• Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer

Leanne Shirtliffe

Poetry | Humour | Picture Books

  • Poetry
  • Humour
    • Don’t Lick The Minivan
    • Mommyfesto
    • Ironic Mom Blog Archive
      • Search
      • Start Here
      • Finding Humor Everywhere
      • Hilarious Family Moments
      • Un-Ironic Moments
      • Wild Gen X Tales
      • Full Archives
  • Picture Books
    • Sloth to the Rescue
    • I Love Sharks, Too!
    • Saving Thunder the Great
    • No More Beige Food
    • The Change Your Name Store
    • Guides/Activities
  • About
  • Contact
    • General Inquiries

The Worst Toys of 2012: The Surrogate Parent Award

Welcome to the third installment of the Worst Toys of 2012. So far, we’ve given out the “Call 911” Award and the Skankification Award.

Today, it’s time for the Surrogate Parent Award.

The Surrogate Parent Award goes to the toy that is designed to entertain your child for the length of time it would take you to have not only one glass of wine but the whole bottle and a nap.

And so, the 2012 Surrogate Parent Award goes to the Laugh and Learn Activity Monkey.

Five reasons why the Laugh & Learn Apptivity Monkey is on my list of the Worst Toys of 2012:

1. Location, Location, Location. An iPhone fits securely in the belly of the Apptivity Monkey, almost like the plush primate is gestating it. Are you unsure how to remove your iPhone from its uterus? No problem. There’s gotta be an app for that. After all, it comes with seventy-five apps.

2. Noise. The Apptivity Monkey makes noise. Incessant noise. As in monkey “oo-oo-ah-ah” noise. Have a listen.

See? There’s a reason why the Apptivity Monkey has a protective case for your iPhone: When you fling the primate against the wall to stop the oo-oo-ah-ah-ing, your smart phone won’t break.

3. Age Appropriateness. The Apptivity Monkey is for six-month-old babies. Why does a six month old need to play with an iPhone? What’s wrong with sucking on car keys? Shouldn’t there be a law that you’re not allowed to use a smart phone until you can, I don’t know, walk? Feed yourself? Pick your own nose?

4. Questionable Claims. The Apptivity Monkey is “educational,” a word that has become the biggest euphemism in toy marketing today. Apparently, this plush primate enhances sensory development, fine motor skills, and cause and effect. Of course, so does babbling at your kid when she’s standing in an exer-saucer.

5. Longevity. The Apptivity Monkey is good for an iPod and certain types of iPhones. What happens if you have an iPhone 5 (or an iPhone 7)? That’s right: You can buy another, more recent version of the toy. Maybe Apptivity Monkey 2.0. I’m going to dig into my kids’ therapy college fund right now.

Coming up next, the fourth in the series of the Worst Toys of 2012: The What-the-Heck-Is-It Award.

Thoughts? Any other annoying “educational” toys out there?

Similar Posts:

  • A Twisted Guide to the Worst Toys of 2011
  • Top 5 “Best of 2010” Toys That Really Suck

Filed Under: Worst Toy List Tagged With: bad toys, funny mom, funny mom blog, humor, parenting, Worst toys

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Gloria Richard Author says

    November 21, 2012 at 6:28 am

    Call me crazy [It’s okay. Many do.], but I suspect any parent who gave this to a six-month-old baby through the terrible twos would find themselves spending more time clearing the screen of slobber, picking it up from whatever spot the child chose for their I-flung-it-you-fetch-it game than they would if they actually engaged with their child.

    Give me a kid-friendly lower cabinet filled with Tupperware any day. Who knows? They might accidentally find the top that goes with the blasted looks-like-a-TV-dinner divided container.

    The top is red, btw. If you have it. Please send it my way.

    Reply
    • zkullis says

      November 21, 2012 at 11:14 am

      Woops… Sorry Gloria, I’ll return it. 😉

      That is the problem with any kind of Tupperware drawer. It suddenly becomes a nexis of loss and insanity when you try to find out where in the hell the matching pieces went. It’s almost as bad as the socks in the laundry room.

      Reply
      • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

        November 21, 2012 at 8:11 pm

        Many marriages have ended over the state of the Tupperware cupboard.

        Reply
  2. thoughtsappear says

    November 21, 2012 at 6:47 am

    Are you supposed to use your iPhone or buy your toddler his or her own phone?

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 21, 2012 at 8:12 pm

      Ha. If I had a 6-month-old, I’d just keep the cardboard cut-out of the iPhone in the drool-proof case.

      Reply
  3. charlottecarrendar says

    November 21, 2012 at 7:07 am

    Now I have seen everything. I’m amazed. <3

    Reply
  4. Our Life In 3D says

    November 21, 2012 at 7:16 am

    No more noisey toys! Age appropriateness..very funny! So that’s where my keys went?

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 21, 2012 at 8:12 pm

      Yup. A kid swallowed them. Or at least cleaned them.

      Reply
  5. JM Randolph says

    November 21, 2012 at 7:19 am

    I couldn’t even get half way through the sound file before I wanted to smash monkeys.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 21, 2012 at 8:12 pm

      I know. Headache inducing.

      Reply
  6. renée a. schuls-jacobson says

    November 21, 2012 at 7:29 am

    You are making me so happy that we are done with “crap” for the holidays. Now we gift shopping trips to favorite stores (with gift cards), coupons to choose dinner out at restaurant of our son’s choice, and of course, new underwear. My 13 yo just got a phone. Why would a baby need one? Oy.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 21, 2012 at 8:13 pm

      I like the coupon idea. I’d like a coupon for a night in a boutique hotel. By myself. And maybe a spa treatment… 🙂

      Reply
  7. boringyear says

    November 21, 2012 at 7:36 am

    When Monkey was in utero we told all our family and friends that we would not be accepting any toys that required batteries. Mainly because they annoy the heck out of me and I didn’t want to listen to that all day! While a few have crept in, I think we’ve done fairly well. Monkey doesn’t really like toys of any description anyway – just give him a box of tissues or a bottle of poison and he’ll be happy. I saw this one on TV and it just makes me want to gag. Seems ridiculous to me.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 21, 2012 at 8:15 pm

      Laughing at the bottle of poison. We have a battery-powered Batman car and every now and again it goes off when no one is near it and it freaks me out.

      Reply
  8. Lisha says

    November 21, 2012 at 7:55 am

    My son is twelve and still doesn’t have a phone. (Although I have it on good authority that Santa is going to remedy that.) Anywho… This whole giving a toddler a phone, even yours, to play with befuddles me.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 21, 2012 at 8:16 pm

      Agreed. If you can’t wipe your own butt, no phone.

      Reply
  9. Trish Loye Elliott says

    November 21, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Lol! I so agree. These ‘awards’ are awesome. Can’t wait to see what’s up next!

    Reply
  10. hiddinsight says

    November 21, 2012 at 10:08 am

    What. I think this is brilliant. I’m downloading the “Mommy I just Shit my pants…come get me” App where communication to napping mommy in the next room is a breeze. No more crying, whining babies…they can communicate what their problem is without using actual language. It’s the way of the future, people.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 21, 2012 at 8:17 pm

      Positively brilliant. I wonder what the teen version would be.

      Reply
  11. dirtyrottenparenting says

    November 21, 2012 at 10:59 am

    This year we’re giving the kids each a box of things scavenged from various recycling boxes around the neighborhood. I call it the build-a-toy box. If they can figure out a way to incorporate batteries and/or smart phones, I might be convinced to allow it!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 21, 2012 at 8:18 pm

      Repurposed parts. Love it.

      Reply
  12. zkullis says

    November 21, 2012 at 11:09 am

    LMAO Leanne!!

    Reply
  13. Tori Nelson says

    November 21, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    My son just receive a Chuck The Truck toy for his birthday. I was going to get him an empty cardboard box (fort, holla!) but his toddler friends are generous. The thing can sense movement and life. I’ve tried to turn it off but it races around the house spouting off noises and lights. It’s currently racing and giggling under a pile of lawn equipment in the garage.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 21, 2012 at 8:19 pm

      I love the garage as a dump-all for noisy toys. Now I just buy them for “research.” Then I take them back in January…

      Reply
  14. Our Life In 3D says

    November 21, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    Would you mind if I reblog this for funny Black Friday?

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe (Ironic Mom) says

      November 21, 2012 at 8:17 pm

      Reblog away! 🙂

      Reply
  15. Our Life In 3D says

    November 21, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    Reblogged this on OUR LIFE IN 3D and commented:
    This is a Black Friday Alert: This is a customer service announcement for toys not to buy on Black Friday. Thanks to Leanne @ Ironic Mom for creating and lending me this list of toys to avoid on Black Friday. For more lists and laughs check out her kid show at the Ironic Mom.

    Reply
  16. smcwrites says

    November 25, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    I agree, what IS wrong with car keys?

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Footer

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

© 2005–2023 · Leanne Shirtliffe / Ironic Mom ·