It’s prom season. Maybe I’ll tell my prom story one of these days. It’s as cliche as they get. ~ But for now, please click over to Nickelodeon’s NickMom to read my latest attempt at humor. ~ ~ Top 9 Things Moms Don’t Want Their Daughters To Say After Prom Here’s a teaser: #7: “And […]
funny mom
There Goes That Parent-of-the-Year Nomination
Here’s a new edition of Did-I-Really-Say-That-Aloud? Sunday afternoon William is watching an animal show on TV, learning more facts about aardvarks than any 7-year-old should know. I am in the time-out chair reading a book. This is minute three of quiet time. “Mom,” Vivian says. “I need some attention.” “Seriously? I’ve spent all day with […]
How To Use Math To Evaluate Your Week
It’s time to play “by the numbers,” an equation of types for reviewing your week. This is a fancy way of saying that Math + blogging = quick post. Much like tired mom + tired kids = someone locks themselves in the bathroom and sobs. Here, then, is my week by the numbers. 15: Times I yelled, […]
I am the DH (Part 1 of Too Many or Not Enough)
Last week, I opened up the comments to you, inviting you to ask my dear husband (DH) any questions. Here is Part 1. First of all I would like to say how pleased I am to have been forced into conversing on the blogosphere with all of you teenagers, stalkers, shut-ins, and unabombers. When IronicWife […]
Ask the DH: An Opportunity to Embarrass Ironic Mom
My humor column today in The Calgary Herald begins like this: If you want to know how to ruin Mother’s Day, ask my husband. He was born on Mother’s Day. This year, his birthday once again falls on Sunday, and in the reality game of celebrations, birthdays trump pushing a kid (or two) out your […]
10 Bizarre Updates from the Past 10 Days
If you want a slice of my (psycho) life, here are 10 updates I posted on Twitter or my Facebook page over the past 10 days. Update 1: William vs. Hole ~ Update 2: God vs. The Fire Alarm ~ Update 3: Vivian vs. iPhone ~ Update 4: Me vs. Housework ~ Update 5: Me […]
The Wisdom of 7 Year Olds
Vivian sat at the table, practicing line after line of cursive writing because apparently she will learn handwriting in Grade 3, otherwise known as “next year.” Out of nowhere, she said, “Some parents just want their kids to be like them.” I paused whatever I was doing in the kitchen, which probably involved burning myself. […]
What makes someone sexy?
My face was red, sunburned red. I was breathing hard, a sign that my forty-year-old body was a couple of decades past being a competitive athlete, past being fit, past having a beautiful belly button on a stomach without stretch marks. I continued my workout on our driveway, passing the basketball to one of my […]
Humour Column: Trying Not To Glue Gun Kids Together
When I was on my Spring Break, I volunteered two mornings in both Vivian and William’s Grade 2 classroom. I had to do a craft. I happen to despise crafts. I can mess them up easily. Those two mornings in a primary classroom were the subject of my latest humor column in The Calgary Herald. […]
How Many Parents Does It Take To…
Sometimes I get what I deserve. Like on Monday. I’d returned home from a full day of teaching teenagers on five lousy hours of sleep. I had my snark on. So when Vivian and William started telling freestyle jokes, I joined in. I glanced at my husband who was breathing, reason enough to make him […]