I’m cheating. I posted this two years ago today, when my blog was a newborn, crying for attention from a small audience.
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Today is Married To a Scorpio Support Day. That makes me laugh. Is there a support group for people married to bulls? (I mean the astrological sign – not the animal or the basketball team — though I supposed being married to a large mammal would necessitate a support group too).
Fluorescent Scorpion, by Schristia
People born under the sign of Scorpio are supposed to be intense, obstinate, and persistent, and those are the positive characteristics, so no wonder why their spouses need a support group. Those three traits also describe every child, including my own Alpha and Omega.
Vivian and William are Geminis. Figures: twins born under the sign of twins. How unoriginal. According to the high science of astrology, my children display the following traits: they are versatile, lively, and responsive. Lively? Yes, just drop by my house at 6:00 a.m. on any day, especially weekends. Versatile? Yes, if 5-minute Jekyll to Hyde transformations can be evidence of that. They aren’t usually responsive, unless they’ve consumed chocolate, and then they turn into Tasmanian Devils on speed.
Now for those without children, Halloween is long gone, but for those of us with littluns, its effects are everywhere: from the candy wrappers under the couch to the standing broad jump competitions (with the edge of the dinner table serving as the starting line).
In the interests of controlling such chocolate-induced misbehavior, I placed the candy bowls on top of the fridge. This way, I could control the candy, kind of like a Pavlovian experiment involving kids: they behave; I reward them with candy. Well, this worked till they staged their own rebellion.
Last Saturday, while I attempted to sleep in till 7, William and Vivian went downstairs for a snack. Normally, they come back with an apple or a bagel. This time, I dozed. I’d spent the past week getting up at 4 a.m. to write report card comments. Sleep had won.
When I awoke to silence, I trudged downstairs to find this scene: William was standing on the cupboard, passing chocolates to Vivian, who was using scissors to cut off the wrappers. It was an efficient assembly line that, if copied on a larger scale by automakers, would still have had GM in full production. Judging by Vivian and William’s chocolate-clown faces, they had a few unionized coffee breaks to enjoy the fruits of their labour.
A Portrait of a Monkey, by Samantha
Yup, they’re lively and they’re monkeys, almost literally. Born in 2004, the monkey is their Chinese zodiac sign. Although I only read horoscopes at airports and at Dim Sum, one look at these descriptors almost makes me a devotee.
MONKEY: These are the active signs of the zodiac… an inner spirit of lightning energy…come up with new ideas…love playing games… play tricks…insensitive … hard to settle.
Hard to settle? No kidding. I bet settling’s also hard for Scorpios, not to mention their spouses. So, to all who live with someone born between October 23 and November 22, “Happy” Married To a Scorpio Support Day. And if your Scorpio was born in the Year of the Monkey, good luck to ya. Really.
Today’s pick up line/request for comments:
What’s your sign? What are your supposed good/bad traits?
Yep, silence is the universal sign that your kids are up to no good. Loved the flashback, Leanne!
Thanks, K!
Never underestimate the power of unionized workers, especially where chocolate is involved. tee hee
Chinese astrology: I was born in the year of the ox. My size and strength perhaps?
Great post, thanks for sharing.
You’re a strong woman, that’s how I interpret ox-ish-ness. 🙂
LoL! I love the description: chocolate clown faces.
It gets everywhere…
I’m a Sagittarius, happy go lucky guy that I am. Born in the year of the snake. Might’ve been living down to that creature a decade or so ago when it hit. I also tend to make astrologers angry 🙂
Uh oh. An angry-happy-go-lucky guy? I’m not buying it…
haha. My husband and I are both Scorpios born in the year of the monkey. Its amazing we survived until adulthood.
Oh to be a fly on the wall of your house.
My husband and the twins are all Virgos. What does that mean? Super Intelligent…….to the point of being super meticulous and overcritcal. Lovely. And I’m outnumbered as an unpredictable and idealistic Aquarius. 🙂 PS – My son’s name is William too!
And I’m an aquarian…I think we’re also independent, outgoing, and curious. Yup.
My husband, son, sister, and mother-in-law are all Scorpios, but they are more lovers than fighters, thank the Lord!!
I am an Aries and was born during the year of the dog so I am even more of a leader and fiercely loyal!
Great repost!
Loyalty and leadership are fab traits…
I guess whoever I marry is in for a treat since I’m a Scorpio. Good thing he’s got a support group day. 🙂
Ha. I don’t think he’d need a support group. Maybe just some football buddies. 😉
I don’t call it cheating, I call it recycling.
AND I’M A GEMINI! We’re the best.
Well I birthed two, so I’m not about to argue. And you’re living proof, after all…
I’m a Scorpio. I bet you can guess my best and worst traits. 😉
Indeed…
Can I get a “what, what” from the Capricorns in the house? No? They’re all off planning out the next 25 years of their lives. I married a Gemini and he’s been trying to break me of the habit for a nearly decade. It started when I delivered him a daily, nay, hourly itinerary for our honeymoon. Which he promptly shredded.
Ha! Scheduling a honeymoon. That made me laugh. So did the shredding…
My sign is “Squeeze Left”.
I’m laughing.
I’m a sheep, but secretly I think I’m a horse. I didn’t know your hubby is a Scorpio. We are even more bonded. And now I know why you get me. I am what you know.
Love that you had your monkeys and I had mine. Until he grew up to become Tech Support.
Your twins are doubly resourceful. Vivian has always been good with the scissors. And she clearly understood that William should not handle them. 😉
Happy b’day to hubby. Is it today?
Actually, DH isn’t a Scorpio. I only befriend Scorpions, not marry them. 🙂
I’m glad you re-posted this. Hilarious. I also love (and want to thank you for it) that you have such an amazing sense of humor about your kids, which makes your blog so enjoyable to read, as it’s not one of those yet-another-blog-about-the-best-kids-in-the-world. Your sense of hilarity wins every time!
Thanks for taking the time to write that, Monica. Over-emoting makes me ill, especially when it’s me who’s doing it…
I’m a Gemini. We are wonderful people, just a little mercurial for some to cope with.
I was married to two different Aries – NEVER AGAIN! I have a Scorpio son and we took astrological advice – we bought a play pen to protect ourselves. 😀
I now have a Scorpio daughter (birthday tomorrow) who I think might have been born a couple of days too early – not a Scorpio at all!
Your DD’s on the cusp, is she? Quite literally if tomorrow is her birthday. And…Happy “Birth” Day to you!
Oooops – thanks for the wishes to me, but I’m not the one who gave birth in this case. I received more than a husband when I married, I received four angelic little devils as well! 😆
Heh, I always like a good pick-up line on the weekend. I am a Taurus – stubborn but loyal and down-to-earth. But I don’t think I’m stubborn. Hear me!? I’m NOT stubborn. No. WAY.
You really are very, very funny. I think we’d get along splendidly. But our sides would hurt.
It may be old, but it’s a great piece.
Love Operation Candy assembly line. Love the long jump.
Rebecca
I thought you were talking about my face after line 1.
I think that most people who follow astrology would say that I’m supposed to be the ADHD of the group. As an Aries/Dragon I’m apparently a powder-keg of energy, passion, drive and curiosity. Often one to try new things, I can be easily bored and my (star-sign’s) disdain for criticism and penchant for sulking is also well known…
For better and worse, I’ll always be proud to be who and what I am. 🙂
Love the powder-keg image…
Kaboom!
I wouid never have figured you for a cheater!
Still, you do good work….
Thanks, TH. I may cheat but I always tell people. So I’m immoral with a conscience.