If you have children, you’ve lived a horror story or two. You know that bad things happen at night and that fear (of disease, of cheese curd vomit on your shoulder) drives anxiety. No one exemplifies the horror genre more than Stephen King. Below are 10 of his titles applied to parenting.
- It: What you refer to your child the first three weeks when you can’t remember his name.
- The Green Mile: What your baby’s poo looks like when it shoots up her back.
- The Tommyknockers: The nickname your husband gave to your breasts when they were engorged from nursing.
- The Dead Zone: The hours between 2 and 4 a.m., when sleep-deprived moms can’t remember how many kids they have.
- Insomnia: The sequel to The Dead Zone.
- The Stand: What happens when parents finally follow through with their threats.
- Pet Sematary: Another name for the toilet, if you’ve given in to your child’s demand for goldfish.
- Firestarter: What results when you leave two children alone.
- Needful Things: Sleep, money, quiet time, wine.
- Misery: See #1-9 above.
What other horror films or books can be adapted for parenting?
My favorite here was Firestarter. My twins will definitely get into anything if they think they are alone for even a second. They will literally drop whatever they are doing and head for something bad. They have super-psychic twin powers.
I know that feeling. It’s the twin thing. Safety in numbers. Mob mentality.
Mob Mentality, love it.
The best ideas are so simple in their brilliance. Love this post! I’m also a King fan, so I especially enjoyed the crossover. Great job 😀
Thanks, Mr. Claytion.
Fantastic. I love Stephen King and this completely applies to parenting. COMPLETELY.
As does Desperation: Just giving your baby the binky/blankie/bottle you’re trying to wean it from so everyone is finally happy.
Desperation: yes! I think it pretty much describes every parent at 6 o’clock in the evening. Or morning.
With four kids – A Very Tight Place, and at times Monkey Tales but that was a complilation of short stories. Then again that is very fitting – my kids are a great complilation!
Love the analogy.
All reasons I choose to go child-free.
I get that.
Wait…the poo goes where?
Needful Things: The only thing you need is sleep.
Sleep, yes, lots of it…
Well done!
🙂
Great post! As a parent, and King fan, this one is “totes” awesome!
Rage–what you feel when they won’t listen (again)
The Long Walk–to the changing table
Night Shift–the job every parent works
Children of the Corn–anyone who has kids understands this
Four Past Midnight–as in 4:00 A.M., bevause someone has a bloody nose again
Cujo–your affectionate nickname for your feral little darlings
Thinner–because you don’t have to actually eat yourself
Thank you, Mr. Random. Love your contributions. Something tells me you could go on and on. 😉
Cujo. Indeed.
I aim to please, IM! I aim to please.
Oh, I could–go on and on. But you already did it–do today I wrote about Ninja Duck instead.
😀
“When a Stranger Calls” — when the girlfriend of your 13 year old calls (or texts) repeatedly and you’ve yet to meet the girl.
“The Shining” All work and no play makes children’s rooms no longer FEMA disaster areas.
“Rear Window” — what every parent possesses in the back of their head because it’s just too quiet for something good to be happening.
“Invasion of the Body Snatchers” My children must have been possessed or re-possessed if you tell me they were well behaved and polite while at your house.
“This House Possessed” No electronics or screen time for any person under the age of 18.
Brilliant additions. I think I can wait a while for “When a Stranger Calls.”
What a clever post, awesome!
Thanks, Catherine.
What an unexpected source to tap for parenting advice! Very cool, entertaining post!
Thanks, T.H.!
Being a Science Fiction fan (and Asimov was my favorite) I select these:
The Naked Sun – What happens when you turn you back in the beach changing room.
The Robots of Dawn – What you get when hurrying up kids for the school bus.
The End of Eternity – Graduation day from college.
Earth is Room Enough – “But Daaaaaaad. My room is to smalllll!”
Nine Tomorrows – Excuse you get for not doing homework.
Bill
Fantastic, Bill. The Robots of Dawn had me laughing out loud!
This is sheer brilliance, Leanne! Every choice, perfect. Go, you!
😀
Lol. How about The Children of the Corn. That’s when you get so frustrated that you intentionally lose them in a corn maze. Great post, Leanne!
I love that one, Piper. Note to self: look for corn maze.
I have a very nice corn maze not 8 miles from my house. — Children of the Corn: What you get when you send your kids to the middle of central IL for a few weeks in the late summer! 🙂
Hilarious and spot on! My almost 2-year-old twins have decided to start waking in the night again (at different times from one another, of course). So I think I’m replaying The Dead Zone right now.
I originally read “walking in the night” (my daughter used to sleep walk), but waking is equally bad. Ugh. May the sleep fairies be with you all!
Never thought of Stephen King from a parenting point of view, but it totally works. Love the Green Mile and the Tommyknockers. This post is just what I needed to bring a smile.
Here’s to smiling. Thanks for leaving a comment, Annie.
very clever!
Thanks.
You are so brilliant! It must be such a riot to be a part of your life!
I’m easy to laugh at. 😮
“Graduation Afternoon” – because anyone who has sat through a pre-school or elementary school service knows what I’m talkin’ bout.
“Throttle” – Self explanatory. And I’m not talking about cars.
Such a great idea. You so smart. 😉
I love those. Horror indeed.
If you have more than one? Legion.
Kids older than 14? The Exorcist.
You make parenting sound oh so enjoyable (or at the very least, amusing), it almost negates my fear of children. Almost.
The Exorcist: bwahaha.
And “almost” is an important adverb in your comment. 🙂
I “got” every word of this! 😆
I bet. May Sunday be easier!
Great stuff! I’m a huge King fan and an exhausted parent–I could relate all too well.
I’m sorry… 😉
The Green Mile! Hahahaha!
Don’t forget:
Bag of Bones: What you feel like after chasing your kids around the park for an hour.
Bag of Bones: there are a few other ones for that too, but this is family friendly. 😉
A different take:
Needful Things: What my 2 boys act like when we are in the grocery store for more than 3 minutes . . . “mom, I NEED this!”
Dreamcatcher: What finally happens to you once the kids sleep through the night.
Love those! I’d like to buy the Dreamcatcher series.
Hello, there! This was very funny and quick to the point. Fine writing. I have no kids, so I have nothing clever to add. But the big boobs/Tommyknockers was waaaay hilarious.
Hilarious Post Leanne- thanks for the laugh.