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Stop! What's Your Sign?

I’m cheating. I posted this two years ago today, when my blog was a newborn, crying for attention from a small audience.

**

Today is Married To a Scorpio Support Day. That makes me laugh. Is there a support group for people married to bulls? (I mean the astrological sign – not the animal or the basketball team — though I supposed being married to a large mammal would necessitate a support group too).

Be Scared: A Fluorescent Scorpion

Fluorescent Scorpion, by Schristia

People born under the sign of Scorpio are supposed to be intense, obstinate, and persistent, and those are the positive characteristics, so no wonder why their spouses need a support group. Those three traits also describe every child, including my own Alpha and Omega.

Vivian and William are Geminis. Figures: twins born under the sign of twins. How unoriginal. According to the high science of astrology, my children display the following traits: they are versatile, lively, and responsive. Lively? Yes, just drop by my house at 6:00 a.m. on any day, especially weekends. Versatile? Yes, if 5-minute Jekyll to Hyde transformations can be evidence of that. They aren’t usually responsive, unless they’ve consumed chocolate, and then they turn into Tasmanian Devils on speed.

Now for those without children, Halloween is long gone, but for those of us with littluns, its effects are everywhere: from the candy wrappers under the couch to the standing broad jump competitions (with the edge of the dinner table serving as the starting line).

The Holy Grail

In the interests of controlling such chocolate-induced misbehavior, I placed the candy bowls on top of the fridge. This way, I could control the candy, kind of like a Pavlovian experiment involving kids: they behave; I reward them with candy. Well, this worked till they staged their own rebellion.

Last Saturday, while I attempted to sleep in till 7, William and Vivian went downstairs for a snack. Normally, they come back with an apple or a bagel. This time, I dozed. I’d spent the past week getting up at 4 a.m. to write report card comments. Sleep had won.

When I awoke to silence, I trudged downstairs to find this scene: William was standing on the cupboard, passing chocolates to Vivian, who was using scissors to cut off the wrappers. It was an efficient assembly line that, if copied on a larger scale by automakers, would still have had GM in full production. Judging by Vivian and William’s chocolate-clown faces, they had a few unionized coffee breaks to enjoy the fruits of their labour.

The Monkey: Caged for a Reason?

A Portrait of a Monkey, by Samantha

Yup, they’re lively and they’re monkeys, almost literally. Born in 2004, the monkey is their Chinese zodiac sign. Although I only read horoscopes at airports and at Dim Sum, one look at these descriptors almost makes me a devotee.

MONKEY: These are the active signs of the zodiac… an inner spirit of lightning energy…come up with new ideas…love playing games… play tricks…insensitive … hard to settle.

Hard to settle? No kidding. I bet settling’s also hard for Scorpios, not to mention their spouses. So, to all who live with someone born between October 23 and November 22, “Happy” Married To a Scorpio Support Day. And if your Scorpio was born in the Year of the Monkey, good luck to ya. Really.

Today’s pick up line/request for comments:
What’s your sign? What are your supposed good/bad traits?

Filed Under: Hilarious Family Moments Tagged With: blog, funny, humor, Ironic Mom, Leanne Shirtliffe, mom

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. K.B. Owen says

    November 18, 2011 at 5:35 am

    Yep, silence is the universal sign that your kids are up to no good. Loved the flashback, Leanne!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 18, 2011 at 6:58 pm

      Thanks, K!

      Reply
  2. prudencemacleod says

    November 18, 2011 at 5:43 am

    Never underestimate the power of unionized workers, especially where chocolate is involved. tee hee

    Chinese astrology: I was born in the year of the ox. My size and strength perhaps?

    Great post, thanks for sharing.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 18, 2011 at 6:59 pm

      You’re a strong woman, that’s how I interpret ox-ish-ness. 🙂

      Reply
  3. EllieAnn says

    November 18, 2011 at 5:58 am

    LoL! I love the description: chocolate clown faces.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 18, 2011 at 6:59 pm

      It gets everywhere…

      Reply
  4. educlaytion says

    November 18, 2011 at 7:48 am

    I’m a Sagittarius, happy go lucky guy that I am. Born in the year of the snake. Might’ve been living down to that creature a decade or so ago when it hit. I also tend to make astrologers angry 🙂

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 18, 2011 at 7:00 pm

      Uh oh. An angry-happy-go-lucky guy? I’m not buying it…

      Reply
  5. Michelle Head says

    November 18, 2011 at 8:12 am

    haha. My husband and I are both Scorpios born in the year of the monkey. Its amazing we survived until adulthood.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 18, 2011 at 7:00 pm

      Oh to be a fly on the wall of your house.

      Reply
  6. happinessafterheartache says

    November 18, 2011 at 8:19 am

    My husband and the twins are all Virgos. What does that mean? Super Intelligent…….to the point of being super meticulous and overcritcal. Lovely. And I’m outnumbered as an unpredictable and idealistic Aquarius. 🙂 PS – My son’s name is William too!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 18, 2011 at 7:02 pm

      And I’m an aquarian…I think we’re also independent, outgoing, and curious. Yup.

      Reply
  7. susielindau says

    November 18, 2011 at 8:38 am

    My husband, son, sister, and mother-in-law are all Scorpios, but they are more lovers than fighters, thank the Lord!!
    I am an Aries and was born during the year of the dog so I am even more of a leader and fiercely loyal!
    Great repost!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 18, 2011 at 7:02 pm

      Loyalty and leadership are fab traits…

      Reply
  8. Kim Wilson says

    November 18, 2011 at 8:53 am

    I guess whoever I marry is in for a treat since I’m a Scorpio. Good thing he’s got a support group day. 🙂

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 18, 2011 at 7:03 pm

      Ha. I don’t think he’d need a support group. Maybe just some football buddies. 😉

      Reply
  9. Meet the Buttrams says

    November 18, 2011 at 9:36 am

    I don’t call it cheating, I call it recycling.

    AND I’M A GEMINI! We’re the best.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 18, 2011 at 7:03 pm

      Well I birthed two, so I’m not about to argue. And you’re living proof, after all…

      Reply
  10. Tamara says

    November 18, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    I’m a Scorpio. I bet you can guess my best and worst traits. 😉

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 18, 2011 at 7:03 pm

      Indeed…

      Reply
  11. Keenie Beanie says

    November 18, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    Can I get a “what, what” from the Capricorns in the house? No? They’re all off planning out the next 25 years of their lives. I married a Gemini and he’s been trying to break me of the habit for a nearly decade. It started when I delivered him a daily, nay, hourly itinerary for our honeymoon. Which he promptly shredded.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 18, 2011 at 7:04 pm

      Ha! Scheduling a honeymoon. That made me laugh. So did the shredding…

      Reply
  12. Larry Hehn says

    November 18, 2011 at 9:44 pm

    My sign is “Squeeze Left”.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 19, 2011 at 11:29 pm

      I’m laughing.

      Reply
  13. Renee Schuls-Jacobson says

    November 18, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    I’m a sheep, but secretly I think I’m a horse. I didn’t know your hubby is a Scorpio. We are even more bonded. And now I know why you get me. I am what you know.

    Love that you had your monkeys and I had mine. Until he grew up to become Tech Support.

    Your twins are doubly resourceful. Vivian has always been good with the scissors. And she clearly understood that William should not handle them. 😉

    Happy b’day to hubby. Is it today?

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 19, 2011 at 11:30 pm

      Actually, DH isn’t a Scorpio. I only befriend Scorpions, not marry them. 🙂

      Reply
  14. monicastangledweb says

    November 19, 2011 at 12:07 am

    I’m glad you re-posted this. Hilarious. I also love (and want to thank you for it) that you have such an amazing sense of humor about your kids, which makes your blog so enjoyable to read, as it’s not one of those yet-another-blog-about-the-best-kids-in-the-world. Your sense of hilarity wins every time!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 19, 2011 at 11:31 pm

      Thanks for taking the time to write that, Monica. Over-emoting makes me ill, especially when it’s me who’s doing it…

      Reply
  15. Team Oyeniyi says

    November 19, 2011 at 1:53 am

    I’m a Gemini. We are wonderful people, just a little mercurial for some to cope with.

    I was married to two different Aries – NEVER AGAIN! I have a Scorpio son and we took astrological advice – we bought a play pen to protect ourselves. 😀

    I now have a Scorpio daughter (birthday tomorrow) who I think might have been born a couple of days too early – not a Scorpio at all!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 19, 2011 at 11:32 pm

      Your DD’s on the cusp, is she? Quite literally if tomorrow is her birthday. And…Happy “Birth” Day to you!

      Reply
      • Team Oyeniyi says

        November 19, 2011 at 11:59 pm

        Oooops – thanks for the wishes to me, but I’m not the one who gave birth in this case. I received more than a husband when I married, I received four angelic little devils as well! 😆

        Reply
  16. gojulesgo says

    November 19, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    Heh, I always like a good pick-up line on the weekend. I am a Taurus – stubborn but loyal and down-to-earth. But I don’t think I’m stubborn. Hear me!? I’m NOT stubborn. No. WAY.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 19, 2011 at 11:33 pm

      You really are very, very funny. I think we’d get along splendidly. But our sides would hurt.

      Reply
  17. Rebecca Stanfel says

    November 19, 2011 at 10:18 pm

    It may be old, but it’s a great piece.

    Love Operation Candy assembly line. Love the long jump.

    Rebecca

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 19, 2011 at 11:33 pm

      I thought you were talking about my face after line 1.

      Reply
  18. Christian Emmett says

    November 20, 2011 at 1:01 am

    I think that most people who follow astrology would say that I’m supposed to be the ADHD of the group. As an Aries/Dragon I’m apparently a powder-keg of energy, passion, drive and curiosity. Often one to try new things, I can be easily bored and my (star-sign’s) disdain for criticism and penchant for sulking is also well known…

    For better and worse, I’ll always be proud to be who and what I am. 🙂

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 20, 2011 at 4:40 pm

      Love the powder-keg image…

      Kaboom!

      Reply
  19. The Hook says

    November 23, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    I wouid never have figured you for a cheater!
    Still, you do good work….

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 24, 2011 at 2:42 pm

      Thanks, TH. I may cheat but I always tell people. So I’m immoral with a conscience.

      Reply

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