Vivian, my 7-year-old daughter, is devouring chapter books. She’s been through the Rainbow Magic series, Jigsaw Jones, Ivy and Bean, and Judy Moody.
And the infamous Junie B. Jones.
Now that I’m pitching my own book, I’m thinking about rejections. So here are ten Junie B. Jones titles that likely would have been rejected by publishing houses.
- Junie B. Jones Fails Grammar
- Junie B. Jones Gets Her First Tattoo
- Junie B. Jones Writes Pilot for Third Season of AMC’s Walking Dead
- Junie B. Jones Does a Science Project on Weeds Weed
- Junie B. Jones’ Parents Get Divorced
- Junie B. Jones Steals Lipstick
- Junie B. Jones Applies to Las Vegas Str*pper University
- Junie B. Jones Stars in Thelma and Louise: the mini-pops remake
- Junie B. Jones Gets Knocked Up
- Junie B. Jones Dates Justin Bieber (Disclaimer: this title could be the prequel to #9)
Your turn:
What title of a book or series can you revise or invent so it’s reject-worthy?
I don’t know the series of books, but this post is hilarious.
Thanks, Bill. 🙂
Hi Leanne,
This post is great! My 7 year-old son’s teacher has been inflicting the Bailey School Kids mysteries on us. These not-so-terrifying tales involve a pack of 3rd graders who (improbably) solve supernatural mysteries at their school. Every title contains a negative, like Vampires Don’t Drink Pink Lemonade, Zombies Don’t Coach Soccer, and Gargoyles Don’t Drive School Buses. I’m not sure why this series irritates me so. Well, actually, I do. They’re crappily written and don’t even try to engage you in the narrative world view. It’s kind of offensive how little respect they have for the imaginative capacity of kids.
So, here’s my Bad Bailey Books:
Insipid Kids Aren’t That Interesting
Unscary Vampires Suck as Plot Devices
We Won’t Be Buying Your Lame-Ass Titles
Thanks for a laugh tonight,
Rebecca
Rebecca,
These are winners! I laughed so hard…
Two series come to mind (wait, let me brush the SNOW off my text) —
–Ok, I’m back:
Magic Tree House in the Land of Magic ‘Shrooms
Choose Your Own Adventure: Busted or B*tch-Slapped?
That’s all I got. Off to choose my own adventure: sleep. 😉
OMG! I can’t stop laughing at these ones! Awesome! Busted or B*tch slapped…hee hee
I know. Kathy = hilarious.
What about…?
Junie B. Jones Runs Away with her Basketball Coach
Junie B. Jones’ Thirsty Thursday Adventures
Junie B. Jones Starts Her Own Business: Selling Term Papers
Brilliant. And kind of scary.
The Berenstain Bears go all Cersei and Jamie. *evil laugh*
Sonia, LOL!!!
Hilarious! My youngest & I used to read JBJ together all the time~I’ll have to share your post with her now that she so much older 🙂
I’m anxious to know what she thinks…
We banned Junie B. from our house; I got tired of auto-correcting her grammar in my head when I read them out loud. 😉
One of our favorites for this topic was always based on “Is Your Momma A Llama?” and usually went something along the lines of “Is Yo Momma A Crack-ho?” and went down hill from there.
Of course there are the classics: “Daddy Drinks Because You Cry” and “It’s a Different Kind of Love, Charlie Brown”…
Bwahaha. “Is Yo Mamma…”
Thanks for making me laugh.
Awesome, Leanne.
I have nothing…but I had an awesome laugh tonight thanks to all of you!
I know. The comments are hilarious.
I got nothing. Oh wait…Junie B. Jones Has Junk in Her Trunk.
And you rhymed! Bonus points, clearly.
I hate Junie B. Jones so I’ll just say that li’l miss sassy pants will definitely end up in Vegas.
Junie B. Jones Works The Pole
Junie B. Jones Learns How to Give Table Dances
Junie B. Jones Kisses a Girl and She Likes It
Junie B. Jones Gets Into Meth
Junie B. Jones Needs an Intervention
Those books were not allowed in our house. So glad I have a son who just wants to read about duct tape.
This is so awesome!
I had to read these aloud they were so funny. And duct tape sounds interesting. My son reads latest fascination is sharks. He’s moving on to tigers now, I think… And bad jokes.
Junie B. Jones Goes Existential. Alternate title: “The Junie B. Jones”
The clever award goes to you!
I’ve enjoyed the Junie B. series for years. I found the complex plot twist of “Junie B., First Grader: Toothless Wonder” to be particularly riveting.
As for a title suggestion, how about:
Junie B. Jones Takes a Pole Lesson
I heart sarcasm.
I laughed aloud (LA) at #5.
😀
The Junie book titles always make me think of old cautionary After-school specials like the classic ‘Dinky Hocker shoots smack’ ….shiver.
I hope I’m not the only one who’s views of drugs were shaped by that.
Hmm:
Junie B Jones and the unhealing sores
Ouch! Love it. (The idea…not the unhealing sores)
Ha! Love this post and all the comments.
Junie B. Jones and the Incurable Meth Face
Junie B. Jones Does Yo Momma Jokes
Junie B. Jones’ Thoughts On Nihilism
Junie B. Jones Cracks the Whip
Junie B. Jones Rotates Her Meds
Okay. Stopping now.
You’re an expert! A great list. I’m still laughing…
Junie B. Jones Becomes Johnny B. Jones
Bwahaha. She could do that quite affordably in Thailand, actually.
As an English teacher, I cringed at Junie B. Jones books.
And after 16 years of correcting student spelling, allow me to suggest you spell it “grammer.”
I mean really. It’s a losing battle. (Or loosing. Whatever. I give up.)
Yes! Grammer. Loosing it. And don’t forget alot. As in there needs to be alot of space in the word a lot.
Love your witty comment, Julie.
Junie B. Jones and the Forbidden Love (I always thought there was some undertones between Mae and her.)
Ramona the Whore (I love the Ramona series, so this one pained me a little.)
Dear, God, I Feel More Like a Mark
Ha! Forbidden Love….
Junie B. Jones Goes to Lilith Fair
Did you see her there? 😉
Junie B. Jones and Life as Seen from the Gutter
Junie B. Jones Shows How Needles Can Be Fun Too
Junie B. Jones is Out of Other Options
Junie B. Jones Teaches on Smuthering Your Little Brother
Junie B. Jones and the Kid That Was Pushed Off the Swing
Ha! Love these. They’re so inappropriate, they’re brilliant!
Leanne, I’m so glad I stumbled on your blog. It’s fantastic, and I love a great laugh.
Have you seen The Stupids childrens books?
The Stupids Step Out (1974)
The Stupids Have a Ball (1978)
The Stupids Die (1981)
The Stupids Take Off (1989)
Their titles were interesting to say the least! I’m stalk.., I mean following you now ;). http://mjmonaghan.wordpress.com
Thanks, Michael. It’s been quite a week for you. You so deserved to be Freshly Pressed!
Oooh, Nancy Drew and the Mystery of the Vaginal Secretions.
Too much?
I always push the “too much” line. Because it’s hilarious!
What a wickedly clever mind you have stashed away in that pretty little head of yours!
I know that somehow sounds sexist, but it wasn’t meant to be – seriously!
From you, it’s an absolute compliment. Thanks!
Hey Leanne,
When I read your blog out loud to my wife (she’s also a Leigh Ann) she gasped when I mentioned Jennie B. Jones books. My Leigh Ann is an elementary school teaher who blogged about her thoughts on these books. Because she thought some may not like her thoughts, she left out any reference to JBJ.
Here’s my thought of a JBJ titles, “JBJ Gets Expelled From Public School.” Followed by, “JBJ Gets Home Schooled.” The next in the series is “JBJ Meets Her Foster Parents.”
Just my thoughts. My wife, whose blog is Mom2momtoday.wordpress.com has her own thoughts. I don’t know if you want want to see any profanity.
These titles were more than slightly hilarious! I’m relieved that my son finished the JBJ stage of reading long ago. I remember a particularly horrible audio book adaptation of one title: Junie B. Jones Comes to Terms with Being a Rejected Character from the Magic School Bus.