Welcome to the fourth installment in the series of the Worst Toys of 2012.
If you missed the first three, check out the Laugh & Learn Apptivity Monkey, the Razor E100 Electric Scooter, and Ari Roma, the Novi Star prostitute doll.
Today, I am giving out the What-Is-It Award. This honor goes to a toy that is difficult to identify, something that gives you the same level of befuddlement as trying to determine what kind of animal Austin (from The Backyardigans) is.
The winner of this year’s What-Is-It Award goes to the toy that the box describes as the “Barbie Gem.” (See? It doesn’t even have a real name.)
Five reasons why the Barbie Gem thingie is on my list of the Worst Toys of 2012:
1. Classification. What the heck is this toy? More specifically, what the heck is the pink wand thing? And how are you supposed to play with it?
2. Longevity. Just how long will a kid be able to use stick-on gems? I say five minutes. After that, those sticky-back things will be stuck to my socks.
3. Uselessness. The silver brush might work great on Barbie’s hair, but what happens when your child plays hair stylist and cuts off all of Barbie’s long locks? Bald Barbie doesn’t need a brush.
4. The Instructions. The directions and warnings are issued in fifteen different languages. Yes, I counted. Even Svenska, Suomi and Castellano are represented. I don’t think this is meant to be a geography lesson.
5. The Price. The manufacturer’s suggested retail price is $14.99. I could buy a deliciously mediocre bottle of wine for that amount of money, thank you very much.
~
What do you think this toy is?
Did you (or your sisters) play with Barbie when you were young? Were there “accessories” involved?
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Actually, you could buy a pretty good bottle of wine for that amount of money, too.
Only if I could share it.
Ok, so no toy for your daughter, but a bottle of wine for you? Merry Christmas!
bottle of wine
classification: mommy’s medicine
longevity : From vine to glass?
usefullnesee: obvious
instructions: printed on bottom of bottle!
price: Including therapy……..
Clever. The biologist provides a taxonomy of sorts (I originally wrote taxidermy).
Its printed in 75 languages, but not 1 explains it. I think you use it to assault Barbie and your friends with stickers. Lovely.
That sounds like a way to jazz up the toy.
My sisters (four of ’em) and I didn’t play with Barbies. Why? We had none. Mom thought they were sinful. Nana used to turn off the television if she was babysitting when Lawrence Welk came on. “Look at those women! Dancing! And, showing their legs!” Pennsylvania Dutch heritage doth not a free-thinking and nonsense-filled home make.
I can only imagine where Vivian might stick one of those sparkling do-dads on William should she find him napping.
I did all my practice hairstyling on my sisters. Including rolling sister Sandy’s hair in pink sponge rollers and then whacking one of them off for her haircut. Her make-it-better pixie cut suited her. And, I survived to prank-it-up another day.
I can only imagine all that you got up to as a sister, Gloria. Great little vignette about your Nana and Mr. Welk.
I see those things sticking to hair, socks, furniture and the car keys your 6 month old hid in his mouth. Yes the money spent could much better be used on a toy from Napa Valley!
Clever callback!
I tried to cut Barbie’s hair once, but as I’ve always been moderate I’ve just clippet it a bit, just the split ends, you know. Moments after I could feel the guilt.
About that gem thingie… no clue. No mentionable clues, I mean.
Ha. Indeed.
This looks like quite the typical barbie toy to me, save for the “what-is-this” thing. No barbies for my girl as far as I can help it.
We had a Barbie-free house for a bit. Then people gifted Vivian Barbies. One year later she said she wanted to sell them. Happy mom.
Good girl! I had barbie gifts as a kid as well – never knew what to do with them.
I loved, loved, LOVED Barbies. I was thrilled to have a daughter, picturing us playing barbies together. Nope. She has zero interest in such things. She only looks at barbie dolls when she can stick them under her microscope.
I miss Barbie.
I love your daughter. I was a tomboy. Still am, actually.
Oh, you asked questions! I have answers. IMO, the pink thingy is “My First Vibrator”. The gems are to bedazzle “My First Stripper Costume”, not included.
Exactly! I’m sure the toy creator believes it is a hair straightener (or whatever), but we all know what the pink stick really is… I guess it’s never too early for sex ed, as children grow up so fast… 🙂
You ladies are cracking me up. 🙂
My favorite one so far! *Sigh* I totally had a bald Barbie. Ah, the memories….
Dreams of being a hair stylist, M?
Umm… sure, let’s just call it that. 😉
That is a hideous toy… I’m gonna try to do my best to avoid the toy section at Target for the holidays. The sequins… the pink… the tulle… i just can’t take it anymore!
It’s best just to head to the boxes of chocolate. It worked for Forrest Gump.
When I had Barbie the only thing you had to worry about was having matching shoes for her outfits..or lack thereof.
Good point. Now she has her own movies.
You could grab a handful of rocks from your garden, throw ’em in a box, slap a Barbie label on the sucker and you’d sell a million units before anyone complained! Seriously.