I’m anti-gush, which makes the saccarine overtones of Valentine’s Day hard for me to stomach.
But last Thursday, I got my hair chopped so I’d look slightly more like my avatar. I saw this sign outside my salon.
Last Thursday was also the day my humor column appeared in The Calgary Herald. It’s not sappy. Promise.
The Sharp End of Cupid’s Arrow
The column begins:
Cupid needs an update, a 21st-century makeover courtesy of an exhausted mother. Instead of a bow and arrow, I’d equip him with a semi-automatic weapon…
Click the red link above to read the rest.
I hope you can find something to laugh at today. Or someone. I’m okay if I’m that someone.
*
In the anti-gush spirit of this day,
what’s your worst (or most hilarious) Valentine’s Day story?
Alternatively, would you go for a Wookie wax?
Good post. Happy Bloggentines to you ( non gushing)
Bloggentines. I could get into celebrating that!
Wow, that sign conjures a terrible, terrible image. I love it.
I love it too. 😉
don’t you hope there is someone in that salon in a Chewbacca costume?
Yes!
As my 9-year-old daughter says, “Happy gross, lovey, dovey, kissy, wissy day!”
She’s brilliant.
Wookie waxing? I don’t want to know. Really, I don’t.
I love that – Bloggentines!
I’m a gusher, so forgive me if I gush a little bloggy love over to you.
I can tolerate you gushing!
LoL!! oh that poor wookie! all that hair! I don’t know if they’d even survive a waxing.
Awesome article, Lady Shirtliffe. You’re hilarious.
Thanks, EA. Poor wookie, indeed.
I love the part about Valentine’s Day where…wait, I don’t love anything about Valentine’s Day at all.
This year, husband and I are going away for a “tourist weekend” in a local city (we bought a hotel overnight at an auction and are using all the gift cards we can find for the other stuff). We agreed that we would only buy each other cards on the day of the heart thing. ONLY CARDS. I purchased my card TODAY.
I balanced the checkbook online yesterday, and found a download for a candy store purchase at my favorite candy store. I am not purchasing a gift for my sweetie of 20+ years. His gift will be a night alone with me, where if nothing goes terribly wrong, we may end up pretending we are young and in love and not suffering from knee and back pain.
So, I am expected to “fake” surprise and gush at his token of love. When all I’m really thinking is “damn him, he broke the rules! He promised a card only!” while I smile and thank him for his thoughtful gift that will help me gain back the 15 pounds I have spent 6 months losing.
And don’t even get me started on valentines for the entire 7th grade class…
Thanks for letting me vent. 🙂
A “tourist weekend” sounds like quite the euphemism. 😉
When my husband proposed, I had decide whether I’d fake it or not. (Not accepting, but the idea it was the worst-planned surprise ever. I didn’t fake it…).
Happy weekend!
Awesome! I am going to read all your stuff. But I just had my Wookie waxed, and I can’t sit still right now.
That is hilarious…in the wish-I-wrote-that-line way!
“The blank Valentines find their way to the dead people’s box.”
Omigosh. We call it the dead people’s box, too. I have so many sympathy cards. I so want a valentine from Viv and William.
That would be blogtastic! Maybe next year, eh? 😉
Of course you have a dead people’s box. You’re my American sistah. 🙂
Somebody made me some custom A-Team valentines and that was nothing next to the smile I got from this post.
Custom? That’s sweet. And I’m honoured to have gifted you a smile.
I’d never let anybody wax my wookie.
Bwahaha.
That’s the best sign ever. Wonder if they got a lot of business this week!
Good question. I’m sure the sign slowed traffic substantially.
My wife and I “celebrate” V-day by being nasty to each other. We have the rest of the year to be nice.
But I totally love your idea about Valentines being all about chocolate. Pity my wife hates chocolate. Wait…..wait….if we are going to be nasty to each other on Valentines, I should actually get her a box of chocolates. 2013 is taken care of.
That makes me laugh! I’ll take her chocolates…
Ahem! I only said SHE didnt like chocolates. I love ’em. 🙂
Very good!
🙂
Yes a good laugh is good for everyone now and again
Freezies! Oh how I miss those 🙂 I would use Smarties to bribe my kids!
OH my. Wookie Waxing. That’s just perfect.
Yesterday, my husband had his schedule unexpectedly shift on him which meant he was home all morning and had to work in the evening.
We were fine with that because after taking the kids to school, we had an empty house to ourselves. Hooray!
But. That’s when I remembered I hadn’t even showered, let alone time to groom the Garden of Eden.
Which turned out okay because there’s nothing better than Genesis jokes on Valentine’s Day.
Am I right?
I think if you had gone with hot chocolate and cookies, they might have gone for Barney. Definitely if you said hot chocolate and cookies every day for the rest of their lives.
I’d never go any place that referred to me as a wookie.
Hilarious share!