If you’re a sports fan, you’ll know numbers don’t lie (especially if you cheer for the Toronto Maple Leafs).
Here are the numbers from William and Vivian’s 7th birthday party, which I bravely hosted yesterday.
10: Kids in attendance, including my own
2: Kids I temporarily lost sight of at the playground (including William)
5: Minutes it took to play Pin the Tail on the Donkey
2: Donkey’s tails that were placed rather phallic positions
2: Capfuls of Hydrogen Peroxide used on one skinned elbow
12: Iced cupcake tops eaten
2: Cupcake bottoms eaten
10: Cupcake bottoms found dismembered on dining room floor
3: Times I used my I’m-a-Nice-Woman-But-Listen-To-Me-Or-Else teacher voice
16: Times I looked at the clock
221: Gifts my kids seemed to get
3: Gift bags I forgot to hand out
2: Hoodies left at my house
31: Times I told my mom I could not do this without her
2: Glasses of wine I enjoyed on the deck post party
8: Times I tweeted using the hashtag #IHateKidsBirthdayParties
1: Birthday party I plan each year, another blessing of the 2-for-1 deal we got on kids.
***
How was your weekend, by the numbers?
Kid parties are so insane!! I have one every Feb, March, May, and June. It feels like a party-a-thon.
Love how the donkey tails were pinned in a rather interesting spot.
Insane is a good word.
I’m impressed that you only looked at the clock 16 times!
Well, it wasn’t moving so there wasn’t much point in looking at it.
I also am impressed you only looked at the clock 16 times. I also have no love for kids parties and I’m currently trying to plan a party for my own twins that will minimize organization and mess. Not having a lot of luck with that.
Glad mine’s over with. I’d offer to help you, but I’m busy whenever their birthday is.
That’s great. I retweeted that one about knotting balloons. I also find that task horrifying. I like to entertain a few kids at a party but throwing it’s a whole different level. I’ll tell all my stories someday.
I look forward to your stories. They’ll no doubt be entertaining…
You are truly a brave brave woman. My twins are two now and thankfully I haven’t had to go that route yet. I probably will for their 3rd birthday though. I’m totally and utterly dreading November!
Mine didn’t have a birthday party (with friends) until they were 5. Delay, delay, delay.
Really?? So I’m not wrong in my thinking that birthday parties should be had when the kids are old enough to really enjoy it? Oh thank heavens!
I think the only people that actually LIKE kid’s birthday parties are the kids… Maybe that’s why I conveniently forget to throw mine one every year.. lol
Do I detect cause-and-effect in action?
Okay, I’m going to be totally contrary.
I like kids birthday parties.
I hate throwing them, but I like going. Since we’ve all had children, it’s the one time I can chat with my friends (the parents), while my children are gloriously entertained by all of the other kids.
I suppose it won’t work so well once they have friends whose parents aren’t my friends, or when they reach the “drop off” phase, but for now, that is the case.
So bring on the parties..
I’m glad you like them. I mean, we can’t all despise them. I like adult birthday parties, as long as I’m not throwing them…
Monkey has his birthdays at overnight camp in August. Can you imagine? The big hoo-ha for him is that he gets to skip around the dining room (twice), and he and his friends get cupcakes. I’m 100% out.
You should have planned ahead when you were getting’ down and funky during your summer vacation. 😉
I think I have to arrange overnight camping. You know, since I didn’t arrange the dates of their birth well enough.
Is it a coincidence that there were the same number of cupcake bottoms consumed as post-party glasses of wine?
…just wondering…
(p.s. glad you survived. 364 days until next year!)
You make me smile. Next year. The party’s going to be even simpler.
Why do we bother with cupcakes? Why not give each child a bowl of icing and be done with it?
Good for you for not drinking until AFTER the party. Glad your Mum was there to help!
Brilliant idea regarding the cupcakes. When I was writing this post, I kept thinking of the Seinfeld muffin top incident.
I’d have been drinking DURING the party. I did a joint party for the Reds last year, as their birthdays are 5 days apart.
14 kids, plus their parent(s) in a public park, which also featured the Fall Festival that same day. Ended up being sorta cool that way, but I spent WAY too much money, the boys got FAR too many toys and I was exhausted.
This year, they can have ONE person sleep over and we can eat what they choose, but that’s it. I am sociable, but that was freakin’ crazy.
The worst part? Loot bags. Oh, they drove me to drink….
I hear you. I hate the concept of loot bags. But due to my husband’s garage sale addiction, he managed to find lots of unused stuff (tattoos, a box full of individually-wrapped IKEA alarm clocks), and a hairband or truck. So, we spent less than $20 on twelve loot bags (including the bags). This is good, because we have to save our money given that our kids left the water tap on for a week…
And sleep over? That’s brave.
Dread is the right word. Luckily Theo’s birthday is at the end of July so we can just skip it right?
The summer birthday dilemma…
What size are those hoodies? I’m in the market.
Glad your mom was there with you. For help and for memories.
You know, I could pretty much answer any size and the hoodies are bound to fit one of your kids!
Glad to hear you survived…and we didn’t even have to send out a search party!
Yes, I was tempted to crawl under the deck but was afraid of the jack rabbit who makes his home there.
I LOVE going to birthday parties because my kids wreck someone else’s place, eat, have fun, and I get to bring them home tired. I ALWAYS drink at my own kids’ birthday party and after the first disastrous year at home, I ALWAYS vet it out. Usually at the horrible Chuck E Cheese which gives migraines and I have to drink in the car beforehand out of a paper bag. Motherhood is hard.
I am laughing at the image of you sneaking out to the car to get a drink.
I think Hell might be located in Chuck E Cheese…
“I think Hell might be located in Chuck E Cheese…”
I second that. Oiy.
Umm. I think our kids share a birthday (May 21?). I’m planning a blog about my adventure but still have to deal with the PTSD (post-traumatic-secondgrader-disorder). I also had my mom helping out, otherwise I would’ve lost at least 2 kids.
Close. 29th. My mom flies in every year so I don’t lose a kid or my sanity. And so I have someone to drink with.
I think you may have just given me a blog topic. Thank you.
Anytime. Feel free to babysit my kids as repayment.
I don’t THINK Hell is located in Chuck E Cheese…I KNOW it. Have only been to two parties there but wanted to stab out my OWN eyes whilst there.
DH came once – he is anti-social to the point of phobic and hates noise and clutter.
You can imagine his delight, can’t you? T’was a cold and silent ride home.
My DH wouldn’t step foot in CEC. I went once. Enough. I can imagine the silence on the ride home, though it was likely a welcome contrast.
Okay. I’ll rock the boat.
I love birthday parties. Throwing them, attending them, crashing them…
Both kids are summer birthdays, and we have a gajillion family members whom have gone forth and multiplied, so we usually just have a big summer cookout at our place.
On that note, the Buttram Birthday Bonanza season is about to commence…
Family barbecues = good.
Kids who expected to be entertained = bad.
This is my simplistic view of it…
Glad to hear from the other side, though!
I bet that I’m-a-Nice-Woman-But-Listen-To-Me-Or-Else teacher voice is as good a weapon as Dirty Harry’s .44 Magnum. Best to bust that baby out to keep a situation under control.
Love me my teacher voice.
I could kick Dirty Harry…Nah,, not likely.
Glad you survived, until next year!
Next year? Uhh. Cannot think that far ahead…
This seems like as good a time as any to put in a plug for teachers.
Who in their right mind would sign up to supervise a birthday party of over 20 kids (who were not pre-selected) without another adult for six hours?
And that would be for just one day!
Add in that you would have to teach them something, and you start to see the absolute lunacy of the whole thing…but somehow I loved it anyway.
Jodi
Great point, Jodi. And repeat that 180+ times each year.
I love the cupcake numbers! So next time I make cupcakes, I’ll put icing in the middle.
Yes. Icing in the middle. I thought of having them ice their own cupcakes, but that involves sticky stuff and knives. No thanks.
I hate kids’ birthday parties, especially after hosting more than 40 of them (this is just an estimate!). A lot of times I don’t even like my own kids, let alone other people’s! I can tie balloons, but hate blowing them up (luckily, my oldest was afraid of balloons, so that wasn’t an issue!). I am also not a fan of noise! The only fun part for me was decorating the cakes, before they were old enough to tell me, “Your cakes suck, Mom! I want a [insert current flavour-of-the-month celeb or cartoon character here] cake from Superstore!”
Wendy
Too funny, Wendy. Love the line “I don’t even like my own kids”! Can’t believe you’ve done this 40 times…