Welcome to the second instalment of the Worst Toys of 2012. Yesterday, I awarded The Skankification Award to Ari Roma, one of the smutty sisters of the Novi Stars doll family. Today, I’m giving out the “Call 9-1-1″ Award. The criteria of the “Call 9-1-1” Award are simple: If there’s a chance my twins would […]
funny mom
The Worst Toys of 2012: The Skankification Award
Welcome to my third-annual list of the Worst Toys of the Year. Why create a list of toys that suck? Because shopping makes me want to bang my empty-cart-that-can’t-steer into other people’s full carts Because cheap, loud toys make me want to hammer-throw them off my back deck Because writing something funny is more therapeutic […]
Some Book News (and some old giveaways)
First, in the news department: My book, Don’t Lick the Minivan: And Other Things I Never Thought I’d Say to My Kids, is up on Amazon! Here’s the cover: Second, the sucking-at-something part. I suck at giveaways. My cop out for this is that I’m not a completer-finisher. Although I managed to finish my manuscript, if […]
How To Cheat on Home Reading
My eight-year-old son has been cheating on his home reading. How is that possible? you might ask. Well, he’s been yelling “blah-blah-blah” instead of recording the online book into the computer like he’s supposed to. How is it possible that he’s been doing this for six weeks and you never noticed? you might ask. Well, […]
3 Warning Signs That Your Children Are Plotting To Send You to the Parenting Asylum
Sometimes conversations are warning signs. If you have eight-year-old twins, conversations are almost always warning signs. Here are three recent chats that have led me to conclude that my children are plotting to send me to the parenting asylum. Conversation 1 Context: William and Vivian are arguing and play fighting on Sunday night. Me: “If […]
Halloween Fun at Huff Po
I’m blogging over at HuffPo today. Click over to check out Top 13 Horror Movies for Parents. Enjoy.
A Third Grader's Insight Into Motherhood
I painted my daughter’s nails the other night. In our house, this is known as an “event.” Picture eight-year-old Vivian with her hands in a kitchen sink filled with cold water, attempting to set the polish so it might last more than twenty minutes. “Mom,” Vivian said, “I need to throw out my gum.” The […]
Bizarre Parenting Strategies That Just Might Work
My main philosophy for dealing with children and teens is this: So far it’s worked. In the classroom and out. I’ve told teens that I teach, “If you do that one more time, I’m going to photocopy my face 29 times.” This causes a moment of silence, before one of them challenges me to do […]
A Drawn Mommy
Vivian took the opportunity to sketch me the other evening. It was a hot night, and I was wearing a tank top, something rare in Calgary after the fall equinox. I sat still as she walked over to me, repositioned my chin, and went back to her sketch pad. Frida Kahlo was in da house. […]
Rhyming, Cribbage, and a Disappearing Child
Two nights ago, while my Mom and I played cribbage and drank wine, Vivian was demonstrating the rhymes her teacher uses to get the class’s attention. William was somewhere. Vivian stood with her hands on top of her head and taught us the rhymes. Nothing says Saturday night fun like three-generation Simon Says. Rhyme […]