Not every day starts with a ticket from the police, but yesterday did.
In the five minutes called breakfast, I attempted to tweet and read the headlines without getting peanut butter smeared on my keyboard.
Vivian, my six-year-old, wanted more attention than our ten minute morning snuggle afforded her. So after she had inhaled her toast, she came over to me and started whacking my computer screen, pestering me for a bite of my English muffin and a whole lot of attention.
“Mommy needs some quiet time,” I mumbled through peanut butter.
“Can I write someone an email?” she asked, trying to take over the keyboard.
“Why don’t you play independently?” I encouraged, with one of those rhetorical questions that adults start wielding the moment they join the ranks of parenthood.
She muttered something and wandered away.
I was content and so was she. Or so I assumed. Wrongly.
Mere minutes later, she presented me with a ticket.
“It’s from the police,” she announced. She knows all about tickets because on Father’s Day, I received one for going 42 km/hr in a 30 km zone. I am aware of the irony of a mother in a minivan speeding through a playground.
I looked at Vivian’s ticket. Our phone number was inscribed at the top. Under that, it said, “You don’t love me.”
I glanced up. “Sweetie,” I said, hoping to buy some more breakfast time, “can you write it with an I-statement?”
I sipped my tea and started packing my laptop.
Moments later, she appeared, and handed me my second ticket. Once again, our phone number was prominently displayed. This time, underneath it, she’d written, “I don’t feel loved.”
Tea down, laptop away, cuddle time.
She won.
*
Any kids out there correcting your behavior?
Hilarious! I love that you sent her away to rewrite the ticket! Made me snort out my tea!
My daughter just tells me to count to ten when I get angry. I wish I’d never taught her that.
T
I’ll remember to tell you to count to ten the next time you make me angry…which would be the first time….
That is one smart cookie you have on your hands.
I love that you sent her to make it an I statement. haha
I-statements rule..when they buy you more time!
Given my hormonal state lately, I would have immediately burst into tears.
I wish my 3yo, who I KNOW wants more cuddle time, were as creative!
You’re cuddling another one all the time these days. Pregnancy’s high on contact time.
That’s adorable. Nothing like a six year old who know how to get what she wants.
Just wait till she’s 12. I’m finished.
I may have snorted my tea a little bit as well. And “I Statement” ?! Awesome.
And don’t feel bad, my daughter tells me on a regular basis that I’m ruining her life and that I can’t possibly love her anymore. Usually after I tell her she needs to do her homework, but still. 🙂
Yes, the good ol’ cause-and-effect version of “I don’t love you.” Tough raising strong girls, eh?
That is hilarious! My niece (who was three at the time) ‘fired’ my sister once! “That’s it mommy, you’re fired!” It was hilarious!
Fired? Hilarious!
Please Blog daily. I always get a good laugh!!!Love to Thing one and Thing two and Thing three(the big guy).
Thanks, AD. It all starts with a great god mom!
Omigod. You are teaching not only your children and school children, but every parent reading this. I’m totally using the “I statement” next time. Also? I’m so relieved not to be the only one being told I’m a loveless hag – I’ve been given notes with my name inside a heart and an “X” drawn through it…
Adorable! I am so glad I found your blog.
Hilarious & so sweet too
awwww. i love this story! vivian is so cute! i’ve got 2 feisty little girls too. danae is almost 5 and noelle almost 2. they crack me up and warm my heart all the time too. 🙂
Very adorable. i’ve never heard of any child doing such a thing.
There’s a first for everything. i was watching a child once and he said
” no mom don’t it’s yuckies” on account of mommy always tells him that it’s “YUckies” if it’s pop or candy He just didn’t want to give her any
When I was a kid I called my dad an a-hole for not taking me to McDonald’s and that was the last time I did that!!!!
I am a mom to five kids. Three of those lovely little children are not in school yet. Therefore, I have an “appendage” attached to me at all times throughout the day. Then when my husband comes home, he wants to snuggle. Herein lies the problem. I am feeling smothered. The other day I was sitting on the couch while the kids were outdoors with their dad. I was enjoying the three or four minutes of solitude. I knew it was too good to be true. My 2 year old daughter sauntered in. She came to the couch and seated herself next to me. I asked her to move over a wee bit so that I could have some space. She moved closer to me. I nudged her over and looked at my husband, with tears in my eyes, silently pleading for some “me time”. I told Alexa that I needed to be alone for a few minutes and to go with her dad. She climbed off of the couch, walked to her dad and said, “Always you want to sit by Daddy when he is home. You would cry if Daddy told you to get away.” On that note, she walked out. I was put in place by my 2 year old daughter. Wow! Needless to say, I ran outside and snatched her up. I gave her an apology and asked her for forgiveness. Luckily, she did not hold a grudge.
Your daughter is a clever girl – better watch out! 😀
this is so cute!!!! just stumbled across your blog. major lollage at “I am aware of the irony of a mother in a minivan speeding through a playground.”
I have a feeling my baby girl will be a lot like your daughter… My 3.5 year old has been working the drama lately, complete with full pouty lips and sad face. Either when he wants something or says, “Mommy, why won’t you come play with me?”
I love the “Can you make it an I-statement?” I’ll have to remember that.
Your Thing 1 and Thing 2 photos crack me up.
Can’t wait to read the archives…. children permitting.
-Kelly @Dances with Chaos
smart girl! hahaha you should be shaking in your shoes right now coz im scared to even imagine what she would come up with when she is in her teens! lol just enjoy her while you can.