Sometimes conversations are warning signs. If you have eight-year-old twins, conversations are almost always warning signs. Here are three recent chats that have led me to conclude that my children are plotting to send me to the parenting asylum. Conversation 1 Context: William and Vivian are arguing and play fighting on Sunday night. Me: “If […]
humor
A Third Grader's Insight Into Motherhood
I painted my daughter’s nails the other night. In our house, this is known as an “event.” Picture eight-year-old Vivian with her hands in a kitchen sink filled with cold water, attempting to set the polish so it might last more than twenty minutes. “Mom,” Vivian said, “I need to throw out my gum.” The […]
How To Get Away With Insulting Your Spouse
It was Survival-of-the-Fittest hour in our living room. Dinner was history, the lunches were made, and I had unsuccessfully searched for wine. My husband read in his favourite chair. I pfaffed on my laptop while William built another Lego zombie creation. Vivian hovered, clearly bored. Before long, she enlisted William’s help and got us on […]
A Drawn Mommy
Vivian took the opportunity to sketch me the other evening. It was a hot night, and I was wearing a tank top, something rare in Calgary after the fall equinox. I sat still as she walked over to me, repositioned my chin, and went back to her sketch pad. Frida Kahlo was in da house. […]
Rhyming, Cribbage, and a Disappearing Child
Two nights ago, while my Mom and I played cribbage and drank wine, Vivian was demonstrating the rhymes her teacher uses to get the class’s attention. William was somewhere. Vivian stood with her hands on top of her head and taught us the rhymes. Nothing says Saturday night fun like three-generation Simon Says. Rhyme […]
WANA Join Me?
There are few people who are as good at developing community online for writers as Kristen Lamb, a gun-slinging, quad-riding, social media Texan Jedi. Now she and her business partner Ingrid Schaffenburg (think Obi-Wan with ballet training) have taken a giant leap forward and are developing a virtual cafe for creative people, be they artists, writers, […]
What You Don't Want Your Daughter To Say After Prom
It’s prom season. Maybe I’ll tell my prom story one of these days. It’s as cliche as they get. ~ But for now, please click over to Nickelodeon’s NickMom to read my latest attempt at humor. ~ ~ Top 9 Things Moms Don’t Want Their Daughters To Say After Prom Here’s a teaser: #7: “And […]
I am the DH (Part 2 of Too Many or Not Enough)
Earlier in May, I opened up the comments to you, inviting you to ask my dear husband (DH) any questions. Here is Part 2 (of 4). Part 1 is over here. First of all I would like to say how pleased I am to have been forced into conversing on the blogosphere AGAIN with all of […]
There Goes That Parent-of-the-Year Nomination
Here’s a new edition of Did-I-Really-Say-That-Aloud? Sunday afternoon William is watching an animal show on TV, learning more facts about aardvarks than any 7-year-old should know. I am in the time-out chair reading a book. This is minute three of quiet time. “Mom,” Vivian says. “I need some attention.” “Seriously? I’ve spent all day with […]
How To Use Math To Evaluate Your Week
It’s time to play “by the numbers,” an equation of types for reviewing your week. This is a fancy way of saying that Math + blogging = quick post. Much like tired mom + tired kids = someone locks themselves in the bathroom and sobs. Here, then, is my week by the numbers. 15: Times I yelled, […]