• Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer

Leanne Shirtliffe

Poetry | Humour | Picture Books

  • Poetry
  • Humour
    • Don’t Lick The Minivan
    • Mommyfesto
    • Ironic Mom Blog Archive
      • Search
      • Start Here
      • Finding Humor Everywhere
      • Hilarious Family Moments
      • Un-Ironic Moments
      • Wild Gen X Tales
      • Full Archives
  • Picture Books
    • Sloth to the Rescue
    • I Love Sharks, Too!
    • Saving Thunder the Great
    • No More Beige Food
    • The Change Your Name Store
    • Guides/Activities
  • About
  • Contact
    • General Inquiries

Stephen King on Parenting

If you have children, you’ve lived a horror story or two. You know that bad things happen at night and that fear (of disease, of cheese curd vomit on your shoulder) drives anxiety. No one exemplifies the horror genre more than Stephen King. Below are 10 of his titles applied to parenting.

  1. It: What you refer to your child the first three weeks when you can’t remember his name.
  2. The Green Mile: What your baby’s poo looks like when it shoots up her back.
  3. The Tommyknockers: The nickname your husband gave to your breasts when they were engorged from nursing.
  4. The Dead Zone: The hours between 2 and 4 a.m., when sleep-deprived moms can’t remember how many kids they have.
  5. Insomnia: The sequel to The Dead Zone.
  6. The Stand: What happens when parents finally follow through with their threats.
  7. Pet Sematary: Another name for the toilet, if you’ve given in to your child’s demand for goldfish.
  8. Firestarter: What results when you leave two children alone.
  9. Needful Things: Sleep, money, quiet time, wine.
  10. Misery: See #1-9 above.

What other horror films or books can be adapted for parenting?

Filed Under: Top 5 Fridays (or Wednesdays) Tagged With: books, funny, humor, Ironic Mom, Leanne Shirtliffe, mom, parenting, twins

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. happinessafterheartache says

    November 4, 2011 at 7:50 am

    My favorite here was Firestarter. My twins will definitely get into anything if they think they are alone for even a second. They will literally drop whatever they are doing and head for something bad. They have super-psychic twin powers.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 4, 2011 at 3:25 pm

      I know that feeling. It’s the twin thing. Safety in numbers. Mob mentality.

      Reply
      • happinessafterheartache says

        November 7, 2011 at 7:44 am

        Mob Mentality, love it.

        Reply
  2. educlaytion says

    November 4, 2011 at 7:52 am

    The best ideas are so simple in their brilliance. Love this post! I’m also a King fan, so I especially enjoyed the crossover. Great job 😀

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 4, 2011 at 3:25 pm

      Thanks, Mr. Claytion.

      Reply
  3. The Suniverse (@TheSuniverse) says

    November 4, 2011 at 7:52 am

    Fantastic. I love Stephen King and this completely applies to parenting. COMPLETELY.

    As does Desperation: Just giving your baby the binky/blankie/bottle you’re trying to wean it from so everyone is finally happy.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 4, 2011 at 3:26 pm

      Desperation: yes! I think it pretty much describes every parent at 6 o’clock in the evening. Or morning.

      Reply
  4. Monique says

    November 4, 2011 at 7:58 am

    With four kids – A Very Tight Place, and at times Monkey Tales but that was a complilation of short stories. Then again that is very fitting – my kids are a great complilation!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 4, 2011 at 3:27 pm

      Love the analogy.

      Reply
  5. Evelynn Starr says

    November 4, 2011 at 8:00 am

    All reasons I choose to go child-free.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 4, 2011 at 3:27 pm

      I get that.

      Reply
  6. thoughtsappear says

    November 4, 2011 at 8:31 am

    Wait…the poo goes where?

    Needful Things: The only thing you need is sleep.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 4, 2011 at 3:27 pm

      Sleep, yes, lots of it…

      Reply
  7. Mihael (@smplefy646) says

    November 4, 2011 at 8:34 am

    Well done!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 4, 2011 at 3:29 pm

      🙂

      Reply
  8. randomlychad says

    November 4, 2011 at 9:11 am

    Great post! As a parent, and King fan, this one is “totes” awesome!

    Rage–what you feel when they won’t listen (again)

    The Long Walk–to the changing table

    Night Shift–the job every parent works

    Children of the Corn–anyone who has kids understands this

    Four Past Midnight–as in 4:00 A.M., bevause someone has a bloody nose again

    Cujo–your affectionate nickname for your feral little darlings

    Thinner–because you don’t have to actually eat yourself

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 4, 2011 at 3:30 pm

      Thank you, Mr. Random. Love your contributions. Something tells me you could go on and on. 😉

      Cujo. Indeed.

      Reply
      • randomlychad says

        November 4, 2011 at 3:39 pm

        I aim to please, IM! I aim to please.

        Oh, I could–go on and on. But you already did it–do today I wrote about Ninja Duck instead.

        😀

        Reply
  9. Paige Roper Norman says

    November 4, 2011 at 10:07 am

    “When a Stranger Calls” — when the girlfriend of your 13 year old calls (or texts) repeatedly and you’ve yet to meet the girl.

    “The Shining” All work and no play makes children’s rooms no longer FEMA disaster areas.

    “Rear Window” — what every parent possesses in the back of their head because it’s just too quiet for something good to be happening.

    “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” My children must have been possessed or re-possessed if you tell me they were well behaved and polite while at your house.

    “This House Possessed” No electronics or screen time for any person under the age of 18.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 4, 2011 at 4:04 pm

      Brilliant additions. I think I can wait a while for “When a Stranger Calls.”

      Reply
  10. Catherine Johnson says

    November 4, 2011 at 10:10 am

    What a clever post, awesome!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 4, 2011 at 4:04 pm

      Thanks, Catherine.

      Reply
  11. The Hook says

    November 4, 2011 at 10:47 am

    What an unexpected source to tap for parenting advice! Very cool, entertaining post!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 4, 2011 at 4:04 pm

      Thanks, T.H.!

      Reply
  12. deyank says

    November 4, 2011 at 11:12 am

    Being a Science Fiction fan (and Asimov was my favorite) I select these:

    The Naked Sun – What happens when you turn you back in the beach changing room.

    The Robots of Dawn – What you get when hurrying up kids for the school bus.

    The End of Eternity – Graduation day from college.

    Earth is Room Enough – “But Daaaaaaad. My room is to smalllll!”

    Nine Tomorrows – Excuse you get for not doing homework.

    Bill

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 4, 2011 at 4:04 pm

      Fantastic, Bill. The Robots of Dawn had me laughing out loud!

      Reply
  13. Liz McLennan says

    November 4, 2011 at 11:17 am

    This is sheer brilliance, Leanne! Every choice, perfect. Go, you!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 4, 2011 at 4:05 pm

      😀

      Reply
  14. Piper Bayard says

    November 4, 2011 at 11:22 am

    Lol. How about The Children of the Corn. That’s when you get so frustrated that you intentionally lose them in a corn maze. Great post, Leanne!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 4, 2011 at 4:05 pm

      I love that one, Piper. Note to self: look for corn maze.

      Reply
      • Beth-Ann Mason says

        November 4, 2011 at 4:58 pm

        I have a very nice corn maze not 8 miles from my house. — Children of the Corn: What you get when you send your kids to the middle of central IL for a few weeks in the late summer! 🙂

        Reply
  15. Erin Brambilla says

    November 4, 2011 at 11:28 am

    Hilarious and spot on! My almost 2-year-old twins have decided to start waking in the night again (at different times from one another, of course). So I think I’m replaying The Dead Zone right now.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 4, 2011 at 4:06 pm

      I originally read “walking in the night” (my daughter used to sleep walk), but waking is equally bad. Ugh. May the sleep fairies be with you all!

      Reply
  16. Annie says

    November 4, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    Never thought of Stephen King from a parenting point of view, but it totally works. Love the Green Mile and the Tommyknockers. This post is just what I needed to bring a smile.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 4, 2011 at 4:06 pm

      Here’s to smiling. Thanks for leaving a comment, Annie.

      Reply
  17. Marianne says

    November 4, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    very clever!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 4, 2011 at 4:06 pm

      Thanks.

      Reply
  18. kd sullivan says

    November 4, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    You are so brilliant! It must be such a riot to be a part of your life!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 4, 2011 at 4:07 pm

      I’m easy to laugh at. 😮

      Reply
  19. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson says

    November 4, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    “Graduation Afternoon” – because anyone who has sat through a pre-school or elementary school service knows what I’m talkin’ bout.
    “Throttle” – Self explanatory. And I’m not talking about cars.

    Such a great idea. You so smart. 😉

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 5, 2011 at 4:29 pm

      I love those. Horror indeed.

      Reply
  20. chibichunsa says

    November 5, 2011 at 12:34 am

    If you have more than one? Legion.
    Kids older than 14? The Exorcist.
    You make parenting sound oh so enjoyable (or at the very least, amusing), it almost negates my fear of children. Almost.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 5, 2011 at 4:29 pm

      The Exorcist: bwahaha.
      And “almost” is an important adverb in your comment. 🙂

      Reply
  21. Team Oyeniyi says

    November 6, 2011 at 1:03 am

    I “got” every word of this! 😆

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 6, 2011 at 10:32 am

      I bet. May Sunday be easier!

      Reply
  22. She's a Maineiac says

    November 6, 2011 at 6:07 am

    Great stuff! I’m a huge King fan and an exhausted parent–I could relate all too well.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 6, 2011 at 10:32 am

      I’m sorry… 😉

      Reply
  23. EllieAnn says

    November 6, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    The Green Mile! Hahahaha!
    Don’t forget:
    Bag of Bones: What you feel like after chasing your kids around the park for an hour.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 7, 2011 at 6:36 pm

      Bag of Bones: there are a few other ones for that too, but this is family friendly. 😉

      Reply
  24. mistyslaws says

    November 7, 2011 at 10:37 am

    A different take:

    Needful Things: What my 2 boys act like when we are in the grocery store for more than 3 minutes . . . “mom, I NEED this!”

    Dreamcatcher: What finally happens to you once the kids sleep through the night.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      November 7, 2011 at 6:37 pm

      Love those! I’d like to buy the Dreamcatcher series.

      Reply
  25. Spectra says

    November 7, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    Hello, there! This was very funny and quick to the point. Fine writing. I have no kids, so I have nothing clever to add. But the big boobs/Tommyknockers was waaaay hilarious.

    Reply
  26. Emily Cannell says

    November 13, 2011 at 10:50 pm

    Hilarious Post Leanne- thanks for the laugh.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Footer

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

© 2005–2023 · Leanne Shirtliffe / Ironic Mom ·