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Routines, Apples, and Underwear

Most of my at-home evenings look the same. They involve my husband relaxing upstairs, watching his favourite sports team lose (Toronto Raptors, Toronto Maple Leafs, Canada’s Rugby Team) and me pfaffing on my laptop in our library, sometimes writing, sometimes tweeting, sometimes chatting with Kelly from Dances with Chaos.

The second part of this routine involves William. He’s always been a night owl compared to his sister. Once she’s asleep, William creeps past her bed, commando crawls past the room where my husband is yelling at the TV, and tip toes downstairs. I know because I’ve spied on him.

To complete the third part of our nightly ritual, William steals a piece of fruit from the bowl. He usually eats it on the landing, then comes to visit me.

“Mom,” he says, edging forward, “can I have a li’l cuddle?”

I shut my laptop and place it on the floor. “Come here,” I say, feigning disappointment, but secretly welcoming the start of the fourth part of my nightly routine, the mother-son extended cuddle mix.

William climbs onto my lap, then shifts endlessly. At first, I think he’s trying to get comfortable, like a sunbather wriggling on his towel in an attempt to get the sand to mold to his body.

But that’s not it.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“Nothing,” William answers, offering the plea of guilty six-year-olds the world over.

I watch him reach behind his back, adjust the waistband of his pajamas, and pull out a piece of fruit.

I say this:

Apparently, this is the funniest punch line ever if you’re a boy in Grade One.

Laughter ensues, William wriggles some more, and he crunches the apple like he’s found Eden.

*

It’s Whiteboard Wednesday, so I ask:

What bizarre things have your heard or said recently?

Filed Under: Whiteboard Wednesday Tagged With: children, humor, Ironic Mom, Leanne Shirtliffe, mom, parenting, Whiteboard Wednesday

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Jeff Silvey says

    April 13, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    Funny story, good post. But you might want to wash that apple. 😉

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 14, 2011 at 7:12 am

      Ha. I don’t wash anything. Not since I found William sucking on the stroller wheel in Bangkok’s airport when he was 7 months old.

      Reply
      • chibichunsa says

        April 14, 2011 at 11:59 am

        Apparently my friends from Bangkok claim that living in the city automatically grants you the immune system of gods. This has yet to be disproven.

        Reply
      • Ironic Mom says

        April 14, 2011 at 5:01 pm

        There might be something to that.

        Reply
  2. Susan says

    April 13, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    Tonight I said “Isabelle, check your sister’s nose. Is that a blackberry up there?”

    Turns out, yes.

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 14, 2011 at 7:12 am

      Brilliant. And hilarious.

      Reply
  3. Lady Estrogen says

    April 13, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    Stupid Leafs. Dumb Raptors. LOL.
    Curling is the way to go these days for winning CDN teams. haha.

    My twins aren’t really saying silly or clever things just yet, but the best line I’ve heard all week was from a Doctor Who episode:
    “Always bring a banana to a party.”
    Words to live by.
    x

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 14, 2011 at 7:13 am

      Words to live by, indeed.

      And I watched the curling. It helps that I know one of the guys on the team. Plus, I’m a bandwagon fan.

      Reply
  4. The Good Greatsby says

    April 13, 2011 at 8:13 pm

    If William gets out of bed and steals things, you should be grateful he’s only stealing fruit. Before long it could be the car.

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 14, 2011 at 7:14 am

      For this reason, I’m never getting a car. Only a minivan. I figure a teen wouldn’t steal a Loser Cruiser, right?

      Reply
  5. Kim says

    April 13, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    Awe… I like your routine!

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 14, 2011 at 7:14 am

      Thanks. It works. Sometimes.

      Reply
  6. survivingthesandwichyears says

    April 13, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    Oh, those nighttime mama-son cuddles are really the best – and even better with smuggled fruit! Great story…. 🙂

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 14, 2011 at 7:57 am

      Thanks. The cuddle is one of my favourite moments of every day. Thanks for commenting.

      Reply
  7. Kelly K @ Dances with Chaos says

    April 14, 2011 at 12:59 am

    Love this moment.

    Also enlightening to your mutterings about Will on the steps

    Enjoy this time.

    My latest phrase? (to Lil Diva) “We don’t eat pill bugs off the floor. That’s icky!”

    Loved hearing Will story as Viv usually steals show with quips.

    And I’m mentioned! So cool. 🙂

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 14, 2011 at 7:16 am

      I have muttered about Will on the steps, haven’t I?

      Thankfully, Will’s my cuddler. Vivi’s my squirmer. Cuddling her is like cuddling a cat who doesn’t want to be in your lap. But I still take it.

      Reply
  8. Chase McFadden says

    April 14, 2011 at 3:41 am

    Any statement involving the word “underwear” would be a big hit with our grade one boy. And his three younger siblings. Great “Thing” picture.

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 14, 2011 at 7:16 am

      Underwear. Is it a guy thing?

      Reply
  9. Bellymonster says

    April 14, 2011 at 4:37 am

    This is the stuff, Mama. THESE are the moments that he will remember fondly and the ones that will keep you from murdering him when he DOES sneak downstairs to steal the car keys.

    LOVE this post!

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 14, 2011 at 7:17 am

      Thanks, Belly. The car keys. Sigh.

      Reply
  10. Meet the Buttrams says

    April 14, 2011 at 5:21 am

    Hilarious! How can I get my six-year-old to start smuggling fruit instead of Hershey kisses? Not only because they’re healthier, but also because they don’t melt into horrifying messes…oh, wait, that’s just chocolate. Whew.

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 14, 2011 at 7:17 am

      I hide the chocolate. Thankfully I’m tall. I’m hoping my kids didn’t get the tall gene.

      But melted chocolate – unless it’s in your mouth – is unpleasant.

      Reply
  11. Little Green Mom says

    April 14, 2011 at 5:28 am

    Too cute… Is that an apple you’re hiding in there, or are you just happy to see me? 😉

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 14, 2011 at 7:20 am

      Funny. This post could go another direction, I suspect.

      Reply
  12. littlecackles says

    April 14, 2011 at 6:23 am

    I love this! I’ve got a little boy who isn’t even two yet… but I can totally see Gabe hiding apples in his pants. He’s already putting crackers in his diaper!

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 14, 2011 at 7:18 am

      Crackers in his diaper? Hilarious. A little hands-free carrying case.

      Reply
  13. Marianne says

    April 14, 2011 at 6:34 am

    I would probably be excited my kids are feeding themselves so that I no longer have to cook dinner.

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 14, 2011 at 7:18 am

      Good point. I didn’t cook dinner that night.

      Reply
  14. julie says

    April 14, 2011 at 7:00 am

    Love this. And apples.

    (you make me smile.)

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 14, 2011 at 7:19 am

      Bet you don’t like apples in underwear. Maybe you do. Never mind.

      Reply
  15. writerwoman61 says

    April 14, 2011 at 7:16 am

    Cheering for Toronto teams is a losing proposition…ask my brother the Leafs fan!

    I love that William still wants to cuddle with his mom…maybe you should get him some pyjamas with pockets so he doesn’t have to use his underwear to store the apple!

    Very cute post, Leanne!

    Wendy

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 14, 2011 at 7:20 am

      Well, the Jays are doing well this year, but there are only a kazillion games left.

      Pajamas with pockets = fab idea.

      Reply
  16. KristenSays says

    April 14, 2011 at 9:32 am

    i love this post! 🙂

    funny thing i said today, to my husband:
    “tuppins [our cat] just left a trail of doody nuggets on the floor.”

    i would much rather have to pick up a trail of apples…

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 14, 2011 at 3:36 pm

      I think I’m with you on that one: I too would rather pick up apples. I hope you delegated.

      Reply
  17. Reba Verrall says

    April 14, 2011 at 10:06 am

    Awesome post and once again you inspire me as a parent: always capitalizing on the best moments. Can you believe 15 year olds can still pull something similar? When the 12 yr old is asleep, she stealthily slinks out past her sisters door, knocks on ours and jumps in between us (yes I’m so not kidding LOL) and tells us stuff about her day that Soph just ‘wouldn’t understand.’ I LOVE it…because I know she’s not far away from heading out the door to university/college!

    To quote one of my fave Country music artists (Garth Brooks) “I’m much too young to feel this damn old”

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 14, 2011 at 3:38 pm

      Reba, that gives me hope, more than you know. I worry about the finite number of cuddles and moments. Nice to hear there may be more in my future.

      Reply
  18. journeytoepiphany says

    April 14, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    My son is turning eighteen this week, and he still sneaks into the library while I’m working with something to eat, and wants to talk…enjoy the cuddles while you can.

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 14, 2011 at 9:47 pm

      Another story that gives me hope. Please, may my son want to chat when he’s a teen!

      Reply
  19. educlaytion says

    April 14, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    My mom is funny, more deadpan than most. I think I know a little how William feels sometimes when you drop these lines on him. So don’t blame him if he pees a little. Especially if there’s maybe some fruit in there.

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 14, 2011 at 9:46 pm

      Aha. So you get your humoUr from you mom. Clearly, behind every funny kid is a funny mom. Or so I like to tell myself. Fruit of the loom.

      Reply
  20. christel42 says

    April 14, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    Apparently, I am a boy in Grade 1?! Who knew?

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 15, 2011 at 6:22 am

      Laughing!

      Reply
  21. BigLittleWolf says

    April 15, 2011 at 4:50 am

    The perfect start to what will be a long day… the Kid dragging as we ready for school, the pile of tasks to get through bigger than my spirit, but I think these words will help. (And thinking I need to get a white board for my teen.)

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 15, 2011 at 6:24 am

      White board for your teen = risky, I suspect, but fun. And I get “the pile of tasks to get through bigger than my spirit” – you phrase that well. Sending you strength!

      Reply
  22. Jaksgirl says

    April 15, 2011 at 9:23 am

    Just started reading your blog and am really enjoying it. I have 2 boys, oldest a few months away from being 18 and the youngest is 10. The oldest “seeks” me out when he is home and chats…if I am up when he gets home from work or from being out I know he will come right in and sit with me and we have great chats. Of course, loving our late night late chats when everyone else is asleep. I try to be up when he gets home, to soak up any thing we can share as he gets older and closer to leaving the nest. I want to savour these moments…they are dwindling and of course, my heart hurts when I think about that fact! I still get hugs and cuddles from both boys, thankfully Some might think it’s odd that my soon to be 18 year old will still cuddle but I have to clarify, the cuddles are different from when he was 6!!! It’s more of just sitting side by side on the couch and talking, that’s the extent of the “cuddle” but I will take it, hands down! I have learned over the years, no matter what you are doing in that moment if your child wants a hug or a cuddle, do it…they need it and so do you!!!

    Reply
    • journeytoepiphany says

      April 15, 2011 at 10:10 am

      Your 18 year old and mine sound very much alike. Occasionally, we’ll be sitting on the couch watching a movie, and I’ll realize he’s holding my hand…Boys who can show affection to their mother make great husbands, (at least I’ve heard someone say that once!)

      Reply
      • Ironic Mom says

        April 15, 2011 at 7:21 pm

        Both of your comments make me stand a little straighter when I think of the future. You’ve done something very right. And I love the saying “Boys who can show affection to their mother make great husbands.” I wonder if there have been psychology studies done on that. It is perfectly logical, at least in my brain.

        Reply
  23. kristinherdy says

    April 15, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    this is such a good post.

    For potty training, we used a squisky foam seat that fits over the regular toilet set. I had to say “Stop biting on it! We don’t eat potty seats!” phrases you never thought would come out of your mouth

    Reply
    • Ironic Mom says

      April 15, 2011 at 7:18 pm

      I am laughing, Kristin. Don’t eat potty seats? Wow. On a good day, I couldn’t make that up.

      Reply
  24. Amir says

    April 17, 2011 at 10:13 pm

    Hi Leanne. As usual, I had a great time reading William and Vivan’s stories here. William’s sachet for hiding the fruits reminded me what Mazdak did this afternoon when he was playing Wii. One of his favourite Wii games (out of the total of three games he can find in the house) is Wii Fit Plus with lots of exercise-based games including his favourite, Run Plus game. It simulates you running in a park, with the Wii Remote in your hand acting as a pedometer. But Mazdak doesn’t like holding anything in has hands while running and sometimes asks me to shake the remote while he’s still running, which is quite a funny scene. However, he really surprised me this afternoon when I saw him running in front of TV with no Remote Control in his hands, and nobody around to shake it for him. When I asked him what happened to the Remote, he said “It’s under my underwear”, while passing and waving to other Wii characters on the screen 

    Reply

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