Sometimes it’s the simple stuff. I’m not talking about foot rubs or walks on the beach or other centerfold “likes” (though I could if you want me to). I’m talking about simple words. Specifically, what comes spewing of my mouth.
The other day, William remarked to his father:
“Dad! We love mommy. We don’t like her.”
I thought this:
But I said this:
Because – difficult though it may be to imagine –sometimes my inner censor is on.
What bizarre things have you heard, thought, or said recently?
When have you not said what you thought?
Do you like walks on the beach?
My daughter was explaining what she had for lunch to her high school home school coop yesterday. She blurted out, “I love extra large Chalupas! They have flat bottoms!”
And now I have Queen’s song in my head. “Flat bottomed girls…”
When my new boss said she had to beg the CIO to get my three year old lap top, my brain said, “What have I done by taking this job?” I work in IT so My mouth said, “Ha, ha. Isn’t that just the case – the cobblers children have no shoes.”
I like pina coladas and walks in the rain.
Laughing. At both paragraphs.
My daughter’s class went on a field trip to replant marsh grass on an eroding dune. I went along as a driver/chaperone.
To commerate our environmental holiness, we would each be given a t-shirt. The woman from the Save the Dune Association (not the real name but I can’t remember the real name) looked right at me and said “We have the t-shirts in extra large.”
My gut response was much like yours but would have ended with me tackling her skinny a**. I took the high, extra large sized road and said nothing, because that’s what we plus-size gals do.
Miss Save-the-Dune could use an a$$ kicking.
I’m too distracted by the dune comment to give my own. You girls are funny!
I know. Karen is funnay!
I nanny 6 children; ages 4 months to 9 years (not all of them full time, I’m not THAT crazy). Two of them are my grandchildren (from older step-daughter). I frequently drag them around town when I’m dropping the kids at school or running errands or dropping off/picking up to/from practice/games. I get one of two comments when I have a new child: “Did you have ANOTHER one?” (I’m 47, yeah, no planned Lifetime Movie moments in my life, thanks). OR, “Good Lord, HOW MANY CHILDREN DO YOU HAVE?”
What I want to say is “we’re going to keep trying until one of them doesn’t look like my husband”. OR “Well, I have a suburban. We stop when I no longer have car seat space.”
But I just smile and say, “No, I get to send them home at the end of the day.”
And then I blog about how stupid and mean people are. 🙂
Nice post.
That just cracked me up, big time. The husband-line = brilliant. You are funny.
I really need to practice saying “Pardon me.”
Starting….now.
My husband said, “I’m going bald.”
My 4 yr old said, “Just like Jabba the Hut.”
He alludes to Star Wars!
Oh, well. I tend to say a certain swear word whenever I get really frustrated by something – which only happens about once a day. :/ My son has, thus far, chosen not to repeat that one tiny word, despite parroting everything else that I say. I have an intense fear that he is saving it up for maximum effect (i.e. to be used at the most embarrassing moment possible).
But what a delicious blog moment that will be!
Today, at the precise moment I was looking at a Ballard’s catalogue photo of a piper piping, my son farted. Really loud.
He then announced: “I just tooted.”
Weird enough for ya?
I’m laughing. Yesterday, William told me: “Mom, do you know that some people in my class call tooting “farting”?”
Yesterday, one of my profs shared this Knock Knock joke:
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
I”m a pile up.
I’m a pile up who?
When Matthew woke up crying with leg cramps last night, I told him the joke and laughed my head off. I have no idea why.
Matthew? Patted my head and said, “You’re weird, Mummy. You should get some sleep.”
I love that boy. And I love weird parents, too. 🙂
A good parent always has a knock knock joke ready to distract a crying kid. There have only been a few instances when I couldn’t get my youngest to forget he was in life-threatening pain by saying, “Knock knock!”
Ha. A comedy guy I know has done some research on this (seriously). And tellin a Knock Knock joke can actually stop a criminal from committing a crime. So I’m leaving my purse on top of my car’s roof, just hanging around, waiting for the opportunity to test drive this theory.
Our second son, when he was preschool age, used to say “I belong to Momma!” According to him, his older brother “Belonged to Dada.” Perplexing, but adorable.
So so adorable. My son definitely thinks I belong to him.
I ask for clarification from my children often. It saves nightmares about them. Like when Wendy said she was making a “torture box.” I needed to ask about that.
I’m glad that I have the presence of mind (or lack thereof) to ignore, verbally, but write down, the weird things they say.
Indeed, write it! So, what was a torture box? Personally, I think it’s a euphemism for the craft table.
You can love someone without liking them.
It means you’ll cry at their funeral, but you sure don’t want to go on vacation with them.
This would be hilarious if it wasn’t true…
Well I had the same tought today when my 3 year old daugther said she found the guy in tv very handsome, even more than her daddy, Who? Ryan Phillipe. (WT…)
She´s only 3 !!!
She´s right anyway…
Hilarious. What did Daddy say about that?
What an awesome Mom you are! Wait until they perfect cloning, I’m betting you’ll be at the top of the list!
Aw, that’s sweet. I think I’ll be at the top of the “specializing in snark” cloning line.
Just today I said this: “There’s Sprite in my shoe.” But the funny thing is that there was.
That is not something you say every day. At least I’m hoping it’s not.