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Phrases That Make Every Mother Duck for Cover, Pause, or Drink

Last week, I overheard a few phrases from my twins that made me duck for cover,  pause, or drink.

One of these phrases was uttered by William. In a stage whisper, he asked his twin sister, “What’s something I can slingshot?” I closed my laptop and ducked.

Last Wednesday, I blogged about another phrase I overheard. In reference to me, Vivian bragged to William, “Well that got rid of her.” I paused my Words with Friends game momentarily.

Two days later, I wrote about a question I overheard while making lunches. William asked his dad, “Can we eat Jello like puppy dogs again?” I looked for Baileys in the pantry.

I’m almost afraid of what this week will bring, so I’m asking you to help prepare me.

What are some phrases that we parents should be afraid of overhearing from our children? What phrases indicate that we should raise the white flag and head to the whiter sanatorium?

 The comments are yours…

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: blog, humor, Ironic Mom, Leanne Shirtliffe, mom, parenting, things kids say, twins

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. WordsFallFromMyEyes says

    February 13, 2012 at 5:54 am

    Very, very sweet. You should keep bugs around the place to keep catching this stuff! 🙂

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:34 am

      I think my kids would make me go into Witness Protection Program then…

      Reply
  2. Chase McFadden says

    February 13, 2012 at 5:58 am

    Get some towels.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:35 am

      Yes.

      Reply
  3. Wendy Lawrence says

    February 13, 2012 at 6:18 am

    A few days ago my 1yo started screaming and crying. I asked my 3yo what happened and he said “If I tell you, you’re going to give me a time out.” So I suggested he just go put himself in time out. Which he did.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:35 am

      Brilliant!

      Reply
  4. debut dad says

    February 13, 2012 at 6:19 am

    Where else can we hide the food?

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:35 am

      I think I do most of the food hiding in our house…

      Reply
  5. Running from Hell with El says

    February 13, 2012 at 6:33 am

    “Let’s float the titanic in the sink.” Um–a whole lot of water is going to end up on the floor.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:36 am

      Yes, we’ve been there. When we saw water coming through the ceiling vent of the basement bathroom…

      Reply
  6. disseminatedthought says

    February 13, 2012 at 6:57 am

    By the sound of it, Baileys isn’t going to be strong enough.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:36 am

      You’re right.

      Reply
  7. Vinay J Antony says

    February 13, 2012 at 7:10 am

    Three kids in the bathtub. One of the older ones says, “Let’s hold him under water and see how long he can hold his breath.”

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:37 am

      Ahhh!

      Reply
  8. K.B. Owen says

    February 13, 2012 at 7:23 am

    Here are a few from my house over the years (3 boys):

    “We can use this to tie the dinosaur to the ceiling fan.”
    “Hey, look! He likes it when I swing him by his overalls.”
    “Put more pillows down first, then we’ll jump.”

    …then there’s the generic: “Uh-oh!”

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:37 am

      Dinosaur on the ceiling fan? Love it!

      Reply
  9. Howlin' Mad Heather says

    February 13, 2012 at 7:25 am

    “Hey, Mom, watch this!”
    (I’m not a mom but I’d dread hearing that old chestnut.)

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:37 am

      Yes, it makes me think of broken collarbones.

      Reply
  10. gojulesgo says

    February 13, 2012 at 7:36 am

    My 3-year-old nephew on Saturday: “Can I play that guitar?”

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:38 am

      Awww. Cute. If it’s not my guitar!

      Reply
  11. Smplefy says

    February 13, 2012 at 8:08 am

    There’s a boy who wants to take me out….. in his car.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:38 am

      I am in no way ready for that…

      Reply
      • Smplefy says

        February 14, 2012 at 9:01 pm

        Nobody is

        Reply
  12. shari green says

    February 13, 2012 at 8:27 am

    “This is gonna be awesome!” immediately followed by a flushing sound.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:38 am

      I’ve heard “Mom! The toilet’s overflowing” a couple of times this past month.

      Reply
  13. Paige Roper Norman says

    February 13, 2012 at 8:29 am

    “So Mom, you’re going to get an email from my teacher today…”

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:39 am

      Ouch…

      Reply
  14. shari green says

    February 13, 2012 at 8:31 am

    And there’s also the simple, terrifying potential of “Don’t tell Mom.”

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:39 am

      Yes. So true.

      Reply
  15. mysending says

    February 13, 2012 at 8:33 am

    I don’t remember what set me off with my kids, but I want to duck when I hear my husband say “oh, shoot.”

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:39 am

      I’m thinking nail gun. Evidence in the ceiling?

      Reply
      • mysending says

        February 14, 2012 at 9:09 am

        Thank God for dimming eyesight!

        Reply
  16. jeandayfriday says

    February 13, 2012 at 9:33 am

    I get worried when I overhear my boys saying, “You tell her.” “No, you tell her.” “No, you tell her.” “Maybe she won’t notice.” 🙂

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:40 am

      Yes. That would drive me to search for Baileys. Or pretend they’re not my kids.

      Reply
  17. Mandy Allen says

    February 13, 2012 at 9:51 am

    When it’s eerily quiet, and I know my 3 yo daughter is in another room, I call out “Whatcha doing Sweet Girl?” The response I dread is “Nothing Mamma!”

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:40 am

      Yes. So true…

      Reply
  18. eva626 says

    February 13, 2012 at 10:40 am

    LOL such a sweet and cute post!…

    my baby brother who is 13 now, was asked to broom the kitchen and he goes ‘ME!?’ ..he is spoiled like that lol

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:41 am

      Makes me wish I had a younger brother!

      Reply
  19. Paige Kellerman says

    February 13, 2012 at 10:51 am

    The twins aren’t the greatest of talkers..yet. At this point, the silence is what terrifies me. At least, if they’re babbling, they aren’t stealthily slipping into the closet and unrolling all twelve rolls of toilet paper…

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:41 am

      Silence. Yes. And toilet paper. Vivian was especially talented with emptying tissue boxes when she was a baby.

      Reply
  20. hopefulleigh says

    February 13, 2012 at 11:34 am

    “I told you it was a bad idea.”

    I cannot confirm or deny that I ever said this to my brother (or heard it from him, for that matter.)

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:42 am

      Something tells me you had a mischievous streak in you as a kid, Leigh…

      Reply
  21. Bill says

    February 13, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    “Oh, go on. I promise the parachute will open” caused my brother’s broken arm.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:42 am

      Ouch! (But I’m laughing!)

      Reply
  22. Lori Dyan says

    February 13, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Girl: Mommy loves this (motioning to a bottle of beer)
    Boy: No, daddy drinks that. Mommy loves this (holds up a wine bottle)
    Girl: Oh, right. She REALLY loves that.
    Me: Girl, hand it over. Boy, get me a glass.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:43 am

      And if we lived across the street…
      Lori: And go invite Leanne over. Tell her there’s a glass waiting.

      Reply
  23. Larry Hehn says

    February 13, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    “Where’s the vacuum?”

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:43 am

      Indeed.

      Reply
  24. Kim says

    February 13, 2012 at 11:29 pm

    As we were heading into Costco, my 11 year old asked if this was the store that gives out examples…… I’m pretty sure he meant samples…. maybe

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:43 am

      I love that.

      Reply
  25. Catherine Johnson says

    February 14, 2012 at 2:38 am

    My kids are just starting to get funny, but it’s not funny how often my six year old drops his pants and says ‘smell my bum’. I do hope he doesn’t do that at school 🙂

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 8:44 am

      Ha! The things you do as a parent that seem normal…

      Reply
  26. serre says

    February 14, 2012 at 2:50 am

    In my house the real problem was silence. Silence meant that something bad happened, or -more frequently- was about to happen. Things you may not wanna hear from two kids are a challenging “Yes I can!” and (knowing how plotting your twins are) a doubtful “Should we tell them?”

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      February 14, 2012 at 9:20 am

      Ugh. That phrase would age me ten years. I think it already has!

      Reply
  27. happinessafterheartache says

    February 16, 2012 at 6:48 am

    My hands are nice and clean! (because this means they were just splashing in the dog water….) usually while I’m on the toilet.

    Reply

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