Last week, I overheard a few phrases from my twins that made me duck for cover, pause, or drink. One of these phrases was uttered by William. In a stage whisper, he asked his twin sister, “What’s something I can slingshot?” I closed my laptop and ducked. Last Wednesday, I blogged about another phrase I […]
Ironic Mom
How Not To Eat Dessert
I’m in the middle of my after-dinner ritual, which is neither sipping Baileys nor having my feet massaged. I’m making school lunches. Vivian and William, meanwhile, are waiting for dessert to be served. It’s Jello that their father has cooked – or whatever it is you do to primary-colored gelatin. I don’t like Jello. If […]
Headline from My House: Mom Locks Self in Bathroom
So I’m sitting on the floor of the bathroom playing Words with Friends. My spidey senses are tingling, not because I just figured out how to play my Q without a U, but because my twins are up to something. I sense danger. Then I hear it. It’s the unmistakeable sound of flesh on flesh, […]
Thing 1 and Thing 2's Excellent Adventure: Rochester, NY
It had to happen. After a fantastic trip in Tennessee and Chicago with Leigh of Hopeful Leigh, Thing 1 and Thing 2 met up with Renee Schuls-Jacobson of the fabulous blog, Lessons from Teachers and Twits. You’ve seen Renee around here before, when she did the hilarious guest post, Lessons from Cyber Pet Ownership. Click […]
The Superbowl, Melodrama, and Triple Jump
It’s time for some Triple Jump: to hop, skip and jump to other posts I’ve written this week. Over at NickMom, Nickelodeon’s hilarious humor site, I’ve written this: How Throwing a Kid’s Birthday Party is Like The Superbowl Over at Stuff Kids Write, I’ve posted one of Vivian’s melodramatic notes that simultaneously pulls on my […]
Things I Suck At … Or Not
It’s Search Ironic Mom time, when I take actual search terms that led victims to my blog and attempt to answer their original query. Today’s first search term is below. Dear Ironic Mom: Signed, Annoying Kid Dear Annoying Kid: Thank you for inquiring about “annoying mom habits.” If you have to google this, consider yourself […]
A Feast for the Eyes: Avatar Contest Winners
One of the comments I received about my avatar last fall was this. Since I can be a bit of a pop culture idiot, I googled “Allison Mack.” Here she is, similarly cropped: I need my own make-up artist. Not everyone thinks I look like an actress from Smallville, though; some people can see how […]
How To Leave Your Spouse
I’ve often told my husband that the perfect gift for me is 24 hours alone in a boutique hotel. I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m joking. But this weekend, I’m getting something better: a writing weekend away with my wordbitches, Elena, Trish and Gigi. If you wish to plan your own weekend away, I’ve shared […]
How To Drive Your Parents To Drink
When I tweeted this, I likely should’ve shut my computer. To be fair, the ball wasn’t exactly a volleyball. It was a globe. An inflatable one. Vivian and William were using the sofa that divides the kitchen from the living room as a net. And they were spiking. Meanwhile, I was drinking club soda from […]
A Fun Intrepretation of the Year of the Dragon
Gung Hay Fat Choy! It’s the Year of the Dragon according to the Chinese calendar. You likely already know a few dragons, and I’m not referring to your in-laws, either. People who were born in 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, and 2000 are dragons. Babies born in 2012 will also be dragons. I’m sure their […]