We recently drove 800 miles with our seven-year-old twins. We’re lucky; our kids are good travelers. Throw a DVD on repeat play, and they’ll stare at the screen without noticing our Loser Cruiser came inches from killing Bambi’s mom.
Every now and then, though, Guilty Mother Syndrome (GMS) hits me. I shut off the DVD player and become the mother I think I ought to be, that one who could turn a vacation to Hell into a fun afternoon.
So we’re on our way to my parents’ house. We’ve visited waterslides and relatives along they way, and we’ve slalomed around roadkill. I’m in the passenger seat. GMS sets in.
“Let’s play The Humming Game!” I say.
“What’s that?” William asks. I’m one of those people who invents games (and rules) as necessary. We have yet to try this creation.
“I hum a kids’ song, then you guess it,” I explain. “I’ll start.”
I hum the first verse of Row, Row, Row Your Boat.
Miraculously, William guesses it. Humming in tune is not my forte.
My husband goes next. Before he’s through the third bar, Vivian shouts, “Happy Birthday!”
Yup.
Vivian’s turn. She hums something. At first I think it’s one of the songs from her piano workbook. Then I take a random guess. “Jingle Bells?”
“Nope,” she says proudly.
“Three Blind Mice?” William asks.
“No!” she says, now exasperated.
“Camptown Races?” her dad says.
“No!” she yells, blaming us. “It’s Mary Had a Little Lamb.”
“Oh,” I say. “William, your turn.”
I rub my neck, which is knotting up from the semi-permanent side twist I do when traveling, from looking at the kids in the back seat.
William starts humming. He’s in tune. At least I think he is.
We all sit there, perplexed.
William keeps humming.
And humming.
“Do I know this?” I ask.
His grin interrupts his humming.
“Nope.”
The humming resumes.
“What do you mean I don’t know this?” I ask.
“I made it up.”
“William!” Vivian says. “You can’t do that! It needs to be a real song.”
William hums a few more bars. Then he stops. “It is a real song,” he says, looking down. “It’s called, umm, My Sandal, My Sandal.”
My eyebrows defy gravity. I turn back around, knead my neck with my hand, and say, “Time to watch another DVD.”
*
Any tales of singing out there? Any weirdification in your lives lately?
very funny
Thanks.
My wife likes to tell this tale of her and our two girls on a trip from Colorado to California. The entertainment was simply a few music cassettes – mostly kids songs. Their favorite was The Muppet Monster tape.
Stopping at a red light, the couple in the next car was startled (to say the least) by the three of them “waving their paws” and “showing their fangs”.
Bill, we haven’t met but you have one of the best icons I’ve ever seen. Love the squirrels. Squirrels with American flag even more fun.
From squirrels to muppets. Bill, you are the coolest dad ever!
You often seem to be perplexed by William.
I AM William!
Something tells me you are… 🙂
I often wonder what my childhood would’ve been like with DVDs in the family station wagon. I used to lay in the cavernous back with thousands of baseball cards to keep me busy. By the time I returned from vaca I often could rattle off stats for a few hundred major league players. Kept me quiet anyway, but then again I was kind of a perfect child.
Those big station wagons! Built for kids in the back. Except in roll over situations…
So, were you more of an RBI or an ERA stats kid?
My spot used to be the way back in the station wagon too. Eventually they connected how I always fell asleep to the carbon monoxide leak. Then I got to ride up front (no car seat).
Boy, does that bring back memories. Especially the crick in the neck and the GMS thing!
Yup. Sore neck and guilt, the two hallmarks of mothering young children.
When we used to travel I used to play “travel guide”. I would go to the rest stops and get ALL of the brochures and then pretend we were driving by the things advertised in the brochures. Then I would say things like, “On your left you’ll see the Mahakawakee Nature Preserve.” It used to drive my parents crazy…
That is so funny! I think you need to write a blog about that.
Hey, at least you tried! I’m the one shoving cookies at my kids and then praying they go to sleep. Which is counterproductive when you really think about it. Maybe I should shove sedatives at them instead? Your William sounds like my son. I’m going to keep a close eye on your blog so I know what to do with him :).
Erin, I too do cookies. But mostly I scarf them myself. Sigh. I think we need to take the sedatives ourselves. Well, unless we’re driving. I’m not quite that nuts…
Haha, “My Sandal, My Sandal.” It’ll probably be a family joke for a lifetime. That’s one thing I love about traveling – some of our favorite inside jokes come from the random boredom or crazy experiences.
Good point. I think family jokes come out of dinner conversations and travel stories.
haha, I like that boy : ) I did all my kid traveling before DVD’s were invented.
I know, right?
Crazy, indeed. Though I was one of “those moms” who swore my kids would never watch a DVD in the car.
Right.
oh great, now I’ve got My Sandal, My Sandal in my head…
Laughing.
He knows how to win a game!
I have that GMS when traveling, too. But car-sickness from the semi-permanent side twist always trumps GMS.
Ew. Car sickness. That’s not fun.
The neck pain. Oh, the neck pain. It is, by far, the worst part of traveling with kids. Singing and weirdification are daily occurrences around our house.
I think I’d like your house. Unless you’re singing one of those songs that gets stuck in your head for hours and then makes you want to bash your eardrums in with chopsticks.
I’m pretty sure “Ummm My Sandal My Sandal” is the name of Lady Ga Ga’s new song.
(soon also to be the big hit on Kid’s Bob XX!).
Congratulations.
Ga Ga’s new song = funny. I can almost see the footwear she’d sport for that.
Hilarious as always. And, by the way, I think every man was a William. We women are simply not meant to understand them. One day, we just notice they are cute and become blind to their stupidity — for a while anyway. Then we remember again. 😉
Renee, your comment made me laugh so hard.
I am presently trying to teach myself all the words to “Nessum Dorma” so that I can teach the Reds by our long trip at month’s end. A bit ambitious, but they make up their own words to it at the moment and if people are gonna stare at the warbling coming from our car, I’d rather they stare because we know the words. You know?
That’s ambitious. I mean, a long trip? 😉 And so is teaching them the words to Nessum Dorma.
I am a veteran of countless 550-mile car trips between Southern Ontario and Central Ohio when I was a kid. It’s too bad we didn’t have the “Humming Game”…it might have made the fact that my dad was driving 15 mph slower than the speed limit less annoying (a “fast” trip was 11 hours)…
Glad you survived travel with the twins!
Wendy
Hilarious, Wendy.
When I was a kid, my dad (a farmer) had to stop at every machinery dealer on our trip. Does a tractor in Saskatchewan really look that much different than one in Manitoba?
My husband has a real gift for making up ridiculous songs. They always rhyme. The 8-yr old boy has taken to making songs about everything that happens around him. They don’t rhyme. He thinks he’s invented this and is quite impressed with himself. He follows me: “She’s walkin’ down the stairs, yeah. She’s walkin’ out the door now, yeah.”
I love made up songs. It’s a skill. For wooing, I think. Do people still say “wooing”?
My dad had a song we used to sing together and try to make up more verses.
First verse:
“My mother gave me a nickel to buy a pickle,
I didn’t buy a pickle, I bought some chewing gum.
Chew Chew Chew chewing gum, Chew Chew Chew chewing gum,
I didn’t buy a pickle, I bought some chewing gum.”
We might have made more verses if we’d branched into other currencies.
Reading funny poems out loud (reciting them if they’re easy) can also be a bit of a break. Try “Alligator Pie” and others by Dennis Lee (a Canadian).
(as in “Alligator Pie, Alligator Pie, if I don’t get some I think I’m going to die, Give away the green grass, Give away the sky, but don’t give away my alligator pie!” …)
I’m a volunteer storyteller and have had the chance to listen to a CD by a professional storyteller – David Novak (but there are lots of pros to choose from) and his stories work at appealing to both adults and kids. Might be a change from the DVDs and your local library might stock some.
Fantastic ideas, Jan. I’m going to check out David Novak. My kids know all the words to Alligator Pie (and many of Lee’s poems).
Thanks!
Great title!
Because of an earlier post of yours about road games, my family has started playing I’m going on a picnic at random times. We played it all through dinner last night. My 6yo loves the game.