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Running Away from the Circus

An Elephant Orphanage near Chiang Mai, Thailand (Feb 2005). When in a foreign country, it is important to obey laws. As a result I did not feed my 9-month-old twins to the elephants. At least not during the show, as the sign stipulates.

I love the Cirque du Soleil. It gives me a sense of what it must be like to take an illegal substance.

But Cirque du Soleil is not the circus.

I hate the circus. It gives me a sense of what it must be like to need to take an illegal substance.

If you want to read about why I want to run away from the circus (the one with animal rights’ activists who greet patrons by waving placards that hide the illegal substances they’re taking), you need to jump over. Here is the link to my humour column that was published in today’s Calgary Herald:

Running Away from the Circus

And then come back and tell me what circus acts make you want to freak out.

Filed Under: On the Move Tagged With: blog, Calgary Herald, circus, elephants, funny, humor, humor column, Ironic Mom, Leanne Shirtliffe, mom, parenting, running away from the circus, Thailand, twins

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Trish Loye Elliott says

    September 29, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    Great article! LOL funny!
    Nice work! (can I put any more exclamation points here?) I really liked it!!!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 30, 2011 at 3:34 pm

      Go wild!! Unless Brad is reading!!! If he is, this one’s for him!!!! 😉

      Reply
  2. prttynpnk says

    September 29, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    I totally feel your clown pain. There is a clown with a similiar name to my husbands and we get his mail- he’s not just any clown- he is ‘Buttons: God’s Clown’. Yes, there is a scary offshoot of religious clowning out there lurking!
    Loved your article!!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 30, 2011 at 3:35 pm

      I have a friend who did Christian clowning. I love her. But it also makes me want to barricade myself behind an alter.

      Reply
      • prttynpnk says

        September 30, 2011 at 5:59 pm

        So have also seen the story of Jonah done with balloon animals!

        Reply
  3. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson says

    September 29, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    “I don’t trust men when they talk about sizes.”

    Heh heh heh.

    I actually cannot believe you just wrote a piece about clowns. Because I just saw a person dressed up as a clown TODAY. And I hate clowns. In fact, when Monkey was born, I specifically told people, “No clowns, please.”

    I think that happened after I saw Poltergeist.

    I should also mention my mother bought Hubby and me a freaky stuffed violin-playing clown for our first wedding anniversary. Strange how we cannot seem to find it anywhere.

    Glad you saw Cirque de Soleil. 😉

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 30, 2011 at 3:36 pm

      Ouch. My father in law gets us lottery tickets for our anniversary (and dim sum); I lucked out. I think I’d bury the clown.

      And I love that we’re sisters in clown hating…

      Reply
  4. thoughtsappear says

    September 30, 2011 at 7:27 am

    Sooooo expensive….

    My favorite part was this: “I stopped listening; I don’t trust men when they talk about sizes.”

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 30, 2011 at 3:36 pm

      🙂

      Reply
  5. Catherine Johnson says

    September 30, 2011 at 7:36 am

    That was SO funny!!!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 30, 2011 at 3:37 pm

      Thanks, Catherine.

      Reply
  6. educlaytion says

    September 30, 2011 at 7:48 am

    Oh yeah, you were on your game for this one lady. I was laughing the whole way through, especially after the line about being distracted by William saying something on topic. Terrific!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 30, 2011 at 3:37 pm

      Thank you, Mr. Morgan.

      Reply
  7. Misty says

    September 30, 2011 at 8:54 am

    3 lattes? Man, Starbucks is cheap in the great white North.

    Can’t believe you denied your wee ones those elephants! That’s the best part of the circus. And clowns don’t bother me for some reason, and yes, I have seen Poltergeist. That is a clown DOLL. Totally different level of scary. But the real live ones? Eh.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 30, 2011 at 3:38 pm

      Ha. Yes, well it doesn’t cost as much to refrigerate the milk.

      You are a stronger woman than me…not being afraid of clowns (the other thing that scares me are swings moving in the dark…)

      Reply
  8. JM Randolph says

    September 30, 2011 at 9:48 am

    “They’re sick today. From all the travel.” Nice! I can’t do the circus because of the clowns. I have an honest clown phobia and can’t track where it came from. I ran out of a bookstore once because my husband had found a pop-up book of phobias and came over to me with the clown one. We were just dating then. I can’t believe I still married him after that.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 30, 2011 at 3:39 pm

      I would have joined you running out of the book store. Was there a bar nearby? We could’ve gone for a drink…

      Reply
  9. keithmurrill says

    September 30, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    Great article. The first line was a great hook. I was pulled in kicking and screaming…and spit out the other end (not of the elephant, the article) laughing my head off.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 30, 2011 at 8:52 pm

      Aww, thanks Keith. I appreciate you saying that, not to mention the elephant clarification. 😉

      Reply
  10. randomlychad says

    October 1, 2011 at 10:14 am

    Great article! I giggled the entire way through. I can relate.

    Oh, and Pennywise says:

    “We all float.”

    😉

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      October 2, 2011 at 9:43 pm

      :).

      Reply

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