The year 2011 saw its fair share of beauty disasters.
From me.
Based on my own experiences, I can now speak with authority about The Dos and Don’ts of Beauty.
- DO buy a flat iron for your hair.
- DON’T use your flat iron for removing the wrinkles from the skirt you wear once a year. A real iron works better for this. Just hike your skirt up to the ironing board (it helps if you’re at least 5’10”) and iron while wearing. If you stand on your tippy toes while ironing, it also tones your calves.
- DON’T staple the hem of your pants when it drops midday. Consider tape instead; it doesn’t put holes in the fabric.
- DON’T use duct tape to fix the hem on your pants. Duct tape was invented to make ammo cases waterproof in World War 2. If you’re going to use it on your wardrobe, you’d better be packing heat.
- DON’T go for a facial. While it might be the most enjoyable 90 minutes of your year, the lecture at the end makes your dental hygienist sound like a cutesy-wutesy preschool teacher.
- DO listen when your facialist tells you to use SPF on your face. Explain that you do use 15. When she says, “Use something stronger,” leave her a smaller tip, and when you go home, consider having vodka instead of wine.
- DON’T use an eyelash curler that breaks off your eyelashes.
- DO get your eyebrows waxed. When the beautician mentions that you haven’t been there since 2006, ask, “Is five years between appointments too long?”
- DO spend $150 on an Empreinte bra that was made for your impossible-to-find size.
- DON’T expect bra-empathy from your 34A friend.
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Any beauty/clothing disasters or tips from 2011 that you want to share?
Too funny! I never thought of the straightener for an iron! I just cut off all my hair!
I hate it when the experts start telling me how much I still need to do after spending an hour in their care! I tell myself they are just looking for more bookings~
Happy New Year!
Did you cut your own hair? That’s impressive. And brave. But for me it would be stupid. I have trouble just holding scissors.
Fantastic tips! I shall check out that bra, though I fear I’m more one of the friends that will have no empathy…
Happy New Year!!!
I have been a bra snob for years, forced to go to boutiques for the correct sizes. I’ve tried them all: Chantelle, Le Jaby, Mystique, and more…and Empreinte rocks. Well, technically it DOESN’T rock, which makes it fab…
Darn it! Where were you to give me this advice two weeks ago when I was getting ready for a Christmas party? While doing my hair, I ironed the collar of a blouse with my flat iron. Totally burned my neck and had a two inch red mark across my skin!!! Duh. Not doing THAT again!
Happy New Year! Love your posts!
Ouch! Burns are the worst. My arms have several burn scars from the oven. Evidently oven mitts are not optional.
DO be very particular about which royal family member you emulate when seeking fashionable headwear.
Do any blue bloods sport tuques? That’s my fashionable headgear.
When something is on the 75% off clearance rack, there is a reason for that! It’s either sized incorrectly, butt-ugly, too intricate to put on without help, or that awful shade of yellow.
Think long and hard about buying off of this siren song of clothing.
Good one. I used to frequent thrift stores once a week, going through the racks and finding deals. Then two things happened: I realized I re-donated about half of what I purchased because it wasn’t me (it was just a deal) and I found out that I wanted to write. Swapped thrift store for cafes…
DON’T buy shampoo and conditioner that smells like pumpkin–you’ll smell like a pumpkin which will give you cravings which will mean you’ll be eating more pumpkin foodstuffs than is good for you.
This was hilarious! Loved this post.
Hilarious. Reminds me when I was 17 and dating my first boyfriend, a lovely and kind 19-year-old. He wrote me a poem called “The Girl with the Watermelon Hair.” Surprisingly, it was a compliment. I wore watermelon scented hair spritzer (spray gel?). Thanks for the trip down memory lane…
Do pay extra attention when ironing your last clean blouse while standing in your underwear. Yes, you’ll be in a hurry to get out the door, but still, burning your stomach hurts. Fortunately the scar fades in time.
Loved the idea of using a flat iron to iron skirt while wearing.
Do close the laundry room door before hiking up your skirt and rubbing a dryer sheet on your stockinged-legs, in an attempt to kill the static-cling look. This avoids the “What the heck are you doing now?” questions from the rest of the household.
Happy New Year!
Great tips. I’m going to have to try the bounce trick. On the rare occasion that I’ve worn a skirt to work (I teach middle school), I have secretly sprayed my legs with static guard. Looking back, I *hope* it was secretly…
I’ve used my pacman beauty tool for “ironing” my pocket flaps. It worked out alright for me, and it saved me from setting up the ironing board. 🙂
DO concoct stories to explain the blemishes on your face to probing children.
Fun post, Leanne! Happy New Year!
Concocting stories is always fun. I don’t think I’ve ever ironed pocket flaps. I do, however, save my really-needs-ironing stuff until my mom visits. This is only three times a year. Some clothes don’t get worn much. Yes, I’m pathetic.
Happy 2012!
If you are over 40, stay out of Forever 21. Because you shouldn’t be there x 2. Leave the disposable clothes for the kids.
Happy New Year, Shirtsleeves. 😉 See you on the flip side.
I walked by that store for the first time a couple of days ago…while in Phoenix. I agree with your logic. And your Math. 🙂
as always, the Girls Quick Guide To Looking Unattractive: http://forbettergenius.wordpress.com/2011/10/18/girls-guide-to-looking-unattractive/
Have you been spying on me? In my defence, I only break the rules one at a time. I’m conservative that way.
Love it, and now I know why the duck tape wasn’t workin for me… lol
My dad fixes everything by welding it or duct-taping it…
And I thought I was the only one who finally discovered that empreinte bras fit like a glove and are worth every penny …………….. DO show your hubby the same top while wearing a cheap bra and then the empreinte bra and he will never complain about the price – then find your size of on ebay for 30% of retail 🙂
I think I should be an Empreinte rep. I’m going to have to try eBay. I did a couple of times and they never had my size. Sigh. Thanks for the tip!
I’m quite partial to using double-sided tape on the hem of my pants. But I usually forget about the tape, throw the pants in the wash, and the tape inevitably ends up someplace I don’t notice when I wear the pants again (ie. Butt, inner thigh).
Great post, ha!
My inner thighs don’t need double-sided tape. They stick together just fine on their own.
I don’t have bra empathy, nor a friend in apartment 34A. 🙂
You should be thankful, possibly on both counts…
Leeanne, now I KNOW i have to take on the role i’ve been considering: making a real effort to promote the use of clothes steamers. I am the LAST person who likes to sell things, but really….beats the hell out of using a straightening iron, worth EVERY cent, and takes one minute….you heard me…ONE MINUTE,… to heat up enough to use! When i first got mine, i was the laughing stock at my house as this former hater-of-ironing literally went through closets to find things to practice on!! Happy New Year, and your advice is always so deep…and passionate….and fun.
Isn’t a steamer something that will make me a chai tea latte?
Thank you for that! Too funny. Darn those snotty skin care people!
I know. And I didn’t even get into her conversation about the size of my pores…
My fashionista friend has given up on changing me just yet, so she’s given me new safety pins that past two years because that’s what I need to keep the bottom of my favorite jeans & cords alive. I have Frankenstein style. FrankenPants.
I love the concept of FrankenPants. It really deserves its own Vlog, you know. A nice mash-up perhaps? Your readers would be fashion-ated, I’m sure.
Mi tips are:
1) DON’T let your hairdresser wax your eyebrows, just cause she can handle hair doesn’t mean she can handle facial hair.
2) DON’T “shake-before-use” things that don’t say “shake before use”. For example, you don’t have to shake permanent purple hair-dye before use. Doesn’t help colouring (at least not your hair).
3) DON’T wax your legs right before going to the beach. I guess everyone knows that, but as the Mediterranean sea is very salty I took the liberty of reminding everyone.
I think it’s been about 5 years since I waxed my eyebrows, too. Every time I get a pedicure now, they ask if I want my eyebrows done. I prefer plucking them a little bit at a time.
Is just go to work with a wrinkly skirt a Do? I hate ironing.
I laughed out loud at your “Do get your eyebrows waxed” line. Love it and it is so true. I visited my stylist for that very purpose yesterday and she said, “Do I know you? I almost didn’t recognize you from your massive eyebrows.”
So true on the evil facialist! I went 6 weeks post babe and was told my “eyes told a thousand words” about my recent sleep deprivation. Hurt more than the extractions.
You have my sympathies on the bra front. It used to be nearly impossible for me to find the right fitting bra, until I found a specialty bra store in my neighbourhood and had the right size for the first time in… maybe ever, actually. And good bras don’t come cheap.
OTOH, Nordstroms has a FANTASTIC bra department. Next time you find yourself in downtown Seattle (or anywhere with a Nordies), treat yourself. You can get three great bras for the price you paid for one. I did, anyway. 🙂
Too funny! I have used my flat iron tons of times for getting wrinkles out of various bits of clothing. Mostly while wearing them 🙂
I love duct tape. I’m trying to make it fashionable..and at least it comes in colors now.
What language was this post written in? Some type of Venutian?