• Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer

Leanne Shirtliffe

Poetry | Humour | Picture Books

  • Poetry
  • Humour
    • Don’t Lick The Minivan
    • Mommyfesto
    • Ironic Mom Blog Archive
      • Search
      • Start Here
      • Finding Humor Everywhere
      • Hilarious Family Moments
      • Un-Ironic Moments
      • Wild Gen X Tales
      • Full Archives
  • Picture Books
    • Sloth to the Rescue
    • I Love Sharks, Too!
    • Saving Thunder the Great
    • No More Beige Food
    • The Change Your Name Store
    • Guides/Activities
  • About
  • Contact
    • General Inquiries

Whiteboard Wednesday: The Taste Bud Edition

BBQ SnowWe’re eating dinner, which consists of sausages baked in the oven because our barbecue is buried under snow.

These aren’t the usual sausages we cook, the ones that come wrapped tightly in industrial plastic from a supermarket the size of Saskatchewan. These are from-a-butcher sausages, which means they have flavour.

William inhales his ketchup with a side of sausages. The sugary, red sauce coats the meat, and he doesn’t notice whether or not the sausages taste like goat, caviar, or polymers. Let’s face it, the Ketchup Strategy is how I got through dinners of roast beef as a child, when I wasn’t trying to wad up pieces of dead cow in my napkin before one of my siblings ratted me out.

Vivian, however, doesn’t like ketchup, and her tongue is on fire from the sausages that contain an exotic spice called “pepper.” She drinks three glasses of milk.

I explain something about her taste buds being more sensitive because she hasn’t burnt them off yet.

This remark is the catalyst that directs dinner conversation to the direction it always seems to go: to facts from Weird But True books.

“Mom,” she says, “do you know women have more taste buds than men?”

I shake my head, my husband raises his eyebrows, William helps himself to more ketchup.

“I didn’t know that,” I say. For once, I refrain from adding a sassy remark about my taste buds being more discerning than my husband’s. I have the foresight to know he’ll add something about my taste buds being less efficient than his. Maybe I am learning something; at least I’m realizing I can conduct full conversations in my head where I play both my part and my husband’s.

Vivian takes another bite of sausage and chews. Hey eyes grow. “It’s burning my tongue. I can’t stop it! Help me!”

Her tongue is dangling outside her mouth like our pet dog’s, if we had a pet dog.

But we don’t.

So I said:

WW-cut off your tongue

Oops. That wasn’t my inside-my-head voice.

Time to add to the therapy fund.

~

Tune in Friday to find out about some guest post opportunities
here at Ironic Mom.

~

What bizarre things have you said or done recently?

Filed Under: Whiteboard Wednesday Tagged With: humor, parenting, Whiteboard Wednesday

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Wendy Lawrence says

    January 16, 2013 at 9:46 am

    Sausage used to be the only way to get my older son to eat meat (there is still no way to get the younger one to do so). Which is interesting because it was a spinach sausage so it was also the only way to get him to eat spinach. I guess together they are better than separately? I don’t know because I’m a vegetarian…which might explain the problem in the first place, who knows…

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      January 16, 2013 at 7:02 pm

      My son would try to pick out the spinach. Sigh…

      Reply
  2. rebekahgg says

    January 16, 2013 at 10:00 am

    Hahah! I needed a laugh right now so bad…and that about did it. Thanks!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      January 16, 2013 at 7:02 pm

      You’re welcome, Rebekah.

      Reply
  3. victoriajbadrock says

    January 16, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    I feel for you as I have a William too
    and I also think I might have said this once or twice 🙂
    brilliant blog , keep up the good work xx
    If you smile through it its more fun, and you know we wouldn’t have it anyother way 🙂
    Victoria

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      January 16, 2013 at 7:03 pm

      Aww. THanks, Victoria. Boys named WIlliam seem to have A LOT of personality…

      Reply
      • victoriajbadrock says

        January 16, 2013 at 7:07 pm

        hahaha Yes they sure do !! 🙂 🙂 🙂

        My Will I Am is a complete ball of energy and has been since he was born, in fact Im sure he actually came out thinking of what mischief he could cause 🙂

        Reply
  4. Go Jules Go says

    January 16, 2013 at 1:30 pm

    Wait. Are you not supposed to say stuff like that to kids?

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      January 16, 2013 at 7:03 pm

      Ha. No one has revoked my license. Yet.

      Reply
  5. Christine Ashworth says

    January 16, 2013 at 2:28 pm

    Great. Now that I’ve spit coffee all over the invoices I need to send…hell, it was worth it!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      January 16, 2013 at 7:03 pm

      You’re aerating your coffee? I know it works for red wine… 😉

      Reply
  6. Heather says

    January 16, 2013 at 3:30 pm

    Thanks for the laugh, Leanna. I have to say I have two Williams here and grow up with one, My younger brother use to eat ketchup sandwich and my mom use to say we should invest in ketchup stock. (thankfully he doesn’t eat them anymore.)
    I know I’ve said things I should not of said to my kids so fare they’re ok.

    Reply
  7. Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

    January 16, 2013 at 7:08 pm

    Two Williams? I salute you, Heather.

    Reply
  8. Carrie says

    January 16, 2013 at 8:31 pm

    Ahh yes, I have one who has taste buds that react to exotic spices like pepper. Great post!
    Carrie

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      January 18, 2013 at 11:24 am

      Thanks, Carrie.

      Reply
  9. Justin- Writing Pad Dad says

    January 16, 2013 at 9:32 pm

    Did she want her tongue cut off or not? Don’t leave us hanging like that! Seriously funny! My son drowns his food in ketchup too. We don’t mind too much as long as it cuts down on the amount of cajoling we have to do to get him to eat his dinner!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      January 18, 2013 at 11:25 am

      I think she rolled her eyes…

      I agree. Ketchup is a motivator.

      Reply
  10. The Hook says

    January 17, 2013 at 9:31 am

    I needed a good laugh right now. Thanks, Leanne!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      January 18, 2013 at 11:25 am

      🙂

      Reply
  11. Our Life In 3D says

    January 17, 2013 at 4:47 pm

    You are too funny! ..”things I thought I would never say to my kids” is that all part of the Lick the Mini Van book? If so, I want it. No need for the therapy fund…just keep writing.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      January 18, 2013 at 11:25 am

      Ha. Thanks, Andy. Yup, that’s the concept of the book, though this piece isn’t in it.

      Reply
      • Our Life In 3D says

        January 18, 2013 at 11:45 am

        Do you take American dollars for the books?

        Reply
  12. The Hook says

    January 18, 2013 at 7:08 am

    Check out today’s blog post if you have time, Leanne.
    I can’t match the PR power of a publisher and their checkbook, but my endorsement is honest and heartfelt.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      January 18, 2013 at 1:28 pm

      It’s awesome. Thanks!

      Reply
  13. susielindau says

    January 18, 2013 at 8:54 am

    So funny! Love your idea of a therapy fund. Is it too late to start one???? 🙂

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      January 18, 2013 at 1:29 pm

      I hope not, Susie.

      Reply
  14. Jennifer says

    January 18, 2013 at 2:40 pm

    I say those things to my kids all the time. Your hand hurts, lets chop it off so it won’t hurt anymore. Or well cut something else off, divert the pain. They never take me up on it though… Wonder why?
    Love the paragraph about taste buds, I tend to shoot off without thinking though.

    Reply
  15. Amba Nair says

    January 19, 2013 at 3:01 pm

    Oh my Leanne! I laughed so hard when I read that. Especially the “Do you want me to cut off your tongue?” bit! I have been in Vivian’s place more times than I could count and a lot of friends have said various versions of those words to me too 🙂 So don’t worry about adding to the therapy fund for this!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Footer

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

© 2005–2022 · Leanne Shirtliffe / Ironic Mom ·