Memory 1: Seeing the Ocean My kids haven’t seen salt water since they lived in Thailand, and that was before they could walk upright. Because we now live in a landlocked province, they’re not exactly sea-savvy. We’ve grown tired of them asking “Is that the ocean?” every time we drive past a slough in a […]
Hilarious Family Moments
5 Unsuccessful Strategies for Getting Kids To Fall Asleep
Let’s face it: this holiday season, many of us will have the task of getting kids-hyped-up-on-chocolate to fall asleep beside us in hotel rooms or in a grandparent’s spare bedroom. This is no easy task; if it were, someone would’ve won the Nobel Peace Prize for Parenting. Saturday night, in a desperate attempt to get […]
Twenty Minutes with Five-Year-Old Twins
7:00 a.m. Although Vivian has been up for one hour, William is sleeping away. I walk into his room, turn on the light, and spy him asleep on the edge of his bed. It’s at this point I see the vomit. It has congealed beside him, one-inch chunks of partially digested banana. I wake him. […]
Happy Herding Cats Day
December 15th is Cat Herders Day. This invent-a-holiday recognizes people who have kids whose lives are so out of control it’s like they’re herding cats. (cc) tanakawho, Creative Commons, used under a ShareAlike License When I first heard of this “holiday”, my brain twisted the word herding into hoarding, a word association that would cause […]
Gingerbread DysFUNction
It seemed like a good idea at the time. You know, in that same category as opening another bottle of wine or giving your phone number to the guy who’d later become your husband. It was a bit of synchronicity really. My husband saw a gingerbread kit at the supermarket. Then my neighbour – who […]
5 Signs It’s Time To Go on a Date
Way-back-when, my husband and I used to go on a date every Thursday. That was when we viewed this parenting thing as a phase, a blip on our couple-o-meter. After hibernating for four weeks following the birth of our twins, we resumed weekly dates. We’d take our newborns to restaurants in our neighbourhood in Bangkok […]
Twin Adventures in H1N1-Land
Since my kids survived their hair cuts gash-free, didn’t drown at their swimming lessons, and suffered only minor rug burns at a gymnastics-themed birthday party, I decided to try harder to inflict pain. So, I took them to get their H1N1 shots. (cc) Mike Licht, used under a Creative Commons ShareAlike License True to my […]
When Your Kids Want a Pet, Lie to Them
My 5-year-old twins desperately want a pet. They’d love a cat, but they know their father is seriously allergic to any fluff ball. So they’ve settled on a dog. I try to avoid this debate about pets, because the odds are pretty even. When my husband’s home, it’s two against two; when he’s out, we […]
Married To a Scorpio Support Day: Astrology & Chocolate for Kids
Today is Married To a Scorpio Support Day. That makes me laugh. Is there a support group for people married to bulls? I mean the astrological sign – not the animal or the basketball team — though I supposed being married to a large mammal would necessitate a support group too. Fluorescent Scorpion, by Schristia […]
Interpreting Your Kids' Report Cards
It’s report card season, that time when teachers churn out more euphemisms than the Department of Defense did when Bush was in power. I should know: I’m a teacher. And, like my colleagues, I can turn the phrase “should stop spitting on his notebook” into “would benefit from controlling his enthusiasm.” Still, as useless as […]