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How Many Parents Does It Take To…

Sometimes I get what I deserve.

Like on Monday. I’d returned home from a full day of teaching teenagers on five lousy hours of sleep. I had my snark on.

So when Vivian and William started telling freestyle jokes, I joined in.

I glanced at my husband who was breathing, reason enough to make him a target.

“How many daddies does it take to change a lightbulb?” I asked. I didn’t say screw because I knew better. For once.

Vivian answered. “None,” she said. “They weren’t invented yet.”

I laughed. My little cleverbot had a better punchline than I had. Granted, I didn’t have a punchline planned. And even if I had, there’s video evidence of how badly it goes when I tell a joke.

“Okay,” my husband said, interrupting Vivian and me as we laughed at our own joke. “How many mommies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?”

Vivi and I both shrugged.

“No one knows” he said. “Because they’re too busy on their computers.”

“Not funny,” I said.

“Is so,” he answered.

“Is not.”

“So.”

But it was. Kind of.

Except that I wasn’t on my computer. Yet.

***

What’s your favourite lightbulb joke? 
If you don’t have one, feel free to make one up. 

Filed Under: Hilarious Family Moments Tagged With: funny mom, funny mom blog, humor, humor blog, Leanne Shirtliffe, lightbulb jokes, parenting, twins

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. jmgoyder says

    April 18, 2012 at 4:31 am

    Love it!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:47 pm

      🙂

      Reply
  2. Lori Dyan says

    April 18, 2012 at 5:18 am

    Ohhhh – the husband has your number (and Vivian should go on Canada’s Got Talent with her stand-up act).
    p.s. my daughter is shoving a Barbie in my face as I type this at 7am, pleading with me to play with her “for once in your too-busy-on-the-computer life”
    #yikes

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:48 pm

      Your daughter cracks me up…

      Reply
  3. Ray Meinhardt says

    April 18, 2012 at 6:12 am

    Thanks for the laugh this morning. I needed that!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:48 pm

      You’re welcome, Ray.

      Reply
  4. serre says

    April 18, 2012 at 6:20 am

    I know an old one from the net, musician stuff…
    “How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?” – “Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart could have done it.”

    Nerdy.
    (PS yesterday night, 10.20 pm, my husband goes “I’m going bed”… I answered ok with a sad look and closed my ibook. He then said: “… but you can stay up a bit more if you want to”. I was already opening my computer on the ellipsis. Went to bed at 11.59 pm. Poor thing.)

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:49 pm

      Ha. I am always the last one asleep in our relationship. I have a kindle with a case with a light. I love that thing. 🙂

      Reply
  5. Running from Hell with El says

    April 18, 2012 at 6:25 am

    Crap. I rot at telling jokes. I go all free-form and manic association and it all seems hilarious to me as I am setting up the joke, so I start howling and it’s pollen season so then I start coughing and someone runs and gets me a glass of water and by the time the punchline rolls around the kitchen is a mess and I glance over at the stack of lightbulbs my husband has left on the counter for 3 weeks (true story) and I get too damn annoyed to finish the joke. Which is no joke. Oh–good morning!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:50 pm

      🙂 Love your stream of consciousness (Okay. No joke. My fingers typed “scream” of consciousness. Now there’s a title for a blog).

      Reply
      • Running from Hell with El says

        April 19, 2012 at 9:07 pm

        OMG, that IS the title for a blog!!

        Reply
  6. Tamara says

    April 18, 2012 at 6:37 am

    Ha! Glad, as always, that you got it on here. IYKWIM

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:50 pm

      Always nice when it gets up…

      Reply
  7. Carol says

    April 18, 2012 at 7:07 am

    How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb? One. Hand him the bulb and the world revolves around him.

    Reply
    • susielindau says

      April 18, 2012 at 7:58 am

      Love this one!

      Reply
    • David N. Walker says

      April 18, 2012 at 9:19 am

      Him??

      Reply
      • Carol says

        April 18, 2012 at 1:48 pm

        Yup, sorry, let’s say an ex who shall not be named.

        Reply
        • Leanne Shirtliffe says

          April 19, 2012 at 8:51 pm

          Ha!

          Reply
  8. Kate says

    April 18, 2012 at 7:22 am

    Getting the snark on is a must-do for all parents. Thanks for the chuckle. Will get back with you on the light bulb joke. I need more coffee, first 😉

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:51 pm

      How many coffee addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

      Reply
      • Kate says

        April 20, 2012 at 5:35 am

        Just one at my house. However, it usually takes the light bulb fixer a while to get to the job. We like stumbling around in the dark and bumping into stuff. Here’s to a good day of snark and coffee.

        Reply
  9. kevinrhaggerty says

    April 18, 2012 at 7:27 am

    You got burned. [/appropriately timed light bulb pun]

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:55 pm

      Ha. Is there a socket in your pocket?

      Reply
  10. Elena Aitken says

    April 18, 2012 at 7:39 am

    Funny… Cause it’s true.
    I agree with Lori… Get that kid an agent!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:55 pm

      Or a therapist.

      Reply
  11. gojulesgo says

    April 18, 2012 at 8:19 am

    Ha! Vivian’s punchline is top-notch!

    I recently waited almost two weeks to get the light over my cubicle fixed at work, and may have been heard saying in those two weeks, “How many [pharma co.] union workers does it take to change a lightbulb? …NO ONE KNOWS.”

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:56 pm

      Bwahaha.

      Reply
  12. kevinrhaggerty says

    April 18, 2012 at 10:08 am

    I heard a student tell another student a joke today in study hall. It was awful, but I couldn’t help laugh at the “badness” of it.

    “Q: How many electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb.

    A: one.”

    That’s it. Thats the whole joke. For some reason, I loved it.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:56 pm

      Actually. I love it too. Literalists.

      Reply
  13. nuvofelt says

    April 18, 2012 at 10:15 am

    How many grandmothers does it take to change a light bulb?

    Grandmothers don’t change light bulbs, they are too busy playing with their grandchildren….. (they could if they had more time….)

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:57 pm

      True. Grandmas don’t need to tell jokes because they get to send their grandchildren home with someone. 🙂

      Reply
  14. Marcy Kennedy says

    April 18, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Zing! Have to be careful of those non-writers. Sometimes they dish out the best comebacks 🙂

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:57 pm

      Indeed…

      Reply
  15. Marianne says

    April 18, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Kevin asked the kids what I enjoy and they said “sleeping.” It wasn’t funny. But it was.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:57 pm

      Ha. Yes. I’m with you on that one. Unless I’m on an insomniac cycle, which I’m not right now…

      Reply
  16. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson says

    April 18, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Sassy little cleverbot!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:58 pm

      Yup.

      Reply
  17. JM Randolph says

    April 18, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Vivian is awesome. I would like to propose an arranged marriage between her and #5. He can offer much, much conversation and may share his bacon with her.

    Q: How many sound guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: None. That’s the electrics department.
    and this references one of your above comments:
    Q: How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A: One. But it’s a four-hour minimum.

    That’s all I got.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:58 pm

      Bacon? Yum. Being Canadian we all love bacon. We even had some for dinner tonight…

      Reply
  18. Rebecca Stanfel says

    April 18, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    I can’t remember any light bulb jokes. I just wanted to say hi and thank you for a mid-day laugh. This was a well-written essay–nice job with the dialogue!

    It’s good to be back to Ironic Mom.

    xo
    rebecca

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:58 pm

      So great to have you back, Rebecca!

      Reply
  19. Howlin' Mad Heather says

    April 18, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    How many people with ADD does it take to change a light…LOOK! It’s a SQUIRREL!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:59 pm

      I think that’s me.

      Reply
  20. mellyq92 says

    April 18, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    how many therapists does it take to cange a lightbulb?
    one but the lightbulb has to want to cange
    even you could tell this joke it is not as complicated as the walk into a bar joke

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:59 pm

      You overestimate my abilities.

      Reply
  21. Chad Jones says

    April 19, 2012 at 7:27 am

    Yes, we frequently have our snark on around these parts, too. I love it when my five year old says: “Really, dad? Really?” followed with a serious eye roll.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:59 pm

      I can see you getting that a lot, Chad. 🙂

      Reply
  22. The Hook says

    April 19, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    “Like on Monday. I’d returned home from a full day of teaching teenagers on five lousy hours of sleep. I had my snark on.”
    Priceless!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      April 19, 2012 at 8:59 pm

      Thanks for the visit, TH!

      Reply
  23. seekingpastor says

    April 19, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulg?
    Aw who cares? Let’s go ride bikes.

    Reply
  24. Leanne Shirtliffe says

    April 19, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    😀

    Reply
  25. eva0817 says

    April 20, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Love your blog!

    Reply
  26. john says

    April 20, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    How many USC football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    Just one, but he earns 3 credit hours for doing so.

    Reply

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