Welcome to the 5th installment of the Worst Toys of 2012.
If you missed the previous “winners,” please check out the following:
Today, I am giving out the Plastification Award. The Plastification Award is given to a toy that uses a ridiculous amount of plastic to do almost nothing. In short, it’s a waste of polymers.
Without further ado, then, I give you the winner of the 2012 Plastification Award: Just Like Home’s Dessert Play Food.
Five reasons why Dessert Play Food should become extinct:
1. Appearance. The donuts are the colour of dung.
2. Classification. At a local toy store, Dessert Play Food was filed under “Fruits and Vegetables.” Hey, if the Canada Food Guide adds this to its pyramid, my twins might stand a chance of getting their vegetable quota.
3. Hockey. They resemble hockey pucks more than actual food.
4. Jamie Oliver. Dessert Play Food is marketed under the brand, “Just Like Home.” I’m pretty sure that donut breakfasts like these are making Jamie Oliver (of American-Food-Revolution fame) turn over in his grave. I know…Jamie Oliver isn’t dead. But if he eats too many plastic donuts, he will be.
5. Market. Who’s going to buy plastic Twinkies, Ho Hos, and Ding Dongs now that Hostess USA is liquidating? If no one can buy the real ones, who’s going to buy the fake ones? Furthermore, can anyone tell the difference?
What uses can you think of for Dessert Play Food
other than using it as a hockey puck?
PS. Dear Dad: Happy Birthday! I didn’t send you a card. Or plastic donuts. Love, the girl you wanted to name Barbara.
Every time I see something like this and consider for a second bring it into my house, I just imagine it being perpetually covered in saliva and change my mind.
Oh. The Saliva Test. That is brilliant.
Greetings from the Land that brought Ho Ho’s, Twinkies, Zingers, Sno Balls, and Ding Dongs to lunch boxes for generations. Until the fine folks in Washington — having little interest in balancing our ginormous deficit — decided these sugar filled treats should be on the list of items banned from schools. (Right up there with knives, guns, and Bazooka bubble gum).
There is a buying frenzy going on here before they go off the shelves. The problem was not on the demand side. Sadly, Hostess has to lay off umpty-ump workers and close it’s doors b/c of union demands that made their balance sheet look like my checkbook after a day at Sassy Flamingo Boutique.
Say we won’t have to resort to plastic donuts that look like dung and hockey pucks! We’re all hoping for a last minute reprieve. Some women have signature cologne. I have signature snacks: HO HOs and Ding Dongs.
There’s a blog post title: What’s your signature snack? I like that. If I ever use it, I’ll give you credit.
I’ve never had a Ho Ding Zinger Twinkie. Ever. I hope we can still be friends.
I hereby convey upon you permission to use What’s your signature snack? without fear of reprisal. Have your peeps contact my peeps so I can plan a novella masquerading as a comment in advance.
Ka-Snort on the Ho Ding Zinger Twinkie.
Love this series, but I love the note to your father so much! Happy b’day to your dad. Barbara. Hahahaha. 😉
Apparently my dad called me “Barbara” for the first month of my life. I’m glad my mom won. A blonde Barbie. Nope.
Target practice?
Yes.
I’d be kinda tempted to get some of these for my toddler so that when she encounters the real thing she’d just be like “naw, those always taste like plastic.”
I love how you think.
Genius!
Bathtub stoppers. That muffin-looking thing would make a perfect bathtub stopper. I own rental property, so my eye for that kind of thing is pretty good.
Hilarious!
I read all of these posts one right after the other (post-holiday), and there are more that appeal to girls here. Are our daughters really that easily hoodwinked into buying total crap?
Then again, I thought about the worst toys for boys are, and I have to say that down here (Texas), our boys love their guns. I finally caved and our sons got plastic pellet guns, but we didn’t even begin to purchase the fastest ammo-shooters out there. I don’t know why young boys need to fire at each other at that speed and leave red welts on one anothers’ bodies, nor why they need to drop a thousand plastic BB’s on the lawn to be entertained. Suddenly, Grand Theft Auto video games look so much safer.
Yes, the girl toys do seem to be worse. I stayed away from the guns. They seemed too obvious. I do have a zombie toy coming up next week, though. 🙂
I’ll stay tuned! (By the way, we are good enough parents to make players wear eye protectors every time.)
Nice work, Leanne! You’re a gift to bloggers – and moms – everywhre…
Well, if I put enough of them close together, I could use them as a plate to hold actual donuts. That seems like the best option, really.
Ha Ha Ha Loved it!
Somebody gave our kids a plastic kitchen and food thing when they were toddlers. They used to make plate-fulls of pretend food, and you had to pretend to eat it, to play along… only it stunk of plastic, and if it got anywhere near your mouth and nose, made you gag…
My daughter has a 500 piece (!!!) box of plastic food. All sorts of different things in there, grapes, potatoes, even a whole chicken. She likes to take the top off of it, dump all 500 pieces on the floor, and then go find something else to do.
Huge thumbs up from me. Those things are horrible. But how funny would it be to put them on a plate on your kitchen counter…then hide a video camera to tape your children’s reactions? Not little kids…the teenagers 😛