• Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer

Leanne Shirtliffe

Poetry | Humour | Picture Books

  • Poetry
  • Humour
    • Don’t Lick The Minivan
    • Mommyfesto
    • Ironic Mom Blog Archive
      • Search
      • Start Here
      • Finding Humor Everywhere
      • Hilarious Family Moments
      • Un-Ironic Moments
      • Wild Gen X Tales
      • Full Archives
  • Picture Books
    • Sloth to the Rescue
    • I Love Sharks, Too!
    • Saving Thunder the Great
    • No More Beige Food
    • The Change Your Name Store
    • Guides/Activities
  • About
  • Contact
    • General Inquiries

Business Tips from 6-Year-Old Twins

This weekend, William and Vivian each decided to open a store on opposite sides of the sofa.

Here is the marketing plan they followed.

Buy low.

Take objects that belong to Mommy, including her hair band and her Thing One and Thing Two stuffies.

Add some toys and books that Daddy bought them at garage sales.

Price appropriately.

Vivian opted to adopt The Starbucks Principle: overcharge on items to convince the buyer of inherent quality.

William decided to follow the more widely used Walmart Model: charge a low price in order to clear more product.

Promote.

Start with family members. I first noticed my husband giving Vivian a Loonie ($1) and taking some books back. He then gave William four coins and took a Transformer.

Do anything to lure potential customers into the store. Both kids grabbed my hands and pulled me away from my laptop. I then was physically dragged to their stores.

Remember that your customer is always right.

When I approached Vivian’s table with my dollar, I saw my iPhone on it. “You are not selling that,” I said. “I don’t even know how to use it yet.” She rolled her eyes as I stuffed it into my pocket. I gave her a dollar to get my hairband back.

When I approached William’s table, I read the sign that said “4 coins.” I asked, “What kind of coins?” He told me it didn’t matter. I gave him 4 pennies and told him we should work on math soon.

Adjust Your Pricing Model

Competition reared its ugly head. It didn’t take Vivian long to realize she was being undersold by Walmart William. So she told me I could now buy 2 items for a dollar.

Beware of Market Saturation. After ten minutes, the novelty had worn off. My husband and I had purchased all of our own items back. And the kids were left minding their stores with no customers.

Bankruptcy Is Not the Worst Outcome

After five more minutes, Vivian and William declared their stores closed.

But that was not the lowest point; the clean up was.

*

What business tips have you picked up from unconventional sources?

Filed Under: Hilarious Family Moments Tagged With: business tips, funny, humor, Ironic Mom, kids, Leanne Shirtliffe, mom, Starbucks, Walmart

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson says

    May 23, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    I bet William and Vivian were really cute while trying to sell all their fancy crap. I also like how they threw your stuff into the mix. It brought you to the table…er… couch, right? Brilliant little schemers.

    Can Canadians be Capitalist pigs? 😉

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 23, 2011 at 8:58 pm

      “Can Canadians be Capitalist pigs?” is making me laugh. It sounds like the headline for a humourous op-ed piece. Or is that “humorous”?

      Reply
  2. Kim Wilson says

    May 23, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    It makes me wonder if you’ve started a trend where your kids take your stuff and sell it back to you. 🙂

    Great business tips, for sure!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 23, 2011 at 8:59 pm

      Maybe they’ll sell me my sanity. They’ve taken that away.

      Reply
  3. jan markley says

    May 23, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    I’ll buy your iphone for a dollar ;-j

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 23, 2011 at 9:00 pm

      iThing iWill iKeep iPhone. 🙂

      Reply
  4. Olivia K says

    May 23, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    I bought my son a rubberband gun this weekend. He took one look at it and said (sarcastically), “you really thought this was a good idea.” I have spent two days specifying what is an acceptable target. My business tip? There is a reason things are considered a “classic.” It’s a nice way of saying, “outlawed and redesigned.”

    love the blog, as always.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 23, 2011 at 9:02 pm

      Thanks, Olivia.

      A rubber band gun? You’re brave. That brings back memories of having rubber band fights with my friend and her brother. We’d use rubber sealers that hurt like heck. But my friend and I would wear a laundry basket on our heads. You know, to protect our heads. Safety first…

      Reply
  5. Mark says

    May 23, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    If you can remember how to read paper books get iPhones for dummies

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 23, 2011 at 9:03 pm

      It’s funny how the phrase “paper books” is no longer redundant. That’s how I learned about blogging and Twitter: I read books about them. Crazy but true.

      Reply
  6. rob shepherd says

    May 23, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    There’s this little hole in the wall place that sells nothing but poo (not literal poo) and it’s called South of The Border. They have billboards for 100 miles. Business lesson? Advertize long enough and people will buy your crap…er poo.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 23, 2011 at 9:03 pm

      I think you’re serious. But I’m afraid I’m being gullible. Really?

      Reply
      • Nikki says

        May 23, 2011 at 11:24 pm

        Unfortunately, Rob is serious. Only us Americans could sell each other this poo. The signs really do start about 100 miles each way from South of the Border…its kind of a tourist trap on I-95 in South Carolina. All they sell is stuff you might buy for people you don’t like to remind them that you went on vacation….t-shirts, shot glasses, fireworks, straw hats, bumper stickers, crappy food and gasoline. But it’s one of those intriguing places that I found myself stopping at while driving down the east coast. So I guess their advertising model works.
        Check it out at http://www.thesouthoftheborder.com/

        Reply
      • rob shepherd says

        May 24, 2011 at 3:39 am

        I am serious. From VA going to Fl you will see signs for I think 100 miles. It’s crazy. You get there and it smells like poo, and the only thing to buy is cheap stuff.

        Reply
  7. educlaytion says

    May 23, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    The “Remember that your customer is always right” paragraph is one of my favorite things you’ve ever written. And that’s out of a lot of faves. Soo funny!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 23, 2011 at 9:06 pm

      It’s scary how I sometimes have no idea what’s funny in my own writing. But thanks, eh?

      Reply
  8. ann simon says

    May 23, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    Oh, man, you’re in trouble. Just wait until they’re older!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 23, 2011 at 9:06 pm

      Don’t I know it.

      Reply
  9. Chase McFadden says

    May 23, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    I’m with Clay. That paragraph was terrific stuff. “He told me it didn’t matter. I gave him 4 pennies and told him we should work on math soon.” Good stuff.

    Reply
    • Chase McFadden says

      May 23, 2011 at 7:36 pm

      Stuff twice. Nice word choice.

      Reply
      • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

        May 23, 2011 at 9:08 pm

        If you’re with Clay, I think that’s blogging quorum. (It took me three tries to spell quorum. I should’ve just used “stuff”). 😉

        Reply
  10. Annie says

    May 23, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    My daughter was that age when she started price tagging everything in the house. Friends actually thought I was trying to sell the stuff! Uh, my lamp for 40 cents? I think not.

    I love how kids think.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 23, 2011 at 9:09 pm

      Your comment made me wonder what sort of price tag my kids would put on me. Some questions are better left unasked.

      Reply
  11. The Good Greatsby says

    May 23, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    My 7-year-old was constantly taking our groceries outside and selling them for a fraction of what I paid. If Mom and Dad provide everything for free, who’s to say the kids can’t sell those things and turn a profit. It’s pretty easy to turn a profit when your cost is $0.00.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 23, 2011 at 9:10 pm

      I think I could survive in business if my costs were nil. Then again, maybe not. And that would be sad.

      Reply
  12. Marianne says

    May 23, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    My kids ask me for money. If I say I don’t have any, my daughter and three year old son will tell me that they take the plastic card I use as well. My eight year old just calls my bluff and gets my wallet.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 23, 2011 at 9:11 pm

      Clever kids. Next time I’ll use our zoo passes to buy my stuff back. Brilliant!

      Reply
  13. Mark Kaplowitz says

    May 24, 2011 at 4:57 am

    My mother’s cat taught me to never settle for yesterday’s blob of Fancy Feast when there’s a perfectly good fresh can in the cabinet.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 24, 2011 at 8:50 pm

      You. are. so. funny.

      And you remind me of when my older brother ate dog food to gross me out. Ahh, memories. Sweet memories.

      Reply
  14. Meet the Buttrams says

    May 24, 2011 at 6:40 am

    My son will draw me a picture and ask me if I like it. When I say yes, he’ll ask me how much I like it and so on until I’m raving over how realistic Iron Man’s weapons are, or how l love his color scheme. Then he’ll disappear and come back with some ridiculous price written in it, like $25.

    Son of a…

    Reply
    • julie gardner says

      May 24, 2011 at 12:31 pm

      How MUCH do you like it??? Watch out, JButt. He is brilliant.

      As for Vivian and William? I love their contrasting Starbucks vs. Walmart approach to pricing.

      4 coins. killing me.

      (p.s. I can be William’s math tutor. I can barely add, but apparently that doesn’t matter.)

      Reply
      • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

        May 24, 2011 at 9:04 pm

        The thing is: I was better at Math than English. Go figure. Especially Chem. But a coin is a coin, I guess, especially if it falls far from the tree (maybe mixing metaphors stopped me from truly excelling in English)

        Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 24, 2011 at 9:03 pm

      @Jess So So funny. He is wise. Clearly understands the value of a dollar. Or at least 2500 pennies.

      Reply
  15. writerwoman61 says

    May 24, 2011 at 7:12 am

    Be thankful you and your hubby were their only customers…they might have invited their friends over to buy their stuff…bye, bye iPhone! LOL!

    Wendy

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 24, 2011 at 9:05 pm

      Good point.

      Not my iPhone. I’m still trying to figure out how to download the light saber app.

      Reply
  16. Piper Bayard says

    May 24, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    Love this story. What business tip have I picked up? Always be considerate of your shopping companions. My son at five, “Mom, you look tired. Maybe you could use some ice cream and chocolate.” They are clever little angels, aren’t they? 🙂

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 24, 2011 at 9:06 pm

      Piper, I think your son had a marketing degree. Uber clever.

      Reply
  17. Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos says

    May 24, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    Hilarious.

    I too would’ve happily snatched up the new iPhone.

    The math comment is priceless.

    Great post, Leanne.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 24, 2011 at 9:06 pm

      Thanks, Kel!

      Reply
  18. kristinherdy says

    May 24, 2011 at 9:44 pm

    I learned that honest salespeople don’t last long in business. Took my then-5-year-old swimsuit shopping last year. I put on one suit and she enthusiastically endorsed it. I made the mistake of asking “how does it make me look?” to which she replied “It makes your stomach look all ruffly.” I think she was attempting a compliment. My post-baby-body did not take it that way at all.

    Love that you gave William 4 pennies.

    Reply
  19. The Hook says

    May 26, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    Sir Richard Branson better watch out!

    Reply
  20. Chelsey says

    June 9, 2011 at 10:34 pm

    You’ll have to read them “The Lemonade War”. It’s a book about a brother and sister who have a competition over who can sell the most lemonade in a summer.

    I love that “4 coins” price! When you teach him about coins you’ll have to emphasize that the dime is worth more than a nickel — that always stumps them at first!

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Footer

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

© 2005–2023 · Leanne Shirtliffe / Ironic Mom ·