If you don’t know what the Elf on the Shelf is, you’re missing out on one of the self-publishing miracles of the decade. At the request of CBC Radio, I weighed in on this toy. Not surprisingly, I situated myself in the Grinch-y corner. Here’s the link to my five-minute radio spot that I did […]
humor
When You Forget the Names of Things, Laugh.
It’s Sunday night dinner. We’re having pasta, one of those meals I can cook providing there’s a jar of pesto in the pantry. I haven’t spoken to an adult all day and have rarely spoken to a child, since Vivian is ill and William is in Lego-building mode. I’m struggling with words, and my husband […]
What Not To Do If You're Going To Be on TV
I’d known I was going to be on Calgary Breakfast Television for two weeks, but since I’m a procrastinator and a crammer (two skills that haven’t helped me much with parenting), I decided to delay thinking about my in-studio TV debut. Then, 36 hours before I was to be on television (live television), I googled: “What […]
How Dinosaurs Trash Talk
My eight-year-old twins know how to trash talk. I blame their father, the man also known as my husband. So far, our kids only trash talk when they’re in character, most recently as plastic toy dinosaurs who were having a Jurassic showdown. William held Stegosaurus; Vivian gripped Allosaurus. They bashed them together and trash talked. […]
The Worst Toys of 2012: The Noisy Award
Well, we’ve made it to the final award in my list of The Worst Toys of 2012. The final presentation is The Noisy Award. This award goes to the toy a parent is most likely to (a) yank the batteries out on Boxing Day, (b) drive over it with a zamboni on New Year’s, or […]
The Worst Toys of 2012: The Gross Award
Welcome to the eighth installment and the penultimate post of The Worst Toys of 2012. Today, I am giving out The Gross Award. This stomach-turning award is given to a toy that would give a toddler or a great-grandparent nightmares. It gives me near-sadistic pleasure to present the 2012 Gross Award to The Walking Dead […]
The Worst Toys of 2012: The Surrogate Parent Award
Welcome to the third installment of the Worst Toys of 2012. So far, we’ve given out the “Call 911” Award and the Skankification Award. Today, it’s time for the Surrogate Parent Award. The Surrogate Parent Award goes to the toy that is designed to entertain your child for the length of time it would take […]
The Worst Toys of 2012: The Call 9-1-1 Award
Welcome to the second instalment of the Worst Toys of 2012. Yesterday, I awarded The Skankification Award to Ari Roma, one of the smutty sisters of the Novi Stars doll family. Today, I’m giving out the “Call 9-1-1″ Award. The criteria of the “Call 9-1-1” Award are simple: If there’s a chance my twins would […]
The Worst Toys of 2012: The Skankification Award
Welcome to my third-annual list of the Worst Toys of the Year. Why create a list of toys that suck? Because shopping makes me want to bang my empty-cart-that-can’t-steer into other people’s full carts Because cheap, loud toys make me want to hammer-throw them off my back deck Because writing something funny is more therapeutic […]
How To Cheat on Home Reading
My eight-year-old son has been cheating on his home reading. How is that possible? you might ask. Well, he’s been yelling “blah-blah-blah” instead of recording the online book into the computer like he’s supposed to. How is it possible that he’s been doing this for six weeks and you never noticed? you might ask. Well, […]