I have my six-year-old twins in this fantastic piano program: it’s interactive, it’s fun, and it’s instructive. Unfortunately it’s also parented, which means once a week I get to sit through the longest hour of my life.
It would be fine if I didn’t have the problem child. Most weeks it’s William, but sometimes Vivian takes a shot at the title. In addition to my kids, there are three other children in this class. I’m pretty sure all of them have the same middle name: Angel.
But just when I think it can’t get worse than the lesson, the next day comes and we have to practice.
This is Vivian’s Practicing Strategy:
- Eagerly plays the piece.
- Melts down when she makes a mistake (which may or may not involve flinging the book across the room).
- Blames me.
- Starts the piece over.
- Repeats until I bang my forehead onto the keys (I’m not exaggerating) or until she plays the piece perfectly.
This is William’s Practicing Strategy:
- Waits till I catch him and fireman-carry him into the library.
- Races out of library. Returns with toy-of-the-day, such as a large car. Places toy on keyboard. Drives toy over keys. Freaks out when I take toy away.
- Plays keys with forehead. Looks up long enough to see my death stare.
- Does what he’s supposed to: C scale with modified chords.
- Whinges when I tell him to practice the scale down too. Presses the sound effect key on keyboard and plays vomit key, machine gun key, and rooster key. Freaks out when I turn sound effect key off. Turns sound effect key on again. Gives me the I-hate-you look when I threaten to take before-bed-TV-time (worst parenting routine ever) away.
- Does what he’s supposed to: Plays first song.
- Starts telling me about the latest episode of Sponge Bob Square Pants. Watches my puppet show about Bass Clef Puppet (who whines because he doesn’t have much to do in the next song) and Treble Clef Puppet (who whines about having too much to do). Note: this is not part of the program, but the action of a desperate mother.
- Does what he’s supposed to: Plays second song.
- Goes back to sound effect key. Ignores me as I walk out of room.
- Does what he’s supposed to: Plays third song.
And do you want to know what’s really crazy?
I’m going to do it again next year.
3. Blames me.
Sounds like a sound strategy. Ahem.
I’m thinking spilled wine makes the keys sticky, unless you lap it up fast enough.
I’m considering piano lessons. Are they BYOB?
Funny stuff! (From the reader’s perspective. Yours, maybe not so much.)
Thanks, Jess. They’re not BYOB (but see Colleen’s comment below). I still am happy we’re doing it. William has learned a lot. If I let him do whatever he wanted to, he’d be in front of the TV all day. Sigh.
Good thing you’re not a music teacher…or else you would be hiding a bottle somewhere in the house!
Seriously. Don’t know how you music teachers do it. Then again, maybe I do.
Hilarious! Both of my parents are music teachers and both, at one point or another, attempted to teach my brother and I how to play piano. As an adult, I can appreciate their efforts, but my appreciation was limited as a child.
Embrace the vomit key. Perhaps William hears beautiful music hidden somewhere within it and is merely trying to bring it to the surface.
Your parents must have the patience of angels. Come to think of it, most parents must if their children are still breathing.
Laughing at your “bring it to the surface” pun. Indeed.
Oh, how I feel your pain, and we haven’t even got to the actual instrument stage yet! BUT thinking my tot loves music, I fork out for one of these crazy-ass expensive programs, only to find that DS prefers to run around, climb the chairs while all the other Angels sit like docile lambs on the rug. Then, when we get home he pipes up and starts singing the songs at the dinner table, so guess something must have seeped in. Argh! Booze in my travel mug…
You’re better than me. I waited till my kids were in Grade One to start them in music. And booze in your travel mug? Proof you *are* better than me.
LOL – the six Moms in one of my classes are lobbying for a licensed music class next fall – they’ll take turns bringing the red wine. Shall I register you in that one ?
Colleen (aka music teacher)
Colleen, I’m signing up (pretty sure you know I’m serious). Let me know the class -MYC (Music for Young Children) and WTM (Wine for Tired Moms). I can dig it. (And I can blog it, too!)
Vivian’s strategy is suspiciously similar to that of my son whenever we attempt a craft…
Is he a perfectionist crafter or a flinger of materials? Sigh. If only our kids had personalities.
Well it is obviously your fault when Vivian makes a mistake.
Somehow.
I’m sure.
After all, she is an angel.
But if you’re really getting frustrated, you could remind her she has no mommy so it couldn’t be your fault.
Hey. She started it.
Laughing. Out. Loud.
Yup, no mommy = no practicing = no perfection. You are so funny.
I can relate! Princess plays flute and piano, starting guitar soon. And Speedy starts band next year. Plus Dictator will be ready to begin piano. I’m already dreading all the screeching, pounding, plucking, etc my ears will have to endure and all the barking at them to practice I’ll be doing. Must stock pile my wine.
This week it’s egg dying making me crazy. New post coming on that tomorrow.
More than one instrument? That’s crazy! Plus, not sure if you have one of these open-style floor plans with little coves (without doors), but clearly the architect who started that trend did not have children who took music lessons.
You dye eggs? You are so better than me. Usually my neighbour takes my kids for that. She knows I’m a lousy mom, but she’s my friend anyway. She was the first one to paint Vivian’s nails too.
“vomit key” LMAO!!!! sooo reminds me of the Friends episode where Ross gets out his old keyboard and “plays” (well worth watching if you have no clue what I’m on about lol – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOownOy8UT8)
Good luck, my b/f’s nephew is 2 and he LOVES playing he drums… I think I’d take the piano any day lol
Thanks for the link. I hadn’t seen that episode before. I never quite thought of playing the helicopter and rooster keys as “wordless sound poems.” Ross puts it so well, doesn’t he. (Hint to others: go to the 2 minute mark on the youtube clip).
I am laughing. And yes, drums would be worse.
I wrote a really long response to this post, Leanne, and then lost it…here’s the short version:
If it were me, I don’t think this is the hill I’d pick to die on…why put yourself and the kids through that if they’re not interested? We do a lot of things that we really don’t want to do…I don’t think playing music should be one of them…just my two cents worth…
Wendy
P.S. I took piano lessons from age 5 to 8, and loved it. I also taught myself to play my dad’s guitar, and played flute in the high school band. I did that because I wanted to…no one forced me to!
You make a valid point, Wendy. You’re definitely a self starter. (And how frustrating losing a long comment is!)
I’m pretty sure William doesn’t hate the lessons though; he hates practicing (as did I when I took 5 years of organ lessons) but not playing so much or the teacher-led lesson. Come to think of it, I may be the problem. Sigh. Who knows. At least it’s something concrete he can blame me for later!
Combine your kids into one child and you have me learning piano back in the day… How my mother didn’t succumb to alcoholism is beyond my understanding.
Don’t worry, they’ll appreciate the fact that they can play an instrument when they’re older. That is, after the “blaming mom for everything” stage subsides!
I think the “blaming mom for everything” stage is from 13-23, right? Part of me still believes it’s good to do things even if you don’t LOVE them. I did a lot of farm work that I didn’t love when I grew up.
Sounds like you were quite the child. Kids with lots of personality turn into interesting adults, right? I’m banking on that.
Have you seen the “Mommy’s Time Out” wine glass by Lolita? It’s pretty fantastic and pretty necessary.
http://www.winedivashop.com/Lolita_Wine_Glass_Mommy_s_Timeout_p/glsb-gls11-5595k.htm
I love the “keep 3 feet from me” sign on the glass. Brilliant.
My sister has been teaching piano for years. Some of those took place while she lived at home. You think it’s hard when it’s your own kids, but as you say about all those “Angels,” it’s even worse when other people’s kids fail out loud for an hour. We still laugh about all the random things her students heard while we were trying to keep our dysfunction on the other side of the wall.
I love how “you” were the dysfunction. I’m pretty sure your sister could write a humour book. Lots of material. I’m sure.
I got tired just ‘reading’ about William’s strategy…I need some wine now just from empathizing. LOL I think you should consider taking Colleen up on her ‘licensed music class’ option. 🙂
LOL. I think I needed some wine after writing this last night. Actually, as the stars align, I’m pretty sure Colleen IS going to be my kids’ teacher next year. And it has nothing to do with wine. Really.
Too funny. We somehow got our oldest (will be 2 end of this month) into a “TV before bed” routine and I’m not sure how it happened. My guess is we were desperate one night and would have caved on just about anything. I suppose I should be greatful we’re not stuck with a “hit daddy in the head with pretend plastic food before bed” routine.
It’s amazing how those sanity breaks turn into routines. My kids used to watch half an hour of cartoons in the morning too, but I’ve stopped that (except on one weekend morning). I’m starting to scale down evenings too. Two nights TV free. Plus, soon, they’ll be playing soccer on two additional evenings. I can’t help but think this would be easier if we didn’t live in a snow zone, but who am I kidding? It’s never easy.
“What’s making you go crazy this week”
Minutes ago, I gave my son a haircut. It started out with every intention of being a quick trim around the ears and back of his neck.
Yeah right.
Over the first ear went (somewhat) fine, but with the last cut he moved and I ended up jabbing him in the head with the tip of the scissors.
Tears and pleading of “Can we be done now” began, but I had to be the worst mom ever and continue on to the second ear. Ten looooong minutes later I discovered I really suck at cutting a wiggly, crying child’s hair.
So, because I have no shame I am sending him to school with a large chunk of hair missing over one ear while the other side is perfect (the first side we cut, before the wiggles and tears started) and the back looks like a ramp…starts high and ends low.
Pathetic mess.
Christi Corbett
http://christicorbett.wordpress.com
You cut your child’s hair? You brave woman. But I’m the Craft Fail Woman who can barely grip a pair of scissors.
But I enjoyed your story. I love the ramp image!
We tried piano with the boys (4 & 6) and ditched it after 5 lessons. We are now enrolled in tribal drumming. We’ll let you know how it goes.
I am smiling. Somehow, I think I could pound out many a blog post after tribal drumming lessons, too. Let me know how it goes! Can I sign up?
Tamara–tribal drumming sounds like a great idea! Especially if you have a soundproof room somewhere in the house…
As for me, I drown in guilt every time other moms talk about their mommy and me toddler music classes. EVERYONE seems to do it, and yet I absolutely cannot tolerate them. I’ve tried every brand, and despite the fact that I can see the obvious benefit for my child, I want to tear my hair out. Check back in a few years and I’ll let you all know if he turns out worse for it…
I definitely could not have done it when my kids were toddlers. I think waiting till they’re older is good, depending on the kid. Vivian is the one who works ahead in her book. Just because. William. Well. You know.
I am thanking God right now that neither my cats nor my bunnies have any interest in playing any musical instruments whatsoever. Unless of course you count the oboe…I can’t seem to break Biscuit Bunny of that one…
Laughing at the image of Biscuit playing the oboe. I’ve watched so much kid TV that it’s not that far out of a concept.
I recall the flute years (no problem). And the trumpet years (BIG problem). The piano years have been fine. Cymbals, drums, electric guitar… no comment.
Funny, now that you mention it – everything about parenting (mothering) has made me wonder why I’m not a heavy drinker. Chocolate and Bravo – another story altogether.
You have survived it all! Cymbals? Electric guitar? Pass the Tylenol, please. Good point about parenting. This could have been a fill-in-the-blank post: Why __ Makes Me Want To Drink.
Funny stuff, Mama! I can see it all so clearly, in my mind’s eye!
Please see “To Whom it May Concern” letter, posted about a month ago. If I were also sitting through piano lessons AS WELL, I’d have been thanking the makers of straightjackets along with the makers of Baileys.
I “played” piano for years. Must go call my mum now and apologize…
I remember that post. Almost makes you want to name your child, Bailey, doesn’t it?
I think I should apologize to my mom, too. For lots of things.
They are going to love you for this when they are 30. My parents let me stop taking lessons and I wish I could play something other then a PS3.
They’ll love me or hate me for it. There are a lot of things that fall into that category, however.
William has an addictive personality (not for music though), so I’m keeping him away from PS3 and Wii. For as long as I can.
Is that a real glass in your picture and can I get half a dozen so that one is always at hand?
Yup, the glass is real! My boss, who’s also my friend and a fab supporter of my blog, gave it to me for my birthday a couple months ago. Tonight William said, “That’s your favourite glass, Mom.” Yup. It’s gotta be special if I hand wash. I don’t even hand wash my hands.
I love the photograph you used in this post! And it brings back intriguing memories of my own forced piano lessons. If it was a song I liked, then I learned it and played it really well, but if I didn’t like the song or didn’t want to practice I would make up lots of excuses. My mom used to put a timer in the room to make me practice. And when she wasn’t looking I’d spin the timer ahead. Then she started putting a wooden spoon next to the timer to smack me when I moved the timer. All that work, and I can only play the theme song of Peanuts. *shakes head*
Hilarious, Jess. I too was threatened with the wooden spoon. One has to wonder if the manufacturers ever realized they were making weapons.
The best thing about the program my kids are in is that they don’t make them master a song. They just move on. I love that strategy. I still remember playing “Shoe Fly Don’t Bother Me” and hating it and never playing it perfectly.
Peanuts? You could’ve done much worse!
If I had a vomit key I’d never get any practicing done.
I think your cat would be all over it too. 🙂
My daughter has been in piano for years and until she recently changed teachers, she wasn’t really learning anything! It can definitely inspire binge drinking. Hang in there!
I’m hanging, indeed. It’s amazing the difference a teacher can make. We’ve lucked out in that area.
Bahaha! SO funny. And “they” say music is calming. I guess you have to wait until they can play Debussy before that’ll happen. 🙂
Music is calming, if you have noise-canceling headphones. 😉
Wow…they have such different strategies. I had a keyboard, but my parents never got me lessons, so I did alot of the sound effects key…and Chopsticks.
Chopsticks: I forgot about chopsticks! Long may the day be until my kids learn that “song.”
Hilarious post. The organ! My husband had organ lessons for years, yet strangely enough, doesn’t talk about it. I took piano for years and got out many a frustration by BANGING the keys during the ‘surprising’ portion of Haydn’s Surprise Symphony. My teacher told me that Haydn composed this piece in order to ‘wake up the audience,’– including her, I suppose.
You played Haydn? Wow.
I think those of us who took organ lessons should form a support group.
Thanks for commenting.
So you taught W the play with forehead thing? See, he’s paying attention.
Thankfully, our kids take instruction/coaching much better from others than they do from us. I sat in on Slim’s piano lesson one time and thought, “Who is this kid?”
Yes, I taught him that. Indirectly. Sigh.
Parenting is like teaching that way. Sometimes you have to get out of the way so kids can learn.
I just had this post forwarded to me from another Sunbeams mom. I SOOOOOOOO feel your pain!! I have my 7 and 5 1/2 year olds in the same class. Mine are also the “trouble kids” and most practices end in a full toddler tantrum (by ME). Also signed up for next year. Gaaaaaaaa! Glad I am not the only psycho out there! Cheers!
Kristie! Glad to meet another trying-to-cope mom. Perhaps we need to dump our kids with a sitter after lessons and head out for a glass of wine. Sigh. As long as there’s no pianist in the bar. 😉
Loved your blog! I think I too have my kids in this oh so insane but amazing music program where parental involvement is required. It is no small feat to get to June…I think my husband I deserve a trophy or some kind of award for being the kind of parents who have not (yet) given the keyboard to Good Will, cancelled all classes that start after 4pm and moved to some unknown land where kids just figure out what they are good at without their parents playing trial and error on ballet, jazz, hip hop and other such worthy but oh such a pain in the …. type of cat and mouse game all with the hopes of giving our precious offsprings a SOLID FOUNDATION!
Hello – I’m an MYC music teacher. Having given up on teaching my own children piano years ago, I discovered MYC, and SO wish they could have had it. However, your post really struck a chord in me (pun intended) and I feel the need to share with you the secret words of the Goodbye Song WE sing, (written after one particularly long and trying day with a class I affectionately termed, “The Monsters”) So long, farewell, our music class is over. I’ll kick your butts right out of here, and then it’s time to drink a beer!”
My husband wrote it, sang it to me, and then handed me a tall cold one.
Hang in there – it’s worth it! I’ve taught for over 25 yrs, and have yet to hear anyone say, “Gee, I wish I hadn’t spent all that time practicing. I could have watched more TV.” I have however, heard MANY people express regret that they quit.