The Ironic Restaurant reopened last week, with Vivian once again serving as the waitress, chef, and owner. She made her way around the room, taking our orders with an accent that could have been charged roaming fees.
“What vould you like to drink?” she asked her dad.
He looked up from his crossword. “What do you have?” he said.
“Vhatever you like,” she said. “And it’s all free.”
“I’ll have 100 Cokes,” her dad said.
“Okay,” Vivian said, and jotted this order on her notebook like it was as normal as heartburn at Denny’s.
Her dad returned to the puzzle page.
“Any-zhing else?” Vivian asked.
My husband paused and said, “I’ll have a glass of 7UP with a chicken leg in it.”
“Okay,” Vivian said before scrawling down the rest of the order.
She walked over to me. “And vhat vould you like, Madame?”
“I’ll have the spaghetti,” I said, opting to play this one straight.
“That’s not free,” Vivian said.
“But you said it’s all free.”
“It is all free,” she said. “But not the spaghetti.”
I chewed on this logic for a second. “How much is the spaghetti?”
“Oh…okay,” I said. “Then I guess I’ll have the $2 spaghetti.”
“You have to pay first.”
“You have to pay first,” she repeated. “I’ll go get your money.” I watched her go into the change jar and pull out a Toonie.
“Well,” I said to my husband as he was cursing Will Shortz, “I guess I should’ve had the 7-Up with the chicken leg.”
Any bizarre food combinations you’ve experienced lately?