Sometimes I get what I deserve.
Like on Monday. I’d returned home from a full day of teaching teenagers on five lousy hours of sleep. I had my snark on.
So when Vivian and William started telling freestyle jokes, I joined in.
I glanced at my husband who was breathing, reason enough to make him a target.
“How many daddies does it take to change a lightbulb?” I asked. I didn’t say screw because I knew better. For once.
Vivian answered. “None,” she said. “They weren’t invented yet.”
I laughed. My little cleverbot had a better punchline than I had. Granted, I didn’t have a punchline planned. And even if I had, there’s video evidence of how badly it goes when I tell a joke.
“Okay,” my husband said, interrupting Vivian and me as we laughed at our own joke. “How many mommies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?”
Vivi and I both shrugged.
“No one knows” he said. “Because they’re too busy on their computers.”
“Not funny,” I said.
“Is so,” he answered.
“Is not.”
“So.”
But it was. Kind of.
Except that I wasn’t on my computer. Yet.
***
What’s your favourite lightbulb joke?
If you don’t have one, feel free to make one up.
Love it!
🙂
Ohhhh – the husband has your number (and Vivian should go on Canada’s Got Talent with her stand-up act).
p.s. my daughter is shoving a Barbie in my face as I type this at 7am, pleading with me to play with her “for once in your too-busy-on-the-computer life”
#yikes
Your daughter cracks me up…
Thanks for the laugh this morning. I needed that!
You’re welcome, Ray.
I know an old one from the net, musician stuff…
“How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?” – “Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart could have done it.”
Nerdy.
(PS yesterday night, 10.20 pm, my husband goes “I’m going bed”… I answered ok with a sad look and closed my ibook. He then said: “… but you can stay up a bit more if you want to”. I was already opening my computer on the ellipsis. Went to bed at 11.59 pm. Poor thing.)
Ha. I am always the last one asleep in our relationship. I have a kindle with a case with a light. I love that thing. 🙂
Crap. I rot at telling jokes. I go all free-form and manic association and it all seems hilarious to me as I am setting up the joke, so I start howling and it’s pollen season so then I start coughing and someone runs and gets me a glass of water and by the time the punchline rolls around the kitchen is a mess and I glance over at the stack of lightbulbs my husband has left on the counter for 3 weeks (true story) and I get too damn annoyed to finish the joke. Which is no joke. Oh–good morning!
🙂 Love your stream of consciousness (Okay. No joke. My fingers typed “scream” of consciousness. Now there’s a title for a blog).
OMG, that IS the title for a blog!!
Ha! Glad, as always, that you got it on here. IYKWIM
Always nice when it gets up…
How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb? One. Hand him the bulb and the world revolves around him.
Love this one!
Him??
Yup, sorry, let’s say an ex who shall not be named.
Ha!
Getting the snark on is a must-do for all parents. Thanks for the chuckle. Will get back with you on the light bulb joke. I need more coffee, first 😉
How many coffee addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one at my house. However, it usually takes the light bulb fixer a while to get to the job. We like stumbling around in the dark and bumping into stuff. Here’s to a good day of snark and coffee.
You got burned. [/appropriately timed light bulb pun]
Ha. Is there a socket in your pocket?
Funny… Cause it’s true.
I agree with Lori… Get that kid an agent!
Or a therapist.
Ha! Vivian’s punchline is top-notch!
I recently waited almost two weeks to get the light over my cubicle fixed at work, and may have been heard saying in those two weeks, “How many [pharma co.] union workers does it take to change a lightbulb? …NO ONE KNOWS.”
Bwahaha.
I heard a student tell another student a joke today in study hall. It was awful, but I couldn’t help laugh at the “badness” of it.
“Q: How many electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb.
A: one.”
That’s it. Thats the whole joke. For some reason, I loved it.
Actually. I love it too. Literalists.
How many grandmothers does it take to change a light bulb?
Grandmothers don’t change light bulbs, they are too busy playing with their grandchildren….. (they could if they had more time….)
True. Grandmas don’t need to tell jokes because they get to send their grandchildren home with someone. 🙂
Zing! Have to be careful of those non-writers. Sometimes they dish out the best comebacks 🙂
Indeed…
Kevin asked the kids what I enjoy and they said “sleeping.” It wasn’t funny. But it was.
Ha. Yes. I’m with you on that one. Unless I’m on an insomniac cycle, which I’m not right now…
Sassy little cleverbot!
Yup.
Vivian is awesome. I would like to propose an arranged marriage between her and #5. He can offer much, much conversation and may share his bacon with her.
Q: How many sound guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. That’s the electrics department.
and this references one of your above comments:
Q: How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. But it’s a four-hour minimum.
That’s all I got.
Bacon? Yum. Being Canadian we all love bacon. We even had some for dinner tonight…
I can’t remember any light bulb jokes. I just wanted to say hi and thank you for a mid-day laugh. This was a well-written essay–nice job with the dialogue!
It’s good to be back to Ironic Mom.
xo
rebecca
So great to have you back, Rebecca!
How many people with ADD does it take to change a light…LOOK! It’s a SQUIRREL!
I think that’s me.
how many therapists does it take to cange a lightbulb?
one but the lightbulb has to want to cange
even you could tell this joke it is not as complicated as the walk into a bar joke
You overestimate my abilities.
Yes, we frequently have our snark on around these parts, too. I love it when my five year old says: “Really, dad? Really?” followed with a serious eye roll.
I can see you getting that a lot, Chad. 🙂
“Like on Monday. I’d returned home from a full day of teaching teenagers on five lousy hours of sleep. I had my snark on.”
Priceless!
Thanks for the visit, TH!
How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulg?
Aw who cares? Let’s go ride bikes.
😀
Love your blog!
How many USC football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one, but he earns 3 credit hours for doing so.