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Mother’s Day, by the Numbers

5: Time my husband left the house for work (a.m.).

7: Time my children let me sleep in until.

2: Homemade gifts received.

2: Homemade cards.

3: Beds my kids made without me asking, begging, or threatening.

2: Rooms my kids cleaned without me asking, begging, or threatening.

1: Slice of cold toast I ate, lovingly made and mangled by my kids.

2: Interruptions while I showered.

9: Times this was retweeted:

4: Cups of tea consumed.

22: Times I invoked “It’s Mother’s Day” as a method to control my children’s behaviour.

2: Ribeye steaks my husband barbecued to perfection in a hail storm.

1: Sappy text to my mom.

1: Laugh-out-loud phone call to my mom.

0: Cards I sent my mom.

0: Gifts I sent my mom.

Infinity plus one: Gifts my mom deserves for raising me.

Infinity plus one: Intangible gifts my kids have given me.

What were your numbers this weekend?

Filed Under: Hilarious Family Moments Tagged With: by the numbers, humor, Ironic Mom, Leanne Shirtliffe, mothers day, parenting

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Trish says

    May 9, 2011 at 6:20 am

    Great post as always, Leanne! I loved Mother’s day this year. I’m glad you had a good one too.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 9, 2011 at 9:24 pm

      Thanks, Trish. At bedtime last night, William said, “Yay! Tomorrow’s kids’ day again.” Indeed.

      Reply
  2. Meet the Buttrams says

    May 9, 2011 at 6:34 am

    This is so sweet. I’m glad your Mother’s Day was lovely!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 9, 2011 at 9:24 pm

      Thanks, JButtWhat (coolest twitter name ever).

      Reply
  3. rob shepherd says

    May 9, 2011 at 6:43 am

    Great post. Being a couple who struggled to get pregnant for six years your tweet was amazing to read. Very cool of you.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 9, 2011 at 9:25 pm

      Thanks, Rob. Hallmark days always make me think of those who are on the outside. Sigh.

      Reply
  4. Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos says

    May 9, 2011 at 6:45 am

    So even though it was a most solo day, complete with a craft crisis and hail (WTF!) it sounds pretty darn nice.

    This is exactly what I was thinking of for my Monday post, only I was so tired last night, my brain failed. I tried to go to bed at 10 PM, which for me is crazy early…

    Hmmm.. you don’t mind if I steal this style, do you? Whenever my kids let me write.

    Glad you had a fab day, my friend. You deserved it!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 9, 2011 at 9:26 pm

      Thanks, Kel. And the craft crisis might very well make its way into Friday’s post. And steal away. I stole the premise from Sports Illustrated.

      Reply
  5. Lori Dyan says

    May 9, 2011 at 7:24 am

    I was allowed to sleep in (past 7am!), futz around on the computer for an hour uninterrupted, given a homemade smoothie, yoga mat (unsolicited…mine supposedly smells) and cards, then went to meet a friend for lunch on a patio. Best Mother’s Day evah!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 9, 2011 at 9:27 pm

      I love how you got to meet a friend. And that your family noticed your yoga mat smells. Nothing says I love you like those types of details.

      Reply
  6. Lisa says

    May 9, 2011 at 7:32 am

    Great post. Happy Mother’s Day. Love the style.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 9, 2011 at 9:27 pm

      Thanks, eh?

      Reply
  7. Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos says

    May 9, 2011 at 8:12 am

    Yup.. I wanted to comment and realized it would be entire blog post, so I just ripped off your idea. It’s up now. 🙂

    http://danceswithchaos.wordpress.com/2011/05/09/paint-by-the-numbers-mothers-day/

    I particularly like the BBQ paired with the hailstorm you had.

    Hope Monday treats you well!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 9, 2011 at 9:31 pm

      It did. And I love your post. Especially your temperature. Monday. Is. Over. And I survived!

      Reply
  8. educlaytion says

    May 9, 2011 at 8:45 am

    1 time my sister was puked on
    1 time my sister was pooped on (it wasn’t me)
    ?? laughs of three generations of family throughout the day, the kind of gathering you remember for a long time
    1 time we watch Tangled so the family could say
    43 times “Can you believe how much Clay looks like Flynn Rider?”

    Reply
    • Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos says

      May 9, 2011 at 11:45 am

      Ok.. dying on the last two… This is our current “favorite movie” and I can about quote it backwards and forwards.

      I think your hair needs a little bit more length to be like Flynn.

      I love the 3 generations laughing. We had it.. sorta.. over the internet. I miss being able to all be together in person.

      Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 9, 2011 at 9:32 pm

      So the implication of this is that *you* puked on your sister. Nice. How did that go over?

      43 times = meaning of life, plus one.

      Reply
  9. harrietglynn says

    May 9, 2011 at 10:19 am

    Awesome day sounds like 😉 Can’t wait until Theo can mangle a piece of toast for me. Ribeye… Oddly, I was sick as adog on Mom’s Day and still went to two kid’s parties (?!).

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 9, 2011 at 9:33 pm

      Yeesh, Harriet. I hope the day after Mother’s Day was better! (And next time you’re in Calgary, come over for some mangled toast).

      Reply
  10. BigLittleWolf says

    May 9, 2011 at 11:41 am

    Oh, I love this post!

    15 shrimp to clean and devein (ugh)
    30 minutes of laughter sharing this process with my 18-year old son
    30 minutes of cooking side by side with aforementioned teen
    20 minutes of Skype with 19-year old in college
    1 kiss on the cheek after dinner, unexpected, and “I love you Mom”

    All adds up to ONE WONDERFUL DAY.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 9, 2011 at 9:35 pm

      A great day! And this was after 17 17-year-olds slept over right? Sheesh. You deserve a wonderful day. Make that a wonderful year! Glad it got off to a good start.

      Reply
  11. monicastangledweb says

    May 9, 2011 at 11:51 am

    Love your post. 2 thoughts I had just now about trying to trump your list. 1 thought that it would be impossible to do so. 3 thoughts that your list is funny and true. Priceless: number of times you’ve made me laugh.

    Glad you had a Happy Mother’s Day!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 9, 2011 at 9:37 pm

      1: sincere thanks t0 you for taking the time to comment. 🙂

      Reply
  12. pegoleg says

    May 9, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    Kept waiting for the “for everything else, there’s Mastercard” tagline.

    2: My misty eyes at the thought of women who want to be mothers, but can’t. How sweet to remember and remind the rest of us.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 9, 2011 at 9:38 pm

      Ya, a bit of a schmaltzy end, eh?

      Thanks. I get the wanting-to-be-a-mom thing.

      Reply
  13. Kim Wilson says

    May 9, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    Leanne, I like the by the numbers idea – good stuff!
    I missed that tweet yesterday, so I’m glad you shared it here. It’s such a great way to encourage someone, unlike what someone said to me yesterday at church: “I’m still waiting ’til I can give you a Mother’s Day card. It’ll happen, right?” Thankfully, I was having a great day, and it didn’t bother me. It definitely goes down in my book of things not to say to single people, though. I’m thinking about starting a blog/advice column about that. I think I’ve heard just about everything.
    Anyway, on behalf of those of us who’d like to have kids but don’t, thank you for your kindness!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 9, 2011 at 9:39 pm

      Kim! Ahh. That comment. It almost bugs me more that it was said at church.

      And I think you have a new column idea. Definitely.

      Reply
  14. Marianne says

    May 9, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    This is a great way to sum up mother’s day! I found out that my son loves me because I drive the boat while he goes tubing with dad and brother. I knew one day I would reach my potential.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 9, 2011 at 9:40 pm

      Did you turn really quickly so they wiped out?

      Not that I’d do that. Really.

      Reply
  15. Bellymonster says

    May 10, 2011 at 6:32 am

    I love, love, love this concept – and chuckled at 22 times you invoked “But it’s Mother’s Day” to have the children shape up. LOVE that!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 10, 2011 at 8:44 am

      I’m pretty sure “It’s Mother’s Day” is the second best seasonal threat (after “I’m calling Santa.”

      Reply
  16. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson says

    May 10, 2011 at 7:12 am

    Okay, I’m giving you numbers:

    73: Husband’s score after his round of golf on Sunday morning.
    89: Dollars I spent at Sephora on new perfume while husband was golfing.
    2: Trips to the library. First time it was closed.
    1: Late brunch with family. Note to self: Always make sure fridge is empty on MD.
    2: Bouquets of flowers. One from mother. One from Hubby, purchased under duress at 3 pm.
    1: Handmade card from son which came after..
    2: hours of helping son practice his vocabulary words en espanol.
    6: pm when all the mothers gathered at SIL’s house for a special dinner.
    70: The age at which my friend’s mother had been when she passed away that very day.
    1: phone call to my mother to wish her a happy mother’s day, and that I hope she is around for many more.

    There you have it.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 10, 2011 at 8:47 am

      I went to the library, too, but only once. I think you should strike a deal with your husband: you get to spend the equivalent to the score he shoots. This will encourage him to golf less and to improve his game (although, 73 is pretty darn good).

      Reply
  17. writerwoman61 says

    May 10, 2011 at 11:57 am

    Fun post, Leanne…I’m glad I’m past the days when the kids wake me up at 7! Your husband is a trooper to have barbecued in a hailstorm!

    Glad you had a Happy Mother’s Day!

    Wendy

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 10, 2011 at 1:22 pm

      Thanks, Wendy. He barbecues in blizzards, too. I think his record is -35.

      Reply
  18. ellieswords says

    May 10, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    By the numbers, I have calculated that you are a very good mama.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 10, 2011 at 1:23 pm

      Maybe on Sunday I was. The other 364 days are hanging in the balance.

      Reply
  19. Paige Morgan says

    May 10, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    So cute! Bravo for the comment on those who want to be mothers, but aren’t. If I had seen the tweet, I would have definitelly re-tweeted.

    Glad you had a quantitatively and qualitatively wonderful mothers day!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      May 10, 2011 at 1:24 pm

      Thanks, Paige. Quantifying quality. Yup. I quantify *everything.*

      Reply
  20. The Good Greatsby says

    May 11, 2011 at 4:33 am

    Did reminding your children it was Mother’s Day help in controlling them? If so, is it possible to convince them all of May is Mother’s Month?

    Reply
  21. The Hook says

    May 15, 2011 at 8:20 am

    Great work – again!

    Reply

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