I hate crafts. This is a problem given that my daughter is her own craft production factory. Thanks to her, we are first rate recyclers: paper, toilet paper rolls, and cereal boxes rotate from the craft table to the recycling bin with amazing fluidity. It might be cute if you’re a scrapbook person; if you’re […]
Lackluster Parenting
Manipulation 101: The Illusion of Choice as a Disciplinary Technique
I am a big fan of using choice as a way to coerce kids into doing what I want them to do. I learned this early in my teaching career. I used to spout platitudes like, “You always have a choice, it just may not be a good choice,” but I got tired of hearing […]
To Buy a Pet, or Not To Buy a Pet
A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting in my neighbour’s dining room performing a community service: neither she nor her husband drink red wine, so when they have some I drink it. Anyway, we were talking about pets. They’re planning to get one; we’re not. At least, I don’t think we are. My kids […]
Activities for Children of Lousy Parents
Let’s get things straight. I’m not a Martha Stewart mother, one of those women born to parent. I am neither willing nor able to build a replica of the Taj Mahal out of items from the recycling box. In recent weeks, I’ve felt compelled to do something slightly more interesting with my children on Sundays […]
Parents Are Stupid: The Dissolution of Knowledge
Last Saturday, my daughter had severe stomach pain. Only semi-awake, she moaned and writhed, screaming when I touched her tummy, which felt like it was shored up by two-by-fours. I tried giving her 7-Up (too sweet), mashing an antacid and putting it in a teaspoon of jam (too gross), and cuddling (too confining). It reminded […]
Band-Aids and Bad Parenting
I think a great gift for new parents would be stock options in Band-Aid. Let’s face it: if you have a young kid, Band-Aids are practically an accessory. They come in different sizes and skin tones – though I still have to wonder who has a Sponge-Bob-patterned epidermis. In my early days of parenting, I […]
Raising Normal Kids
This parenting thing baffles me. Generally I’m so lost in a labyrinth of fuzz that I don’t even bother to think about it. But today, I’ll wander back in. In many ways, I don’t have high expectations for my twins. I don’t expect (or want) them to be the top of the class, famous actors, […]
Tantrums and Knuckleheaded Parenting Ideas
I thought I was done with tantrums. I mean, my twins are nearly six, and we’ve had one year free of embarrass-mom-in-public moments. Most tantrums I barely remember, my body activating the Parenting-Amnesia reflex, the one that enables moms and dads to crawl out of bed the next morning at 5:45. There are some vague […]
I Believe: A Parenting Manifesto Inspired by the Olympics' Theme Song
The Olympics’ theme song, I Believe, has been getting a lot of airplay. Makes sense, since it’s The Winter Olympic Games and all. If you haven’t heard it, you’re clearly living in a media-deprived world, which begs the question: how are you reading this blog? I’ve posted the shortest version I could find. Feel free […]
Math, 100 Days, and the Drive to School
There are days when I feel that half a day has passed and it’s not even 8:15 a.m. Usually that thought hits me on the drive to school. Usually it’s in winter, after an endless search for a missing mitten. It’s a miracle if we all make it into the minivan without me threatening to […]