Last night I went to my first Wit and Women class (and if anyone wants to suggest it should be Wit or Women, I will photocopy your face 66 times while I sit on the copier’s lid).
I will blog more about this adventure soon. Let’s just say it’s a great program that makes me want to take up a new sport—like braiding necklaces out of my cuticles – because there’s a possibility I could end up on stage doing five minutes of stand-up. It’s run by a dynamic and witty woman named Eva Pea. I first heard about it from Derek Wilken, who has become my humour mentor (or is that a humourous mentor?) and who is either leading me to–or pushing me off–a cliff’s edge.
So on Monday, the day prior to Wit and Women, I reminded my husband of my Tuesday night plans.
“Right,” he said. “Where is it?”
“Downtown,” I answered.
“Whereabouts?”
“Across from a supermarket. I have the address.”
“But where is it at?” he asked. “What kind of building?”
“Oh. I think it’s a library or a bookstore or a gallery or something. We’re supposed to meet under an awning.”
My husband looked at me.
I shrugged. “Look, it’s legit,” I said. “I know a woman who went to it. And she didn’t come back in a body bag.”
He smiled. I knew he believed me. But more importantly, I knew a reply was brewing.
He said, “If they ask you to take your clothes off–”
I rolled my eyes and sighed, my most consistent wifely communication.
He deadpanned:
I started to laugh, but a few synapses shortcut that response.
“Do you realize what you just said?” I asked.
He shook his head.
I paraphrased. “You said if people ask me to take my clothes off, I should get the money before. Which implies that people wouldn’t give me any money after.” I paused to roll my eyes and sigh again. “Oh, never mind.”
And we started to laugh.
Sometimes Whiteboard Wednesdays write themselves.
What bizarre things have you said or heard recently?
Or, what has made you want to braid necklaces out of your cuticles?
This sounds VERY entertaining, & I’d love to heear more.
It was entertaining. At least, I think it was. With all the adrenaline in my system, I felt a bit out of myself.
I can’t wait to hear more about this class – sounds like one you should be teaching though! The video of the stand up will be part of the post, surely? I’m glad you survived the shady (you know, because of the awning) meeting. (I know, I know … I’m the one in need of this class.) Your husband is great – it’s always wise to get the money up front!!
I like being able to push the “delete” button before I hit “publish.” So, this in-the-moment comedy stuff makes me abandon my control tendencies. Kind of. We’ll see… Ahh! 🙂
I must say as a man, men are useless on the whole.
I’d have to disagree. I know a few amazing uses…
My son-in-law said that they couldn’t repay their loan more than $200 a month unless I cashed the checks immediately upon receipt. If I did then they could pay more. Huh?
LOL. Before other bills came through? Maybe that’s the new math we both missed in school!
My daughter has to have her wisdom teeth removed and a dental implant…..installed?? Anyway, we go to the appointment, are ushered into the room and the nurse starts a video for us to watch. The topic of the video? “What to expect when having your wisdom teeth removed.” This is to be followed by the sequel “What to expect when getting a dental implant.” The nurse leaves the room and my daughter immediately whips out her iPhone. I dutifully watch the first video. By the time the second starts, I am frantically searching the room for the remote. I fast forward until the nurse comes in and catches me. My wily daughter manages to ditch her iPhone and is gazing intently at the screen.
If I had known about braiding my cuticles I might still be in the running for Mother of the Year.
That is hilarious. I love how you, the mom, were busted. I’d be doing the same thing and hollering, “Can you just hurry up and put me out?”
You and your Hubby are hilarious. Thanks for the laugh. I can always count on you for my morning funny.
🙂 I laugh because it doesn’t make my mascara run. Simple. Which reminds me I forgot to put on any makeup today. And yesterday…
As a husband of an author, I totally resemble your beau’s comments. Lol
Dear Shawn: I think you guys need a support group. Author Widowers? My sympathies…
Actually, it is a good idea to get the money up front. Because it’s hard to chase them down later with an armful of clothes. I’ll never do that again…
Ha! Nearly spit out my chai, Larry!
Of course, if you got the money up front, you could just leave.
Good point. But when I commit to something… 😉
Actually, it sounds like your hubby is trying to whore you out. So it’s that kind of marriage, is it? At least he’s a shrewd pimp. Making sure the johns pay upfront is whorology 101. I think they teach it in Big Pimpin’ University.
You may be on to something. This is the same man who–when male friends would come over to visit while our twins were wee babes–he’d answer the door and say, “Hey, you’re going to see breasts. It’s $10 now or $15 for a lifetime pass.”
Nice.
Very funny. So what’d you do? Did you ask for the money up front or after? I kid, I kid.
LOL. If you really want to know, you’ll have to fly in for the show in December. 😉
so it’s that kinda class is it??
Today’s math lesson.
Microphone + witty women = phallic jokes.
I’m pretty sure it was Ben Franklin who said, “All good ventures begin under awnings. Across from supermarkets.”
I hope Wit and Women is a smashing success for you…and that you can remain clothed. At least most of the time.
I think it’s better to get the money upfront rather than outback.
Oh! You just stole my line! NO!
Sometimes I wonder who beats out whom for best blog fodder: significant others or our children. 🙂
Good point. Maybe I should buy IronicWife.com. (Or – gasp – IronicHusband.com).
I want to braid cuticles out of thr students who are still emailing me and writing things like: Yo, Can yu call me cuz i have a problm.
I’ll say that kid has a problem. And I just can’t bring myself to email him back.
And I don’t get the money up front either. 😉
I hear you.
Will I get tomatoes thrown at me if I say every baby/wedding shower I’ve ever been to has made me want to braid necklaces out of my cuticles?
I’m with you on that!