The Ironic Restaurant reopened last week, with Vivian once again serving as the waitress, chef, and owner. She made her way around the room, taking our orders with an accent that could have been charged roaming fees.
“What vould you like to drink?” she asked her dad.
He looked up from his crossword. “What do you have?” he said.
“Vhatever you like,” she said. “And it’s all free.”
“I’ll have 100 Cokes,” her dad said.
“Okay,” Vivian said, and jotted this order on her notebook like it was as normal as heartburn at Denny’s.
Her dad returned to the puzzle page.
“Any-zhing else?” Vivian asked.
My husband paused and said, “I’ll have a glass of 7UP with a chicken leg in it.”
“Okay,” Vivian said before scrawling down the rest of the order.
She walked over to me. “And vhat vould you like, Madame?”
“I’ll have the spaghetti,” I said, opting to play this one straight.
“That’s not free,” Vivian said.
“But you said it’s all free.”
“It is all free,” she said. “But not the spaghetti.”
I chewed on this logic for a second. “How much is the spaghetti?”
“Two dollars.”
“Oh…okay,” I said. “Then I guess I’ll have the $2 spaghetti.”
“You have to pay first.”
“I what?”
“You have to pay first,” she repeated. “I’ll go get your money.” I watched her go into the change jar and pull out a Toonie.
“Well,” I said to my husband as he was cursing Will Shortz, “I guess I should’ve had the 7-Up with the chicken leg.”
*
Any bizarre food combinations you’ve experienced lately?
A friend of mine always talks about dunking corn bread in milk. That sounds crazy to me.
Yes, that combo of corn and milk doesn’t really do it for me either.
Great post. Now I’ve got a hankering for a 7-Up and some chicken (on the side).
What about the giant stir stick option?
I haven’t tried this, but I’ve been really considering a chocolate covered green olive. I think it might be the perfect blend of sweet and salty. No…I’m not pregnant!
Do they have those? Because I adore olives. Chocolate too.
I was grocery shopping tonight and noticed olives stuffed with garlic. How I resisted the purchase, I’m just not sure. But I’d also be willing to try chocolate covered olives. Maybe we can do that right after our dance off, Leanne?
That sounds great, Larry. Is beer in the picture too? 😉
Salsa on my supreme pizza.
Vhat? It was very gute.
In Thailand, all pizza (even Pizza Hut pizza) comes with little packets of Heinz ketchup for smothering on your slice. It’s actually not bad…
The meat on a chicken leg falls right off when served in 7-up.
I love how “normal” costs you, but bizarre is free. 🙂 Vivian knows how to keep it interesting and make a buck or two!
Yes, she can play her mother, that’s for sure.
You have to love the way a kid’s mind works… My son occasionally makes me an omelet with everything but the kitchen sink thrown in… As long as I don’t break a tooth on an errant utensil, I’m fine with it…
Wow. I lost the plot after you wrote “My son occasionally makes me an omelet.” I must get on that plan!
I think that’s a good way to live. Normal costs, but bizarre is free.
🙂
That could actually be my parenting motto…
I think two dollars is a good price for spaghetti. I’m sure Will would be interested in chef’s assistant if he got to put the chicken leg in 7UP.
Good point. Chicken legs ratchet up the interest, that’s for sure.
Your hubby sounds like a fun guy with a weird sense of humor. Might not want him to cook for you, though.
Yup, you got it!
I guess you learned your lesson. Don’t ever play it straight with your kids.
Ha Ha. That is the moral, isn’t it!
Poor deluded thing. 100 cokes would have cost YOU two dollars. You are a living breathing bankroll. Please order at my restaurant any time. ;} I eat Brie on rice crackers. People always consider this strange but I like the crunchy/creamy combination.
You could melt brie on cardboard, and it’d still be great. I’m on my way!
Two funny parents!
Yes. Funny to laugh at…
Is Toonie real Canadian currency? What a cool name.
Yes, that’s what we call our $2 coin. Our $1 coin is a Loonie (not because we’re psychotic but because there’s a picture of a bird on it)
Or possibly because you’re psychotic AND because there’s a bird on it. 😉 Symbolism is important, after all.
Not to my knowledge but maybe I make one.
I think I likely make a few too.
Chase stole my thunder! I read the whole thread thinking, “Do all these people know what a Toonie is?” I’m right over the border, and I did not know that is what ya’ll call your coins. I actually had to use (gasp) Wikipedia. Methinks Vivian taught me zee lesson of zee day. 😉
Is “Chase stole my thunder” an IYKWIM comment? How I love metaphors. 😉
So, did you tip her? Or did she just take your money and never show up with the spaghetti?
I’m loving the 7-Up with a chicken leg, but I gotta go with my all-time favorite, the peanut butter & bacon sandwich.
Well, I let her have the Toonie since I pocketed the $2 the tooth fairy left her a couple of weeks ago.
Peanut butter and bacon. I am adding that to my list of things to try while still calling you strange for thinking of it.
I love garlic stuffed olives!!! Yum! I wonder what kind of chocolate would stick to a slimy olive? Maybe it could be like a fondue?
Fondue olives. I think we should try it!
Maybe we should have a blogged virtual fondue party! I’ll see if I can drum up some interest.
I thoroughly enjoy a peanut butter and onion sandwich!
Hmm. Sounds…interesting? 😉 I used to eat cheddar and raw onions together, until I figured out I’m allergic to raw onions. Ya, not good.
Talk about half-priced apps!! A toonie for pasta? In, I’m in!!
Around here, it’s PB and pickles on rye. I think I may have started this trend, but DS2 is taking over w/ the PB love. I always feel sorry for parents and kids who have to deal w/allergies and such. I’d be lost w/o “go to” stuff.
Mmm….7Up…..
Someone needs to do a post about ways to eat PB…
I haven’t watched Big Brother in years, since it became mostly about how long it would take for someone to have sex on camera, but back in the early seasons I never understood the people who treated having to eat nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as terrible gagging torture. I could so totally win that particular bidding war.
I like the cornbread crumbled up in milk sometimes. It’s a good Southern US food. 🙂
Meanwhile, this exchange is absolutely hilarious. I’d say the chicken leg dipped in 7-Up is probably okay, but I wouldn’t drink the 7-Up afterwards.
I love that distinction. It’s simple and brilliant, really.
Argh! I’m you (the regrettable orderer) every time I go out to eat with my wife. I’ll order the large sounding “traditional turkey dinner with all the trimmings,” which turns out to be a fancy plate with a stingy puddle of some sauce thingey over a petit four-sized morsel. Conversely, she’ll order off the children’s menu and get a platter-bending sea bass. Every time – unbelievable…oh yeah, great post!!!!
One of my favorite memories is the kids creating a restaurant and handing me an elaborate menu with ten food choices, but they were out of every single item on the list.