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The Worst Toys of 2012: The What-Is-It Award

Welcome to the fourth installment in the series of the Worst Toys of 2012.

If you missed the first three, check out the Laugh & Learn Apptivity Monkey, the Razor E100 Electric Scooter, and Ari Roma, the Novi Star prostitute doll.

Today, I am giving out the What-Is-It Award. This honor goes to a toy that is difficult to identify, something that gives you the same level of befuddlement as trying to determine what kind of animal Austin (from The Backyardigans) is.

The winner of this year’s What-Is-It Award goes to the toy that the box describes as the “Barbie Gem.” (See? It doesn’t even have a real name.)

Five reasons why the Barbie Gem thingie is on my list of the Worst Toys of 2012:

1. Classification. What the heck is this toy? More specifically, what the heck is the pink wand thing? And how are you supposed to play with it?

2. Longevity. Just how long will a kid be able to use stick-on gems? I say five minutes. After that, those sticky-back things will be stuck to my socks.

3. Uselessness. The silver brush might work great on Barbie’s hair, but what happens when your child plays hair stylist and cuts off all of Barbie’s long locks? Bald Barbie doesn’t need a brush.

4. The Instructions. The directions and warnings are issued in fifteen different languages. Yes, I counted. Even Svenska, Suomi and Castellano are represented. I don’t think this is meant to be a geography lesson.

5. The Price. The manufacturer’s suggested retail price is $14.99. I could buy a deliciously mediocre bottle of wine for that amount of money, thank you very much.

~

What do you think this toy is?
Did you (or your sisters) play with Barbie when you were young? Were there “accessories” involved?

Similar Posts:

  • A Twisted Guide to the Worst Toys of 2011
  • Top 5 “Best of 2010” Toys That Really Suck

Filed Under: Worst Toy List Tagged With: Barbie, Christmas, funny mom, funny mom blog, toy review, Toys, Worst toys

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Evelynn Starr says

    November 22, 2012 at 5:27 am

    Actually, you could buy a pretty good bottle of wine for that amount of money, too.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:38 pm

      Only if I could share it.

      Reply
  2. John Rose says

    November 22, 2012 at 5:33 am

    Ok, so no toy for your daughter, but a bottle of wine for you? Merry Christmas!

    Reply
  3. John Rose says

    November 22, 2012 at 5:36 am

    bottle of wine
    classification: mommy’s medicine
    longevity : From vine to glass?
    usefullnesee: obvious
    instructions: printed on bottom of bottle!
    price: Including therapy……..

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:39 pm

      Clever. The biologist provides a taxonomy of sorts (I originally wrote taxidermy).

      Reply
  4. prttynpnk says

    November 22, 2012 at 5:57 am

    Its printed in 75 languages, but not 1 explains it. I think you use it to assault Barbie and your friends with stickers. Lovely.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:40 pm

      That sounds like a way to jazz up the toy.

      Reply
  5. Gloria Richard Author says

    November 22, 2012 at 6:25 am

    My sisters (four of ’em) and I didn’t play with Barbies. Why? We had none. Mom thought they were sinful. Nana used to turn off the television if she was babysitting when Lawrence Welk came on. “Look at those women! Dancing! And, showing their legs!” Pennsylvania Dutch heritage doth not a free-thinking and nonsense-filled home make.

    I can only imagine where Vivian might stick one of those sparkling do-dads on William should she find him napping.

    I did all my practice hairstyling on my sisters. Including rolling sister Sandy’s hair in pink sponge rollers and then whacking one of them off for her haircut. Her make-it-better pixie cut suited her. And, I survived to prank-it-up another day.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:40 pm

      I can only imagine all that you got up to as a sister, Gloria. Great little vignette about your Nana and Mr. Welk.

      Reply
  6. Our Life In 3D says

    November 22, 2012 at 7:23 am

    I see those things sticking to hair, socks, furniture and the car keys your 6 month old hid in his mouth. Yes the money spent could much better be used on a toy from Napa Valley!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:41 pm

      Clever callback!

      Reply
  7. serre says

    November 22, 2012 at 7:25 am

    I tried to cut Barbie’s hair once, but as I’ve always been moderate I’ve just clippet it a bit, just the split ends, you know. Moments after I could feel the guilt.
    About that gem thingie… no clue. No mentionable clues, I mean.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:41 pm

      Ha. Indeed.

      Reply
  8. Elaine says

    November 22, 2012 at 7:46 am

    This looks like quite the typical barbie toy to me, save for the “what-is-this” thing. No barbies for my girl as far as I can help it.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:42 pm

      We had a Barbie-free house for a bit. Then people gifted Vivian Barbies. One year later she said she wanted to sell them. Happy mom.

      Reply
      • Elaine says

        November 23, 2012 at 12:42 am

        Good girl! I had barbie gifts as a kid as well – never knew what to do with them.

        Reply
  9. Tammy says

    November 22, 2012 at 9:36 am

    I loved, loved, LOVED Barbies. I was thrilled to have a daughter, picturing us playing barbies together. Nope. She has zero interest in such things. She only looks at barbie dolls when she can stick them under her microscope.
    I miss Barbie.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:42 pm

      I love your daughter. I was a tomboy. Still am, actually.

      Reply
  10. Tammy says

    November 22, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Oh, you asked questions! I have answers. IMO, the pink thingy is “My First Vibrator”. The gems are to bedazzle “My First Stripper Costume”, not included.

    Reply
    • Kasia says

      November 22, 2012 at 3:00 pm

      Exactly! I’m sure the toy creator believes it is a hair straightener (or whatever), but we all know what the pink stick really is… I guess it’s never too early for sex ed, as children grow up so fast… 🙂

      Reply
      • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

        November 22, 2012 at 10:42 pm

        You ladies are cracking me up. 🙂

        Reply
  11. skippingstones says

    November 22, 2012 at 10:41 am

    My favorite one so far! *Sigh* I totally had a bald Barbie. Ah, the memories….

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:43 pm

      Dreams of being a hair stylist, M?

      Reply
      • skippingstones says

        November 22, 2012 at 10:49 pm

        Umm… sure, let’s just call it that. 😉

        Reply
  12. sonjaessen says

    November 22, 2012 at 11:45 am

    That is a hideous toy… I’m gonna try to do my best to avoid the toy section at Target for the holidays. The sequins… the pink… the tulle… i just can’t take it anymore!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:43 pm

      It’s best just to head to the boxes of chocolate. It worked for Forrest Gump.

      Reply
  13. mooremom523 says

    November 22, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    When I had Barbie the only thing you had to worry about was having matching shoes for her outfits..or lack thereof.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 22, 2012 at 10:43 pm

      Good point. Now she has her own movies.

      Reply
  14. The Hook says

    November 26, 2012 at 9:17 am

    You could grab a handful of rocks from your garden, throw ’em in a box, slap a Barbie label on the sucker and you’d sell a million units before anyone complained! Seriously.

    Reply

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