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Twins, The Tooth Fairy, and Confused Parents

With my twins in Grade 2, I didn’t think there was much that could surprise me. In the seven years they’ve been alive, they’ve carved their names into the side of our minivan, put a garden hose down the basement vent (and turned on the water), and shoplifted from two different stores.

But just like Snooki on her SAT, I was mistaken. It turns out that Vivian and William can still surprise me plenty.

On Sunday night, I was baking cookies for the homeless, something that made me feel slightly good about myself until I realized I’d consumed so much dough that the homeless might now also be cookieless.

Vivian and William were supposed to be getting ready for bed upstairs. My dough-munching was interrupted by Vivian yelling. “Mom!” she said. “William just pulled out my tooth. And it wasn’t even very loose!”

Like all veteran parents, I ignored her. Not only has she become quite the joker, but she also had no loose teeth.

“Mom!” she repeated. “I’m serious. I lost a tooth.”

I heard her gallop down the stairs.

I dropped the handful of chocolate chips – that were en route to my mouth – into the bowl.

“Let’s see,” I said.

She showed me her little pearly tooth and bloody grin.

Then I said this:

She smiled and nodded.

I looked at her.

“Well–” she hesitated.

I raised my eyebrows.

“A stuffy may have been involved,” she continued.

“A stuffy? As in a stuffed animal?”

“I had a stuffy in my mouth.”

“In your mouth?” This story was sounding more plausible. I’m not being sarcastic.

“Yes,” she said. “I don’t know how it got there, but it did.”

“You don’t know how it got there?”

“Not really,” Viv said. “But we were playing a game, and William pulled on it and my tooth came out.”

“Okay then,” I said. In the seven years they’ve been alive, I’ve learned it’s often better to stop asking questions.

*

Bedtime came, as did sleep for Will and Viv.

“Go look at the note,” my husband said when I finally shut my laptop and entered our bedroom.

“What note?” I asked.

“The note Vivi left for the tooth fairy.”

So I channeled my inner ninja, crept into their room, and read this:

And so the tooth fairy left the tooth. Just so I can vacuum it up next year.

*

What has surprised you in your household lately?
Have you said or heard any bizarre things?

Filed Under: Hilarious Family Moments, Whiteboard Wednesday Tagged With: funny mom, humor, Ironic Mom, Leanne Shirtliffe, mom, parenting, tooth fairy, twins

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Life From the Trenches says

    March 14, 2012 at 5:19 am

    We live remarkably similar lives! “I’m not being sarcastic” had me laughing out loud. Maybe you need one of those nanny cams?!? So you could post these with video footage! (Not that I’d never be brave enough to do that in my house – some things are not meant for parental eyes.) But you should consider it – I see the makings of a reality show here!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:19 pm

      A nanny cam would be great if it came with a nanny.

      Reply
  2. Lori Dyan says

    March 14, 2012 at 5:39 am

    That Snooki remark made my week. 😀

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:20 pm

      She’s an easy target. Which suits my style.

      Reply
  3. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson says

    March 14, 2012 at 5:52 am

    This is good news! We know know that William has a future in dentistry. At leadtvhevisnt squeamish about extraction. Love those kids.

    Reply
  4. Renée A. Schuls-Jacobson says

    March 14, 2012 at 5:53 am

    * at least he isn’t * dagnabbit

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:20 pm

      Although having your son be your dentist would have to be weird.

      Reply
  5. Running from Hell with El says

    March 14, 2012 at 6:29 am

    OMG, I had no idea we had such similar children. I have a third grade, a first grader and a kindergartner. This whole post cracked me up and had me nodding with recognition, particularly the line “Like all veteran parents, I ignored her. Not only has she become quite the joker, but she also had no loose teeth.”
    Just last night, my 1st grader called up to me, “Mom, come down the basement. Ben has wrapped a rope around his neck.” I proceeding with purpose and found my son gripping a rope that was attached to the tent (um, yeah outdoors tent but that is another story) and choking, all red-faced and whatnot, and I ordered one kid to grab scissors. My daughter wouldn’t stop nagging Ben so I snapped at her to (gah I used a bad word) . . . anyway, I freed him from imminent death. And this wasn’t the first time, nor will it be the last time . . .

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:22 pm

      Hilarious. And we must have similar households, because two days ago William was crawling around barking like a dog while Vivian chased him with a plastic bag. I said, “Don’t put it over his head.” She stopped and looked at me, clearly disappointed. “Can I at least pretend to put it over his head?” Sigh.

      Reply
      • Running from Hell with El says

        March 18, 2012 at 9:30 pm

        LOL!!!! You should have seen me chasing Ben across the WW2 Memorial in D.C. this afternoon. He got in the water, would not come out and splashed at least 30 people before I sprinted (on very achy legs) across the marble steps, about 500 feet, and took over pursuit from a stranger named Wanda. With one eye on my daughter, I leaned over, caught him by the collar, literally, and dragged him out of the (not for wading) pool. He smirked at me and told me I was a very mean mama. I laughed.

        Reply
  6. Raelyn Barclay says

    March 14, 2012 at 7:01 am

    We’ve had the cutting of each others’ hair but not the pulling of each others’ teeth, ROFL. We have had multiple children lose teeth at the same time. In fact last summer the poor Tooth Fairy had to stop at our house every other night for about 10 days! Like all veteran parents, I ask if there’s blood… Sorry, I have four boys. They use the banister as a slide daily. One is part Spiderman and climbs walls, yes I have photographic proof. Another thinks he can fly, again I have photographic proof. Never dull, this parenting gig.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:23 pm

      If that many teeth were lost at my house, I’d have to start panhandling on my suburban corner to come up with enough change. (In Canada, we have $1 and $2 coins. No bills!)

      Reply
      • Raelyn Barclay says

        March 19, 2012 at 8:27 am

        I did a scrapbook page about Canada’s Loonies and Toonies once 🙂 The wee beasties love losing teeth while visiting family in Canada, LOL

        Reply
  7. Trish Loye Elliott says

    March 14, 2012 at 7:19 am

    This gave me a much needed laugh. Love your kids! Great post, L.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:23 pm

      Thanks, Trish!

      Reply
  8. nancymhayes says

    March 14, 2012 at 7:24 am

    I love Vivian and William stories…. they bring so many happy memories . I must try and find those tooth fairy letters of ours stacked away and saved somewhere. It’s time to re- read them. Keep writing Leanne.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:24 pm

      I love that you kept them, Nancy. Thanks for the encouragement!

      Reply
  9. serre says

    March 14, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Will she ne using the same tooth for further fairy visits?

    A few months after I got married & moved in with my husband, the property agent gave us a sign that says “warning: video surveillance”, to put outside the main door (where there’s a entryphone with cam). My husband, who looks like a reliable guy, put the sign over the flush. 90% of the people we invite home and need to use the restroom see the sign while seating and actually believe it for a few seconds, they quickly stand up in panic or sit and look around suspiciously. Everyone, coming out of the bathroom, shakes head and calls us idiots.

    You asked for bizarre, right? 😛

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:24 pm

      Hilarious. I want to come to your house for dinner. Or at least to use the bathroom.

      Reply
      • serre says

        March 19, 2012 at 2:22 am

        It would be a pretty long trip for a wee-wee 😛

        Reply
  10. jmgoyder says

    March 14, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Oh this is priceless!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:24 pm

      🙂

      Reply
  11. susielindau says

    March 14, 2012 at 8:31 am

    I still find teeth in my kids rooms that they collected. It seems that the tooth fairy left them at our house too! Good times…

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:25 pm

      Do they make as satisfying a sound in the vacuum cleaner as Lego pieces?

      Reply
      • susielindau says

        March 18, 2012 at 9:29 pm

        Better in the vacuum than embedded in my foot I always say!

        Reply
  12. Paige Roper Norman says

    March 14, 2012 at 8:35 am

    I will not tell you that I have saved all of my children’s teeth in Ziploc baggies in my dresser with names and dates on them.

    Oh, I just did…

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:25 pm

      You could make necklaces! Except that’s a craft…

      Reply
  13. thoughtsappear says

    March 14, 2012 at 8:35 am

    Baking cookies for the homeless? You should be baking cookies for me!

    I learned the tooth fairy wasn’t real when I got in my mom’s jewelry box to borrow a necklace and saw all my baby teeth. It was a sad day.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:26 pm

      Ha. So it’s extra good the tooth fairy takes them normally. Typically. Not sure what happened to this series…

      Reply
  14. Natalie Hartford says

    March 14, 2012 at 10:44 am

    ROFL!!!!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:26 pm

      😀

      Reply
  15. David N. Walker says

    March 14, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Why do I keep getting Vivian and William confused with Thing 1 and Thing 2?

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:27 pm

      Yes. If Dr. Seuss could time travel…

      Reply
  16. Marianne says

    March 14, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    My DD lost her tooth at school yesterday and can’t find it and now is desperate to write a letter to the tooth fairy explaining the situation. I really hate how the tooth fairy only has one night to complete the transaction. It’s too much pressure. Maybe that’s why I got a migraine.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:27 pm

      I had headaches Friday and Saturday. It’s the weather.

      Reply
  17. livrancourt says

    March 14, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    A few years ago, one of the kids got up and came out into the kitchen. “Mom,” he said, “the toothfairy didn’t come last night.”
    Thinking quickly, I said, “Go check Mommy’s wallet. I think she left something for you in there.”
    😉

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:30 pm

      That is positively brilliant.

      Reply
  18. mistyslaws says

    March 14, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Apparently, my son’s teacher is world famous for teeth pulling. If there is a loose tooth and the kid wants, she will yank that sucker right out of there. I pulled out one of my son’s teeth because it was just hanging on and I was afraid he would swallow it or lose it. So, I said, “let me see how lose it is” and yank! Don’t worry. The tooth fairy was very good to him that night. The hubs usually does the deed so I think he has all the teeth. No idea where. I don’t think I really want to know, honestly. A bag full of teeth is a little creepy, actually.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:31 pm

      It is a bit creepy… I do the teeth pulling when William doesn’t get around to it.

      Reply
  19. StoriesAndSweetPotatoes says

    March 14, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    That’s so sweet. I was horrified of losing teeth as a child. I was convinced they were going to come out while I was sleeping and I’d choke and die. This is a better story.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:31 pm

      That is a scary concept when you put it like that!

      Reply
  20. mj monaghan says

    March 14, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Cookieless, homeless!

    Have you said or heard any bizarre things?
    I think you know me well enough by now, that I’ve NEVER said any bizarre things … or lied about not saying bizarre things! hehe

    Those kids are fantastic!!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:31 pm

      Good one, Michael.

      Reply
  21. just another s-a-h-mother says

    March 14, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    Owning an 8 year old of my own, my favourite part of the whole post has got to be: “Yes,” she said. “I don’t know how it got there, but it did.”

    BoyGenius (my son) never knows how anything happened. Or he knows everything. Just depends on the day.

    Thanks for the chuckle! (El sent me)

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:32 pm

      Glad you visited. And unlike our 8-year-olds, I know how you got here!

      Reply
  22. dianasschwenk says

    March 14, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    I love this story and it will be so meaningful to Viv when she’s older!

    Happy blogging,
    Diana

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:33 pm

      Thanks, Diana.

      Reply
  23. BigHeadDad says

    March 14, 2012 at 9:13 pm

    EXCELLENT POST! I recall crawling on my belly to get at a tooth and my wife saying “What took you so long!!?”
    The last thing I want is my son or daughter looking up and seeing me.. the tooth fairy.

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:33 pm

      It’s much harder than playing Santa.

      Reply
  24. gojulesgo says

    March 15, 2012 at 7:19 am

    Ha! I’m sure they’ll be surprising you for MANY more years to come. And ooh! I have a good one for you that I can’t write about on my own blog (why oh why did I ever decide to use my real name?).

    Let’s just say at a performance review at a different job a long time ago (er, yeah), the boss and I were discussing morale improvement ideas for the department. I said someone had just given me free lunch vouchers that made my morning, and he goes, “Wait wait. I don’t know why, but this idea just popped into my head. What about a car wash?” (He went on to describe how people could come to the parking deck at the end of the day to find their car cleaned.) I thought it was a great idea because it didn’t involve me interacting with colleagues, especially outside of working hours, but then started wondering how he went from lunch voucher to car wash. My husband and I both quickly reached the same conclusion. Time to wear baggy turtlenecks to work…

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:33 pm

      Oh my. And don’t wear white!

      Reply
  25. Common Household Mom says

    March 15, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    Great story! I love the part about cooking for the homeless. When I would cook something for the homeless, I had to make 4 times as much as the homeless needed, so I could pay off the family (and myself). So that I didn’t have to listen to, “The Homeless get cookies, and we don’t?!”

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:34 pm

      Ha. Glad I’m not alone on that one.

      Reply
  26. Joanne says

    March 15, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    LOL! I love reading your posts! I too am a twin mom and my boys are only 4yrs old but have done some crazy things and I’ve sure got some looks from parents who don’t have twins! Your stories make me laugh and remind me to stay on my toes! I repeat daily… I’m not a bad mom just a mom of twins!

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:34 pm

      Okay. I may have to steal your phrase. 🙂

      Reply
  27. jeandayfriday says

    March 15, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    I wrote a post last week about how I am the tooth fairy in our house. I love Vivian’s note to the tooth fairy – so sweet! I haven’t yet received a note, but I have climbed onto the top bunk to rescue the tooth from a mountain of stuffed animals and a sleeping eight-year-old. 🙂

    Reply
    • Leanne Shirtliffe says

      March 18, 2012 at 9:35 pm

      Now that’s devotion. Scaling mountains…or at least bunk beds.

      Reply

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