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10 Junie B. Jones Titles That Were Rejected

Vivian, my 7-year-old daughter, is devouring chapter books. She’s been through the Rainbow Magic series, Jigsaw Jones, Ivy and Bean, and Judy Moody.

And the infamous Junie B. Jones.

From Vivian's Library...

Now that I’m pitching my own book, I’m thinking about rejections. So here are ten Junie B. Jones titles that likely would have been rejected by publishing houses.

  1. Junie B. Jones Fails Grammar
  2. Junie B. Jones Gets Her First Tattoo
  3. Junie B. Jones Writes Pilot for Third Season of AMC’s Walking Dead
  4. Junie B. Jones Does a Science Project on Weeds Weed
  5. Junie B. Jones’ Parents Get Divorced
  6. Junie B. Jones Steals Lipstick
  7. Junie B. Jones Applies to Las Vegas Str*pper University
  8. Junie B. Jones Stars in Thelma and Louise: the mini-pops remake
  9. Junie B. Jones Gets Knocked Up
  10. Junie B. Jones Dates Justin Bieber (Disclaimer: this title could be the prequel to #9)

Your turn:

What title of a book or series can you revise or invent so it’s reject-worthy?

Filed Under: Top 5 Fridays (or Wednesdays) Tagged With: funny, humor, Ironic Mom, Junie B. Jones, Leanne Shirtliffe, mom, parenting, reading, twins

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Bill says

    December 7, 2011 at 8:53 pm

    I don’t know the series of books, but this post is hilarious.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 8, 2011 at 7:34 pm

      Thanks, Bill. 🙂

      Reply
  2. Rebecca Stanfel says

    December 7, 2011 at 8:59 pm

    Hi Leanne,

    This post is great! My 7 year-old son’s teacher has been inflicting the Bailey School Kids mysteries on us. These not-so-terrifying tales involve a pack of 3rd graders who (improbably) solve supernatural mysteries at their school. Every title contains a negative, like Vampires Don’t Drink Pink Lemonade, Zombies Don’t Coach Soccer, and Gargoyles Don’t Drive School Buses. I’m not sure why this series irritates me so. Well, actually, I do. They’re crappily written and don’t even try to engage you in the narrative world view. It’s kind of offensive how little respect they have for the imaginative capacity of kids.
    So, here’s my Bad Bailey Books:
    Insipid Kids Aren’t That Interesting
    Unscary Vampires Suck as Plot Devices
    We Won’t Be Buying Your Lame-Ass Titles

    Thanks for a laugh tonight,
    Rebecca

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 8, 2011 at 7:35 pm

      Rebecca,
      These are winners! I laughed so hard…

      Reply
  3. K.B. Owen says

    December 7, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    Two series come to mind (wait, let me brush the SNOW off my text) —

    –Ok, I’m back:

    Magic Tree House in the Land of Magic ‘Shrooms
    Choose Your Own Adventure: Busted or B*tch-Slapped?

    That’s all I got. Off to choose my own adventure: sleep. 😉

    Reply
    • Elena Aitken says

      December 7, 2011 at 9:43 pm

      OMG! I can’t stop laughing at these ones! Awesome! Busted or B*tch slapped…hee hee

      Reply
      • Leanne Shirtliffe says

        December 8, 2011 at 7:35 pm

        I know. Kathy = hilarious.

        Reply
  4. Jamie says

    December 7, 2011 at 9:14 pm

    What about…?
    Junie B. Jones Runs Away with her Basketball Coach
    Junie B. Jones’ Thirsty Thursday Adventures
    Junie B. Jones Starts Her Own Business: Selling Term Papers

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 8, 2011 at 7:36 pm

      Brilliant. And kind of scary.

      Reply
  5. Sonia G Medeiros says

    December 7, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    The Berenstain Bears go all Cersei and Jamie. *evil laugh*

    Reply
    • Big Ugly Man Doll says

      December 7, 2011 at 9:38 pm

      Sonia, LOL!!!

      Reply
  6. Reba Verrall says

    December 7, 2011 at 9:38 pm

    Hilarious! My youngest & I used to read JBJ together all the time~I’ll have to share your post with her now that she so much older 🙂

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 8, 2011 at 7:36 pm

      I’m anxious to know what she thinks…

      Reply
  7. Big Ugly Man Doll says

    December 7, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    We banned Junie B. from our house; I got tired of auto-correcting her grammar in my head when I read them out loud. 😉
    One of our favorites for this topic was always based on “Is Your Momma A Llama?” and usually went something along the lines of “Is Yo Momma A Crack-ho?” and went down hill from there.
    Of course there are the classics: “Daddy Drinks Because You Cry” and “It’s a Different Kind of Love, Charlie Brown”…

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 8, 2011 at 7:37 pm

      Bwahaha. “Is Yo Mamma…”

      Thanks for making me laugh.

      Reply
  8. Elena Aitken says

    December 7, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    Awesome, Leanne.
    I have nothing…but I had an awesome laugh tonight thanks to all of you!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 8, 2011 at 7:37 pm

      I know. The comments are hilarious.

      Reply
  9. thoughtsappear says

    December 8, 2011 at 6:26 am

    I got nothing. Oh wait…Junie B. Jones Has Junk in Her Trunk.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 8, 2011 at 7:37 pm

      And you rhymed! Bonus points, clearly.

      Reply
  10. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson says

    December 8, 2011 at 6:28 am

    I hate Junie B. Jones so I’ll just say that li’l miss sassy pants will definitely end up in Vegas.

    Junie B. Jones Works The Pole
    Junie B. Jones Learns How to Give Table Dances
    Junie B. Jones Kisses a Girl and She Likes It
    Junie B. Jones Gets Into Meth
    Junie B. Jones Needs an Intervention

    Those books were not allowed in our house. So glad I have a son who just wants to read about duct tape.

    This is so awesome!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 8, 2011 at 7:47 pm

      I had to read these aloud they were so funny. And duct tape sounds interesting. My son reads latest fascination is sharks. He’s moving on to tigers now, I think… And bad jokes.

      Reply
  11. Mihael Herrera says

    December 8, 2011 at 8:17 am

    Junie B. Jones Goes Existential. Alternate title: “The Junie B. Jones”

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 8, 2011 at 7:49 pm

      The clever award goes to you!

      Reply
  12. Christopher Long says

    December 8, 2011 at 10:37 am

    I’ve enjoyed the Junie B. series for years. I found the complex plot twist of “Junie B., First Grader: Toothless Wonder” to be particularly riveting.

    As for a title suggestion, how about:
    Junie B. Jones Takes a Pole Lesson

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 8, 2011 at 7:49 pm

      I heart sarcasm.

      Reply
  13. Meet the Buttrams says

    December 8, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    I laughed aloud (LA) at #5.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 8, 2011 at 7:49 pm

      😀

      Reply
  14. prttynpnk says

    December 8, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    The Junie book titles always make me think of old cautionary After-school specials like the classic ‘Dinky Hocker shoots smack’ ….shiver.
    I hope I’m not the only one who’s views of drugs were shaped by that.
    Hmm:
    Junie B Jones and the unhealing sores

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 8, 2011 at 7:50 pm

      Ouch! Love it. (The idea…not the unhealing sores)

      Reply
  15. gojulesgo says

    December 8, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Ha! Love this post and all the comments.

    Junie B. Jones and the Incurable Meth Face
    Junie B. Jones Does Yo Momma Jokes
    Junie B. Jones’ Thoughts On Nihilism
    Junie B. Jones Cracks the Whip
    Junie B. Jones Rotates Her Meds

    Okay. Stopping now.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 8, 2011 at 7:50 pm

      You’re an expert! A great list. I’m still laughing…

      Reply
  16. Larry Hehn says

    December 8, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    Junie B. Jones Becomes Johnny B. Jones

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 8, 2011 at 7:51 pm

      Bwahaha. She could do that quite affordably in Thailand, actually.

      Reply
  17. julie gardner says

    December 8, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    As an English teacher, I cringed at Junie B. Jones books.

    And after 16 years of correcting student spelling, allow me to suggest you spell it “grammer.”

    I mean really. It’s a losing battle. (Or loosing. Whatever. I give up.)

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 8, 2011 at 7:52 pm

      Yes! Grammer. Loosing it. And don’t forget alot. As in there needs to be alot of space in the word a lot.

      Love your witty comment, Julie.

      Reply
  18. Natalie says

    December 8, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    Junie B. Jones and the Forbidden Love (I always thought there was some undertones between Mae and her.)
    Ramona the Whore (I love the Ramona series, so this one pained me a little.)
    Dear, God, I Feel More Like a Mark

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 8, 2011 at 7:52 pm

      Ha! Forbidden Love….

      Reply
  19. educlaytion says

    December 8, 2011 at 8:32 pm

    Junie B. Jones Goes to Lilith Fair

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 8, 2011 at 9:21 pm

      Did you see her there? 😉

      Reply
  20. visitingmissouri says

    December 9, 2011 at 2:44 am

    Junie B. Jones and Life as Seen from the Gutter
    Junie B. Jones Shows How Needles Can Be Fun Too
    Junie B. Jones is Out of Other Options
    Junie B. Jones Teaches on Smuthering Your Little Brother
    Junie B. Jones and the Kid That Was Pushed Off the Swing

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 12, 2011 at 10:05 am

      Ha! Love these. They’re so inappropriate, they’re brilliant!

      Reply
  21. mj monaghan says

    December 9, 2011 at 9:05 am

    Leanne, I’m so glad I stumbled on your blog. It’s fantastic, and I love a great laugh.

    Have you seen The Stupids childrens books?
    The Stupids Step Out (1974)
    The Stupids Have a Ball (1978)
    The Stupids Die (1981)
    The Stupids Take Off (1989)

    Their titles were interesting to say the least! I’m stalk.., I mean following you now ;). http://mjmonaghan.wordpress.com

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 12, 2011 at 10:06 am

      Thanks, Michael. It’s been quite a week for you. You so deserved to be Freshly Pressed!

      Reply
  22. Suniverse says

    December 9, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    Oooh, Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Vaginal Secretions.

    Too much?

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 12, 2011 at 10:06 am

      I always push the “too much” line. Because it’s hilarious!

      Reply
  23. The Hook says

    December 10, 2011 at 6:22 am

    What a wickedly clever mind you have stashed away in that pretty little head of yours!
    I know that somehow sounds sexist, but it wasn’t meant to be – seriously!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      December 12, 2011 at 10:06 am

      From you, it’s an absolute compliment. Thanks!

      Reply
  24. veteransadvice says

    December 11, 2011 at 5:31 am

    Hey Leanne,

    When I read your blog out loud to my wife (she’s also a Leigh Ann) she gasped when I mentioned Jennie B. Jones books. My Leigh Ann is an elementary school teaher who blogged about her thoughts on these books. Because she thought some may not like her thoughts, she left out any reference to JBJ.

    Here’s my thought of a JBJ titles, “JBJ Gets Expelled From Public School.” Followed by, “JBJ Gets Home Schooled.” The next in the series is “JBJ Meets Her Foster Parents.”

    Just my thoughts. My wife, whose blog is Mom2momtoday.wordpress.com has her own thoughts. I don’t know if you want want to see any profanity.

    Reply
  25. mediaudio says

    December 14, 2011 at 9:17 am

    These titles were more than slightly hilarious! I’m relieved that my son finished the JBJ stage of reading long ago. I remember a particularly horrible audio book adaptation of one title: Junie B. Jones Comes to Terms with Being a Rejected Character from the Magic School Bus.

    Reply

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