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How To Be the Teacher’s Pet

It’s holiday Monday. There’s nothing teachers like better than a holiday Monday, except eight of them in a row, which is also known as summer.

Today–a delicious holiday Monday–I’m pleased to bring you a guest post from the hilarious Tyler Tarver. Tyler is a teacher and a dad and an author, not necessarily in that order (but he’s good at order because he teaches math). He’s also a great writer which you’ll figure out if you buy his book, Words & Sentences. (Note: this is not false advertising. The book does indeed contain words and sentences).

Now, means right now, which is when you’re going to nonverbally hear the most important thing you’ll read while you’re reading this. Confused? Go drink some milk and run a mile, cause this is happening like a M. Night Shyamalan movie.

Shirtliffe and I are both teachers, and while we both probably act like we’re super fair and cool with all students, we honestly have favorites. It’s true, we like some of your kids, and some of them get on our freaking nerves like a spinal tap.

Here are some quick ways to get to the top of our in-class delivery trips and here’s a few points to bump up your grade lists.

Give us Apples: This old teacher action is not only true, but it’s not false. We’ll accept all kinds of apples. iPads, iPods, iMacs, iAnything…we’ll take it like a nice pen the waiter gives us to sign our receipt.

Don’t Correct Us: We became teachers because we like being smarter than everyone else in the room. If we wanted to feel stupid we’d get a barb-wire tattoo and watch reality Tv. When we say we’ll resume something on Monday, but we’re off on Monday, you know what we mean. Don’t make me call your parents and tell them you’re the kid who farts in class.

Be Funny: It’s just math, I don’t need you going all stone cold Steven Seagal-face on me about some stupid equation. Be chill like an 1983’s movie with Jeff Goldblum. Seriously, be not serious.

Participate: If we wanted everything we said to be rhetorical, we’d be principals.

Ultimate Teacher’s Pet: Be a cat or dog that we own.

In the comments, what caused the fall of the Roman Empire who was your favorite teacher and why?

Tyler Tarver teaches math in Arkansas but not meth. You can check out his website tylertarver.com, subscribe to it here, check him on Twitter @tylertarver, or just buy his brand new toilet book which he won’t shut up about titled Words&Sentences. He also might be in love with you so much it’s freakin stupid.

Filed Under: Guest Post Tagged With: dad, funny, Ironic Mom, Leanne Shirtliffe, mom, parenting, teacher's pet, teaching, Tyler Tarver, when math teachers write, Words & Sentences

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. hopefulleigh says

    September 5, 2011 at 8:44 am

    I had quite a few favorite teachers but Mr. Harris, my HS sophomore English teacher, stands out the most. First, he had a gigantic drawing of an eye in the back of the room. Second, even if I didn’t like everything we read that year, he helped me understand why we needed to read it. Third, he incorporated music, movies, costumes, and more into his lessons. Fourth, lots of creative writing assignments = heaven for me. Fifth, when I asked if I could do an internship of sorts with him my senior year, he said yes. I developed lesson plans and actually got to teach sophomores! What was even cooler is that he adopted some of my lessons- that meant so much to me. Sixth, he kept in touch with me when I went off to college and didn’t get mad when I changed my major from secondary ed to sociology.

    Sadly, Mr. Harris died of a fluke illness the summer before sophomore year of college. He was an amazing man and teacher. And I still miss him.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 6, 2011 at 8:57 pm

      Wow. He sounds absolutely inspiring. I love the giant eye. Quite the metaphor for an English classroom.

      Thanks for sharing, Leigh.

      Reply
  2. momof8crazymonkeys says

    September 5, 2011 at 8:51 am

    I really con’t remember any favourite teachers – sad isn’t it? I can rememeber a few favs that my children have had – favs of mine not necessarily theirs. I will be sure to let me kiddies in on a few of your secrets to being the teachers pet, and ensure that they do no correcting lol. Love the post by the way made me laugh this morning – thanks!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 6, 2011 at 9:49 pm

      Tyler pretty much always guarantees a laugh.

      It’s interesting that parents sometimes have different favourite teachers than their children. I get that.

      Reply
  3. Liz McLennan says

    September 5, 2011 at 8:57 am

    I was lucky to have some pretty awesome teachers along the way, including my own mum for 5th grade. But looking back, I’d say that my 6th grade teacher was the best of ’em all, even though I hated him. My mum fell ill that year and spent 8 months in the hospital, which was very hard.

    Me, I just sort of shut down and stopped participating at school. Read my own books behind my math text, gave some ‘tude, acted petulant and spoiled. Mr. A never let me get away with any of it and while I loathed him at the time, I loved him for it later.

    So, he’s my older self’s favourite and the very best of what a teacher can be: kind, compassionate, determined, unswerving.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 6, 2011 at 9:50 pm

      Nicely told, Liz. It’s amazing how the teachers we liked as our older selves are often the ones who expected the best from us.

      Reply
  4. Renee Schuls-Jacobson says

    September 5, 2011 at 9:18 am

    Hey Tarver! You are stepping on my Wednesday #twits shizzle!

    That said, I will tell you about a math teacher I hated. He was awful. He was 4 feet tall and looked like a leprauchaun. He expected us to understand Calculus in .2 seconds and then he just wanted to talk about his next gig at the local bar. If we were lucky, the cute girl could get him to bring out his guitar and play for a while. Over 80% of his students cheated on his exams. No redeeming qualities.

    PS: Meanwhile, he wasn’t so hot on the guitar either. But he did respond to praise, so I did a lot of that. I have no idea how I passed that class with a C.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 6, 2011 at 9:52 pm

      No one can step on your shizzle, Renee, not even Tarver.

      Regarding your story about your Calculus teacher: wow. Indifference is a problem in every career, but in teaching it’s inexcusable.

      Unless it’s the Friday before holidays…

      Reply
  5. Zechariah Brewer says

    September 5, 2011 at 10:22 am

    Labor day caused the fall of the Roman Empire. Hey, I’m not complaining, that just means we conquered it like we conquer everything else. MURRICA!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 6, 2011 at 9:52 pm

      Is Labor Day the same as Labour Day? Just wondering. 😉

      Reply
  6. Bill says

    September 5, 2011 at 10:23 am

    I had a favorite teacher in the ninth grade. He was a science teacher that strayed out into many left fields along the way. His classes are what started me on my career path of electronics/Amateur radio/computers/IT and the like which have sustained me and my family for 50 years (in 2014).

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 6, 2011 at 9:53 pm

      Teachers with passions! Gotta love ’em. Thanks for commenting, Bill.

      Reply
  7. melsar93 says

    September 5, 2011 at 10:40 am

    Hands down my favorite teacher was my 8th grade Algebra teacher, Mr. Sonnajera. (We never knew how to spell his name so I have no idea if that is correct.) He taught a small class of geeklings the finer points of Mathematics, programming an Apple IIE using Basic, and how to strive for your dreams. Possibly one of the coolest things he ever did was apply to be the teacher on the space shuttle. He didn’t make it and they told him initially he was too short for the emergency space suits, but he persisted and would tell us about his correspondence with NASA as it happened.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 6, 2011 at 9:54 pm

      How cool is that? To see a teacher pursue his own dreams? And he taught you programming? I can barely program my DVR (though my son and daughter can).

      Reply
  8. educlaytion says

    September 5, 2011 at 11:11 am

    “Get a barb wire tattoo and watch reality TV.” Love that. Also good one about principles, but I won’t tell yours. Lucky you appeared in Canada today, so no one in Arkansas will hear you. On top of your game Tyler. Funny stuff and some great lines. I would love students to give me more Apples. Or any really.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 6, 2011 at 9:54 pm

      Yes, iApples.

      Reply
  9. EllieAnn says

    September 5, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    Seriously?! Just because I corrected you about the “there were actually 9 mondays this summer,” did not mean that you had to call my parents and tell them I farted in class … which … I didn’t, it was totally *cough* the skinny girl beside me.
    But here’s a pretend iMac to make up for it: *hands you gift wrapped iMac*

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 6, 2011 at 9:54 pm

      Laughing.

      Reply
  10. Susan says

    September 5, 2011 at 3:03 pm

    Mr. Kimball, high school chemistry. He was tough, fair, and sarcastic. He did not suffer fools. He scared everyone shitless with his tests. But you earned his respect if you studied hard and did well. Man, he was cool. All my essential Bunsen-burner-related life skills came from his teachings.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 6, 2011 at 9:55 pm

      I can no longer think of high school chem teachers without thinking of the series Breaking Bad…

      Reply
  11. The Good Greatsby says

    September 6, 2011 at 12:41 am

    All my favorite teachers were invariably those who obviously liked me best. They were few and far between but people who like me always seem to make an impression.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 6, 2011 at 9:56 pm

      Always funny, even in the comments, TGG.

      Reply
  12. robshep says

    September 6, 2011 at 5:42 am

    Favorite teacher = Mr. Boldin. He made history come alive. He was funny and used movie clips. I love movie clips in class. You should show movies with math in them. Like A Beautiful Mind or Rain Man.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 6, 2011 at 9:57 pm

      That’s the best thing about teaching English…there’s a movie for everything. I’m pretty sure Tarver just makes movies up as he needs them.

      Reply
  13. thoughtsappear says

    September 6, 2011 at 6:31 am

    My favorite teacher ever was my 5th grade history and math teacher. For history, we went outside an re-enacted the Civil War. And he found an old 1-room schoolhouse, so one year we dressed up and had class there.

    For math, he had these special comfy chairs. When you did something really good, like got the highest grade or showed the most improvement, you got to sit in the chairs that were cushy or spun around.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 6, 2011 at 9:57 pm

      Comfy chairs as a reward? I’m stealing that one!

      Reply
  14. Kristen Fairgrieve says

    September 6, 2011 at 10:50 am

    my favorite teacher used to be my 3rd grade English teacher, Miss Hill. i wrote short stories that i only showed her, and she liked them. like really liked them, not just pretend liked them. she always encouraged me to write.

    but i think now my favorite teacher might just be tyler. second only to leanne. of course.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 6, 2011 at 9:58 pm

      LOL.

      I love that Miss Hill “really” liked your stories. Kids are way more perceptive than we teachers ever give them credit for.

      Reply
  15. Ado says

    September 6, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    Oh this was so funny – I loved it just looking at the profile photo which in itself was energetic and funny. Love the admission that teachers do in fact have pets. Of course they do.
    The ironic thing is I was reading it because I’m such a teacher’s pet suck-up I wanted to know more about how I might ingratiate myself further with my kids teachers. Ha!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 6, 2011 at 9:59 pm

      How to ingratiate yourself with kid’s teacher: find out her favourite drink from Starbucks and bring it to her. Seriously.

      Reply
  16. CanadianMama says

    September 7, 2011 at 9:57 am

    My grade four teacher for sure. He was so much fun when he taught us and I learned so much from him through activities and humor!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 9, 2011 at 11:08 pm

      Humor in the classroom is the best.

      Reply
  17. JM Randolph says

    September 7, 2011 at 10:29 am

    “If we wanted everything we say to be rhetorical, we’d be principals.” I love that. I totally understand how you have favorites. I have favorites out of the ones that just live in my house. One of my favorite teachers was my 10th grade Stagecraft teacher, Mr. Lord. He was hilarious and smart and caring, and he’s the reason I’m a stagehand today.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      September 9, 2011 at 11:09 pm

      I have a colleague I worked with more than 10 years ago who called principals “classroom refugees.”

      How can you not love Mr. Lord? How fab he inspired what you do.

      Happy weekend, if you get one!

      Reply

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