Today was one of those days that stretch endlessly, kind of like watching the Superbowl Half-Time Show in slow motion.
Because I’m a snarky parent, I’ll share the low-lights.
6:00 a.m. Vivian wakes me up because she’s had a bad dream.
6:15 a.m. Vivian wakes me up again because she can’t stop thinking about the nightmare.
6:35 a.m. Vivian wakes me up yet again because she can’t sleep. Neither can I. She crawls into my bed.
6:55 a.m. Vivian starts whinging about how hungry she is. She refuses to go get a piece of fruit. I trudge downstairs and make breakfast.
7:45 a.m. I tweet this:
6yo DD has cried twice this morning. Now I’m getting attitude. So, we’re going to cuddle. It’s easier than selling her.
8:30 a.m. William finally abandons Sunday-morning cartoons, takes one bite of his 90-minute-old toast, and announces he hates peanut butter (which he’s eaten every morning for the last five years).
9:00 a.m. I promise to make a recipe out of a kids’ cookbook Vivian and William borrowed from our public library a month ago. I get the ingredients ready, do everything, and let the kids throw sprinkles and other toppings on top. Magically, they’ve made dessert. It’s not unlike how my husband will flip meat once on the barbecue and get credit for cooking a great meal. But I digress.
I deposit the goopy-berry-stick-things into the freezer.
Insert twelve more mini crises.
1:00 p.m. I tweet this:
My kids are driving me batty. Can’t wait for the Parenting Hand-Off when DH gets home in 3 hours.
2:00 p.m. I tweet this:
I’m making a marinade that calls for ketchup. I open the bottle, drop it, try to catch it, fumble. Kitchen=bloodbath.
Insert thirteen more mini crises.
4:00 p.m. My husband arrives home. He makes a sarcastic comment about my “tough day” before realizing what mood I’m in. I give him The Death Stare.
4:30 p.m. I escape and buy my Ironic Mom Goes To Hollywood Bad-Girl-Bag.
6:00 p.m. I return home, make dinner, and we eat. I go to the freezer to take out the strawberries-on-a-stick. We nearly break our teeth on them. Vivian and William hold them up to the light, trying to melt them.
7:45 p.m. I tweet this:
6yo just told his twin sister: “Your teeth look like they’re dark gray with cavities.” She’s now weeping.
8:00 p.m. I tuck in the kids and warn them to stay in bed. “Mommy needs a break,” I say. (It sounded vaguely more responsible than “Mommy needs a drink”).
8:05 p.m. With the absence of alcohol, I start writing, realizing that going to work is usually way easier than parenting.
This is funny stuff – and very true.
I go to work to escape.
Yes, I do feel for SAHMs. It is hard.
You are right! I am not a SAHM but I don’t pretend for even a minute than being a mom fulltime is easy. Every weekend I am reminded!
I agree. I’ve worked full time since my twins were 15 months old. Being home with them all day is exhausting.
Agree 100%
🙂
So, just for future knowledge, does 12 mini crises = 1 major crisis? Or are major crises inherently just a big glob of mini crises sprinkled with weeping children?
LOL. If I were to define it, a major crisis requires substantial first aid or a trip to the hospital. Anything less than this is a mini crisis.
Firstly, nice bag for the Hollywood extravaganza.
Your ketchup crime scene reminds me of when I dropped the hand-mixer (while it was on) when making cupcakes at 9:30 p.m. for my 5-yr old’s birthday party a few months back. There were some very loud, punctuated expletives (well, actually, just the one expletive shouted over and over again). Upon realizing blender was broken in the crash, I then had to take panicked trip to Superstore before it closed to buy new blender while still cursing and covered in cake batter.
Parenting ain’t easy.
Thanks. The bag was marked down and then 50% off, so I’m very proud (because I hate shopping).
LOL at your hand-mixer story. And to have to go out to Superstore? That is the proverbial exclamation point…I’m impressed you didn’t give up and buy some crappy cupcakes.
But look how clean your kitchen floor is!! Even under the dishwasher! Holy moly. And yes, working is easier than staying at home, hands down.
Just don’t look in the corners.
I have got to start taking more picture when crazy stuff happens! I saw that tweet about the ketchup so that one especially got me. And Thing 3? I didn’t know you were expecting!
I’ve now conditioned myself to the following: when I feel a swear word coming out of my mouth, I shut it, and run for the camera instead. Pavlov would be so proud. Still can’t laugh at expecting jokes…
I am about to head back to work, with very mixed feelings. Work is easier, by far, simpler, less complicated, and more clear cut. But I will miss all those mini crises. I suppose, before I know it, I will be blessing my boss for taking me back. For now, I’m loving things… mostly. Aside from some of the nicer mini crises… like when my daughter announced her sister got in the chocolate. I found something fun in my kitchen that day! ha!
Well, I work full time, actually (I just whinge about mini-crises on the weekends). I must say that I find I have more energy for being with my kids after work than I do when I’m with them all day. Hope that doesn’t make me an even worse mother than I often feel…
Good luck with the transition back to work. And may the only chocolate disaster you find be when there’s none in the pantry.
having just left work for mat leave (holy crap it’s been 4 months) I agree – going to work was WAY easier than dealing with children all day. Especially when they refuse their naps!
The missed nap = a nightmare. Seriously. One of the worst. My kids were always good sleepers and horrible nappers. I know this was better than the opposite, but those quiet moments in the day are also needed.
I spent Friday looking after my 17-month-old granddaughter (my youngest child is almost 13)…there’s a reason I always went back to work when my kids were toddlers…
Wendy
You have a granddaughter? Wow. Is it really more fun being a grandma? Part of the reason I went back to work is because I have more control (or the illusion of more control) in the classroom than in my own house.
Being a Gramma is fun, because when the kid gets cranky, you can give them back to their parents. I don’t babysit very often, but I bought my daughter tickets to a Great Big Sea concert in Moncton for Christmas, so I went over to their house for the day, and stayed overnight. Usually, I have my other daughters around to help when I babysit, but they were all at school! I was exhausted by the time Elise went to bed!
Wendy
This is my day most days; and it’s worse when school is out (I hate mid-winter/spring/winter breaks and anything that resembles a three-day weekend).
Thanks for making me feel not quite so alone. 😉 Cheers.
I understand. It’s a bit confusing for me though. As a teacher, I love those breaks. But I often look forward to going back to work, too…
I was sick today – And my daughter let me lie quietly for an entire HOUR while she played/flitted between her bedroom and mine. (AMAZING.)
I have a feeling that I have a 40hr/4-day week ahead of me. *deep sigh*
(So what WERE the gooberry stick things?)
Goobery stick things = strawberries on a chopstick, rolled in yoghurt, covered in coconut/sprinkles/nuts…
In many ways, going to work is indeed easier than staying home with your kids. Especially ones who aren’t sure about their relationship with peanut butter.
But staying home with your kids – even in the midst of a ketchup bloodbath?
Definitely better than watching Titanic.
LOL at your connection. True. And what do Titanic and Ketchup Bloodbaths have in common? Good stories out of bad times.
I completely agree. I work part time and some days the easiest part of my day is going to work. The hard part is getting my two little monkeys fed, clothed and out the door to day care.
Yes, the out-the-door race. I used to say half a day had passed by the time I got to work…
It was very funny until the BBQ slam! Open flames, sharp weapons, need I say more?
😉 Glad you enjoyed it, John…
I think you’re just showing off about a 6am wake up – that’s a lie-in in our house! Actually, that’s a lie! The kids generally sleep until 6.30am on a weekday morning, then wake up about 5.45am at weekends – why is that????
Murphy’s Law, isn’t it? How you have to wake your kids up for school but they wake two hours earlier on weekends? Children around the world have united in a plot to ensure we don’t drink too much.
I was truly laughing out loud! You write about my life…but it’s funnier when I read about it as opposed to living it. You crack me up!
Always easier to laugh at someone else (which is why I laugh at my kids). Thanks for commenting!
Sooo funny because it’s sooo true!
If only it were fiction…
Shhh! I don’t want everyone to catch on to the workking mom gig. I like the sympathy, I like the extrat help, I like the PEACE! I fear the day when somebody realizes that I get paid to take a (much needed) break from my kids.
Read my Pissed Off Purse post and you’ll understand my weekend – no power, no heat, snow, two kids. I just realized I could have written that post in one sentence. I need to learn to be succint.
I totally agree with your title.