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Kids Using Google: The Cons

This past Sunday, I once again tried to sleep in beyond 6:30, the time when my seven-year-old twins opted to wake.

“Just go play computer games,” I told Vivian. William was already safely absorbed in some violent cartoon on TV that was three inches from his face.

Vivian left. The world was quiet, and the world was good. I drifted in and out of sleep.

One hour passed. I wandered into the office.

“What are you doing?” I asked Vivian.

She stared at the monitor. She was filling in a form.

“Making Dad a card for Father’s Day,” she said.

Right. Father’s Day. My husband had left for work hours ago. We’d be doing our annual Throw-the-Spatula Competition later that day.

“Does it cost any money?” I asked.

“No,” Vivian said. “It’s just a card.”

The site seemed legit, so I took a shower.

When I got out, William was still inches away from the TV, this time staring at Sponge Bob, who was teaching him great adjectives, like stupid.

I continued to the office.

“Mom,” said Vivian, “I’ve found silly gifts I want to buy for Dad.”

“Oh?”

I walked closer to the monitor, pulling a strand of wet hair off my face.

I saw this picture.

“How did you find that?” I asked.

“I googled ‘funny gifts for men.'” Vivian looked up at me and grinned. “Wouldn’t Dad think this is hilarious?” she asked.

Maybe, I thought.

I checked the URL, www.gagsandgoods.com. Meanwhile, Vivian scrolled down.

“Look at this one!”

I looked. And saw this.

Yup, her dad might think that’s hilarious. Maybe.

Vivian was on a roll. She scrolled down some more. “What’s this gift for?”

I looked at the picture.

“Right,” I said. “Hey, you hungry? It’s time I make you some breakfast, isn’t it? Why don’t you bring that card you printed downstairs, and you can colour it at the table?”

I was in please-let’s-not-talk-about-this-now mode. I hadn’t even had a cup of tea.

Despite my frantic questions, Vivian continued normally. She clicked on the red x to close the screen, grabbed her freshly printed card, and followed me downstairs, pausing only to look at William and Squidward.

*

If you missed Vivian’s positive exploits on Google, check out Kids Using Google: The Pros.

*

What interesting images or sites have your kids (or you) accidentally stumbled across?

Filed Under: Hilarious Family Moments Tagged With: children, Father's Day, funny, gifts, google, humor, Ironic Mom, kids, Leanne Shirtliffe, parenting, twins

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Vinay Antony Payyapilly says

    June 22, 2011 at 7:30 am

    Could’ve been worse. 🙂

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 22, 2011 at 4:51 pm

      Indeed.

      Reply
  2. educlaytion says

    June 22, 2011 at 7:31 am

    I always love how different they are. Your children, not the gag gifts for men. I can picture you trying to deflect in that conversation. Next question: don’t you ever drink coffee?

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 22, 2011 at 4:52 pm

      I know. They are different. Since the womb. Some of my ideas about “it’s all nurture” (not nature) when out the window with my unscientific data sample of 2.

      Never. Drink. Coffee. Ever.

      Reply
  3. lryanis says

    June 22, 2011 at 7:56 am

    Leanne, that’s hysterical. When my boys were 7ish, they googled “boobs”. All of the sudden loud giggles exploded from the room and hubby and I knew something was up. I’m sure you can imagine what was on the screen. We probably should have had some parental controls on the computer. Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda. Always enjoy your stories and your writing.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 22, 2011 at 4:53 pm

      Oh my. Boobs. That’ll produce some range of results. Hilarious!

      Reply
  4. Annie says

    June 22, 2011 at 7:58 am

    Oh, the tacky things you can buy!

    Vivian is going to publish a book someday. She’s good at research, she loves to write, and is self-motivated. Better watch out. No telling what she will google next!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 22, 2011 at 4:54 pm

      I know. I’m worried she’s going to google, “How To Annoy Your Mother.”

      Reply
  5. julie gardner says

    June 22, 2011 at 8:00 am

    I love that the Gay Porn Star bumper sticker measures 8 inches.

    Sure it does.

    😉

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 22, 2011 at 4:54 pm

      ROFL. Love that you noticed that. A great laugh, yes!

      Reply
  6. LB says

    June 22, 2011 at 8:35 am

    oh this is hilarious! i mean, the gifts are classic, but what i like best is how you describe William’s TV choices. sounds an awful lot like what my 5 year old likes in order to be as cool as his older cousins.

    *also, it’s good to know someone else lets the computer/tv babysit sometimes. in my house, it’s called a “max & ruby” time. ever notice how there are NO parents on that show? when i start ignoring my kids so that i can do important things like get on FB and read blogs, I call it a “max & ruby” time. they are on their own, and unless i hear REAL screaming or there is blood, i pretend i’m not here.*

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 22, 2011 at 4:55 pm

      The TV does have a purpose. It might be educational for some, but for others it’s life saving!

      Love your points about Max and Ruby. I find Ruby a bit of a bossy pants.

      Reply
  7. KristenSays says

    June 22, 2011 at 9:29 am

    i’m guessing vivian figured out how to order that stuff and you’ll be getting a package within the next couple of days.

    package. tee hee

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 22, 2011 at 4:55 pm

      Package. We’ll said.

      Reply
  8. David N. Walker says

    June 22, 2011 at 10:14 am

    Good post, Leanne. Made me laugh.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 22, 2011 at 4:55 pm

      Thanks, David!

      Reply
  9. Reba Verrall says

    June 22, 2011 at 10:48 am

    OMGosh hilarious! You were reacting pretty gosh darn quick for a gal who hadn’t had her morning tea yet. 🙂

    I’ll have to blog about the “hey Mom what does ‘gay’ mean?” question a good friend of mine got from her son…well more about how she answered the question actually. LOL

    I agree with Clay, I love how you manage/respond/react to each of your kids…its so fun to see how different they are and how you have to adapt on a moments notice.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 22, 2011 at 4:56 pm

      That sounds like it’s a hilarious story. I think it’d be far easier to explain “gay” than “porn” to a seven-year-old.

      And thanks.

      Reply
  10. Keenie Beanie says

    June 22, 2011 at 11:43 am

    To be honest, I’m a little relieved that’s all it came to. When I think about what she MIGHT have stumbled across, I just shudder.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 22, 2011 at 4:57 pm

      I agree. But when I saw the word p*rn, I thought: if she can find this, what else can she find?

      Sigh. I just want to shelter them forever.

      Reply
  11. Hi, I'm Natalie. says

    June 22, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    OMG WHY DON’T YOU DRINK COFFEE?? (Good for you. I’ve struggled with the occasional pot-a-day habit. It’s not pretty.)

    I’m also glad that the worst of it was the bumper sticker – there is some really easy-to-find nasty stuff out there. The worst that I’ve run into is at work… I sometimes have to do research for kinda weird things – which sometimes brings me to REALLY INAPPROPRIATE places that I DO NOT want to see anytime. let alone at work. Ah, well.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      June 22, 2011 at 8:27 pm

      I know. It could have been worse. Part of me fears it will be worse. I need to move the computer someplace more visible. Like the middle of our bed.

      And, truth be told, I’ve never had a full cup (or a half cup) of coffee ever. Sips, yes. But that’s it. I keep the good tea growers of Sri Lanka in business, though.

      Reply
  12. accidentalstepmom says

    June 22, 2011 at 11:39 pm

    Nice! I have one kid who is a terrible, terrible speller, and managed to get to a porn site because she spelled youtube wrong. Eeesh.

    Reply
  13. nuvofelt says

    June 23, 2011 at 7:34 am

    Hmm, yup, it could have been worse….

    Reply
  14. Tamara Vukusic says

    June 24, 2011 at 7:47 am

    You never fail to crack me up! You are the only reason I ever laugh before coffee.

    Reply
  15. The Hook says

    June 24, 2011 at 11:40 am

    The web is definitely filled with pitfalls for little ones. Fortunately, they have you to guide them to safety!

    Reply
  16. writerwoman61 says

    July 1, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    Oh my…how thoughtful of Vivian to want a funny gift for her dad…I wonder how many “PooPens” they actually sell? Maybe I can order one for my dad for next year…LOL.

    Hopefully, William will stay in the Spongebob (“oblivious”) phase for a little while longer…

    Wendy

    Reply

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