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Leanne Shirtliffe

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Smushed Fingers, Basketball, and Money

I closed the car window on Vivian’s fingers yesterday. Nothing makes you feel more useless than hurting your own child. Except hurting someone else’s.

Vivian got over it.

After 30 minutes of crying and an hour of milking it for what she could, she was outside playing basketball with William.

William invented a new game. It’s called Take-Mommy’s-Exercise-Ball-And-Toss-It-So-It-Stays-On-The-Hoop.

It’s not so easy. I tried.

Vivian came in early to practice math. She loves to count, add four-digit numbers, and be first in everything.

She especially enjoys counting money.

When I came in, she said, “Mom, I just counted the money in my piggy back. I need $8.61 to get to $60.00.”

“Good for you,” I said. “You better start pulling some of your teeth.”

How was your weekend?

Filed Under: Hilarious Family Moments Tagged With: funny mom, humor, Ironic Mom, Leanne Shirtliffe, parenting

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Life From the Trenches says

    March 19, 2012 at 5:33 am

    I’ve closed a window on a kids hand too. Also a sliding van door. Vivian has a nice little stash in that piggy bank! Do you do allowance? (My thoughts are all over the place today. Impressive exercise ball basket, by the way!)

    Amy

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 19, 2012 at 8:53 pm

      We don’t do allowance. My husband sells some of their toys at the local flea market and gives the kids half the money. Oh, and Grandpa Dim Sum let’s the take a fistful of coins from the change jar every time they visit.

      Reply
  2. susielindau says

    March 19, 2012 at 6:49 am

    You talk to your kids similar to how I did! They learned the nuances of sarcasm before they could walk…I think I might try to play that game today. I wonder what the neighbors would think.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 19, 2012 at 8:53 pm

      Ha. Your neighbours may join you!

      Reply
  3. patriciasands says

    March 19, 2012 at 6:59 am

    Ouch! I actually slammed my own fingers in the car door one day a long time ago … not sure how I managed that … and it … owwwww … I can still feel it! Loved the encouragement to earn that $8.61 – now I need to get a cloth to wipe up my coffee.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 19, 2012 at 8:54 pm

      That would hurt… I did slam William’s in the van’s sliding doors a few years ago. More Guilty Mother Syndrome.

      Reply
  4. Heather (@HomeToHeather) says

    March 19, 2012 at 7:16 am

    is that all I have to do to earn extra cash? I’m sure I could get by with a few less teeth!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 19, 2012 at 8:56 pm

      How many gold crowns? 😉

      Reply
  5. EllieAnn says

    March 19, 2012 at 7:37 am

    I accidentally stepped on Darius (my 14-month-old) the other day, while I was cooking. No one was behind me, then I turn and he’s under my foot. I swear, he’s as fast as a ninja.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 19, 2012 at 8:57 pm

      With you as his mom, EA, I’m not surprised he’s a ninja…

      Reply
  6. deyank says

    March 19, 2012 at 7:39 am

    Been there, done that, got the tee shirt. Fortunately there was a lot of rubber trim around the door when I closed it on my daughter’s hand.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 19, 2012 at 8:57 pm

      True enough. And fortunately, those bones are pretty soft.

      Reply
  7. Annie says

    March 19, 2012 at 7:40 am

    Speedy pulled out 2 molars on his birthday to score $5 more. (that was my FB status a couple days ago)

    Glad Vivian’s hand was okay. That really smarts!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 19, 2012 at 8:57 pm

      He’s a crafty one, isn’t he!

      Reply
  8. Clay Morgan (@ClayMorganPA) says

    March 19, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Urp. Hurting kids by accident stinks. I’ve been around the “hand in door” disaster. The worse thing is when you’re trying to be funny or something and it goes wrong and kids get hurt. This is good justification for not playing with children. YouTube affirms as much on this point.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 19, 2012 at 8:58 pm

      When jokes go bad… I’ve been there too.

      Reply
  9. Elena Aitken says

    March 19, 2012 at 8:09 am

    Oh, it SUCKS when your kids hurt, especially when you inadvertently caused it. Helllllo Mom guilt!
    I spent the weekend playing Swim Mom. Yup, the WHOLE weekend. 🙂
    Glad Viv’s finger made a recovery!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 19, 2012 at 8:59 pm

      Swim mom. Oi. Yet another reason not to put my kids in anything. Well, besides music and soccer and maybe basketball camp…

      Reply
  10. gojulesgo says

    March 19, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Being able to count money is definitely an inspiration for learning math, LOL And if I were you, I think that’s exactly where I’d want my exercise Bosu ball (yeah, I’ve got one too…somewhere…) to be!

    This weekend I got my haircut and successfully avoided a) St. Patrick’s Day Mayhem, and 2) Family Obligation 2012-a-palooza. A raging success, I’d say 😉

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 19, 2012 at 9:00 pm

      A Bosu ball. That’s what it’s called. Do you think Bosu is a swear word in another language?

      Reply
  11. Smplefy says

    March 19, 2012 at 8:29 am

    W&V will be able to publish their own version of “Mommy Dearest” using your old blog posts. That would be ironic, don’tcha think?

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 19, 2012 at 9:00 pm

      They’ve already asked me to buy IronicKids…

      Reply
  12. Paige Roper Norman says

    March 19, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Tell Vivian she’ll get more than $60 when she writes her ‘tell-all’ book about her mother. Of course, she’ll likely have to spend it all on therapy (at least that’s what we tell our kids).

    I’m impressed that you have an exercise ball. And that it’s not popped.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 19, 2012 at 9:01 pm

      Well, in truth, my husband just bought it at a garage sale two weeks ago…

      Reply
  13. Susan says

    March 19, 2012 at 9:49 am

    I slammed the van door (hard) on Isabelle’s whole arm once. We both sat in a heap on the garage floor wailing and crying for about 15 minutes, me with visions of my child’s shattered forearm and a lifetime full of reconstructive surgery, pins, and such. The neighbours came running, thinking someone had been shot. Turns out she was fine. Not even a bruise.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 19, 2012 at 9:01 pm

      Amazing. Makes you realize who slowly our old bodies (and hearts) heal. At least my body (and heart).

      Reply
  14. mistyslaws says

    March 19, 2012 at 10:31 am

    My mom closed my fingers in the car door when I was little. Back when they drove those huge metal tanks. Hurt like a mutha. Glad Viv recovered swiftly.

    You better watch those types of statements. Sarcasm does not translate in court transcripts. Just saying.

    My weekend was very boy oriented . . . movie, park, games, baths, and other busy activities. Fun dad is in China, so mom had to step up with the activities. We all survived surprisingly unscathed. That is a win for my house!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 19, 2012 at 9:02 pm

      Hope your single parent time goes quickly…and without too many Mom Time Outs.

      Reply
  15. sportsjim81 says

    March 19, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Izzy likes me to carry her to bed “like a baby” some nights. On more than one occasion now, I’ve misjudged the distance between her head and the opening to her room. Clunk! She’s stopped crying when it happens now, I guess she’s used to it. Either that, or I’ve knocked the feeling right out of her little noggin!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 19, 2012 at 9:03 pm

      Ouch! I’ve done that. Now I side-shuffle into the bedroom when I’m cradling a child.

      Reply
  16. StoriesAndSweetPotatoes says

    March 19, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Once my dad let me sit on his lap and steer while he did the pedals (just on our driveway) and he slammed my fingers in the door while I was getting in. Everything turned out okay for me. I’d be more worried about that exercise ball.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 19, 2012 at 9:04 pm

      Yikes. Yes, the exercise ball. It’s bouncy.

      Reply
  17. Howlin' Mad Heather says

    March 19, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    Owwww! I remember my dad accidentally slamming my hand in the car door one time. I lost my index finger nail and that sucker doesn’t look right to this day.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 19, 2012 at 9:04 pm

      Maybe that’s what happened to my nails…

      Reply
  18. mandyholbert says

    March 19, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Don’t worry, kids forget about that stuff. Take me, for instance. I barely even remember the excruciating pain of my dad stabbing a butcher knife through my thumb nail when we were building a Styrofoam replica of the Great Pyramid. Barely remember it at all….

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 19, 2012 at 9:04 pm

      I think you get the Wince Award. Wow.

      Reply
  19. Elaine says

    March 19, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    Ouch. But if she can play exercise-basket-ball she must be fine.

    That was a good one about teeth! I wish I can do fun sarcasm like you but my brain never works fast enough to come up with something clever. Except when I am genuinely angry, then its like my brain goes into hyperactive mode and starts churning out all these not-so-nice-best-not-used-with-kids sarcasm.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 19, 2012 at 9:05 pm

      As the youngest child (by 6 years) in a family of extroverts, I only got to speak if I spoke quickly. But it’s gotten me into trouble, too, so watch what you wish for!

      Reply
  20. serre says

    March 20, 2012 at 2:38 am

    What’s the point of pulling out teeth when you can use the same tooth over and over and cheat the fairy herself? 🙂

    Most common accident in the house is me scratching my husbdand’s hand while reaching contemporaneously the same things (stuff on the table at dinner, the remote…), i keep my nails short but he manages to complain anyway. Not much happened during the weekend, which is not that strange considering i spent about 32 out of 48 hours on the couch.
    (Yes, the other 16 is sleeping time :D)

    Reply
  21. Running from Hell with El says

    March 20, 2012 at 6:57 am

    It is even worse when you close a door on your son’s hand . . . they scream louder and longer for some reason. Giggle.

    Reply
  22. Angela Orlowski-Peart says

    March 20, 2012 at 7:44 am

    Ouch, I’ve done that to my own fingers. I know the pain.
    There are days when I am more clumsy than normal (well, I’m not all that clumsy, but I’m not the most graceful person either), and that’s when people around me get inadvertently hurt, especially the kiddos if they get under-foot, sigh. I also step on cat’s paws or tail all the time. But that’s his damn fault for hanging out right at my feet.

    Reply
  23. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson says

    March 20, 2012 at 7:49 am

    When Tech Support was still a wee Monkey, I popped him into his stroller and decided to go for a walk on a lovely day. He wouldn’t stop wailing. I kept walking and walking, trying to calm him down, figuring eventually he’d fall asleep. Finally, I decided to pick him up and I saw… I’d clipped his thigh into one of the safety straps on his stroller. Oy.

    Luckily, he remembers none of this. It still hurts my head.

    Reply
  24. jpicard888 says

    March 21, 2012 at 9:55 am

    I scratched my 7 week old putting her in the carseat yesterday. And my 13 year old laughed because I told her she was going to survive and just continued buckling her.
    My kids don’t know a language other than sarcasm!!!

    Reply
  25. tedstrutz says

    March 22, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Nice post… I did the same think to my Daughter 30 years ago… had the same feelings. Sounds like some cool kids. Especially the budding financier.

    Reply
  26. Kecia Adams says

    March 23, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    LOL…well not the slamming of course, Didn’t slam my girls little fingers (yet) but I did drop them both on their heads at different times. Good thing their heads are so hard. 🙂

    Reply

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