We’re eating dinner, which consists of sausages baked in the oven because our barbecue is buried under snow.
These aren’t the usual sausages we cook, the ones that come wrapped tightly in industrial plastic from a supermarket the size of Saskatchewan. These are from-a-butcher sausages, which means they have flavour.
William inhales his ketchup with a side of sausages. The sugary, red sauce coats the meat, and he doesn’t notice whether or not the sausages taste like goat, caviar, or polymers. Let’s face it, the Ketchup Strategy is how I got through dinners of roast beef as a child, when I wasn’t trying to wad up pieces of dead cow in my napkin before one of my siblings ratted me out.
Vivian, however, doesn’t like ketchup, and her tongue is on fire from the sausages that contain an exotic spice called “pepper.” She drinks three glasses of milk.
I explain something about her taste buds being more sensitive because she hasn’t burnt them off yet.
This remark is the catalyst that directs dinner conversation to the direction it always seems to go: to facts from Weird But True books.
“Mom,” she says, “do you know women have more taste buds than men?”
I shake my head, my husband raises his eyebrows, William helps himself to more ketchup.
“I didn’t know that,” I say. For once, I refrain from adding a sassy remark about my taste buds being more discerning than my husband’s. I have the foresight to know he’ll add something about my taste buds being less efficient than his. Maybe I am learning something; at least I’m realizing I can conduct full conversations in my head where I play both my part and my husband’s.
Vivian takes another bite of sausage and chews. Hey eyes grow. “It’s burning my tongue. I can’t stop it! Help me!”
Her tongue is dangling outside her mouth like our pet dog’s, if we had a pet dog.
But we don’t.
So I said:
Oops. That wasn’t my inside-my-head voice.
Time to add to the therapy fund.
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Tune in Friday to find out about some guest post opportunities
here at Ironic Mom.
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What bizarre things have you said or done recently?
Sausage used to be the only way to get my older son to eat meat (there is still no way to get the younger one to do so). Which is interesting because it was a spinach sausage so it was also the only way to get him to eat spinach. I guess together they are better than separately? I don’t know because I’m a vegetarian…which might explain the problem in the first place, who knows…
My son would try to pick out the spinach. Sigh…
Hahah! I needed a laugh right now so bad…and that about did it. Thanks!
You’re welcome, Rebekah.
I feel for you as I have a William too
and I also think I might have said this once or twice 🙂
brilliant blog , keep up the good work xx
If you smile through it its more fun, and you know we wouldn’t have it anyother way 🙂
Victoria
Aww. THanks, Victoria. Boys named WIlliam seem to have A LOT of personality…
hahaha Yes they sure do !! 🙂 🙂 🙂
My Will I Am is a complete ball of energy and has been since he was born, in fact Im sure he actually came out thinking of what mischief he could cause 🙂
Wait. Are you not supposed to say stuff like that to kids?
Ha. No one has revoked my license. Yet.
Great. Now that I’ve spit coffee all over the invoices I need to send…hell, it was worth it!
You’re aerating your coffee? I know it works for red wine… 😉
Thanks for the laugh, Leanna. I have to say I have two Williams here and grow up with one, My younger brother use to eat ketchup sandwich and my mom use to say we should invest in ketchup stock. (thankfully he doesn’t eat them anymore.)
I know I’ve said things I should not of said to my kids so fare they’re ok.
Two Williams? I salute you, Heather.
Ahh yes, I have one who has taste buds that react to exotic spices like pepper. Great post!
Carrie
Thanks, Carrie.
Did she want her tongue cut off or not? Don’t leave us hanging like that! Seriously funny! My son drowns his food in ketchup too. We don’t mind too much as long as it cuts down on the amount of cajoling we have to do to get him to eat his dinner!
I think she rolled her eyes…
I agree. Ketchup is a motivator.
I needed a good laugh right now. Thanks, Leanne!
🙂
You are too funny! ..”things I thought I would never say to my kids” is that all part of the Lick the Mini Van book? If so, I want it. No need for the therapy fund…just keep writing.
Ha. Thanks, Andy. Yup, that’s the concept of the book, though this piece isn’t in it.
Do you take American dollars for the books?
Check out today’s blog post if you have time, Leanne.
I can’t match the PR power of a publisher and their checkbook, but my endorsement is honest and heartfelt.
It’s awesome. Thanks!
So funny! Love your idea of a therapy fund. Is it too late to start one???? 🙂
I hope not, Susie.
I say those things to my kids all the time. Your hand hurts, lets chop it off so it won’t hurt anymore. Or well cut something else off, divert the pain. They never take me up on it though… Wonder why?
Love the paragraph about taste buds, I tend to shoot off without thinking though.
Oh my Leanne! I laughed so hard when I read that. Especially the “Do you want me to cut off your tongue?” bit! I have been in Vivian’s place more times than I could count and a lot of friends have said various versions of those words to me too 🙂 So don’t worry about adding to the therapy fund for this!