If you’ve been reading my blog for a while (say, since Monday), you’ll know that I’m not a contender for Mother-of-the-Year. Well, here’s a newsflash. I’m also not a contender for Wife-of-the-Year or Daughter-of-the-Year. No holiday makes that more obvious than Father’s Day. Here’s my evidence: I don’t send my dad a card or buy […]
funny
Joke Telling and Kids
I love how kids tell jokes. It’s chaos theory at its best. From my unscientific observations, there are two initial stages of kids’ lack of development with regard to joke telling. Stage One: The Surreal Phase In the surreal phase, kids will tell jokes greatly influenced by the postmodern movement. These jokes tend to follow […]
Parenting Techniques That Guarantee Kids Will Need Therapy
I don’t read parenting books. They simultaneously bore and annoy me, like watching the Canucks play in Boston. The last thing I want to do when I finally lasso my seven-year-old twins to their beds (besides watch Luongo let in another goal) is read Perfect Parenting for Dummies. I already know I’m an idiot when […]
Suburban CSI and Killer Rabbits
Last week, I stood on our porch and waved goodbye to visitors. After they drove off, I looked at the railing and noticed two things: (1) it is in desperate need of a paint job, and (2) there was a wishbone drying on it. It was a bit of a puzzle. I never save wishbones, […]
Math, Kids, and Fidelity
I like giving my kids math problems. It’s comedy in action. When Vivian and William were five, I blogged about fun-with-math. I wrote: A couple of years ago, in a good parenting moment, I started playing math with them while driving. I gave them number problems, and they figured out the answer (or not). The […]
The Birthday Party, by the numbers
If you’re a sports fan, you’ll know numbers don’t lie (especially if you cheer for the Toronto Maple Leafs). Here are the numbers from William and Vivian’s 7th birthday party, which I bravely hosted yesterday. 10: Kids in attendance, including my own 2: Kids I temporarily lost sight of at the playground (including William) 5: […]
5 Announcements That Won't Change Your Life
ANNOUNCEMENT 1: Wednesday, June 1 is School Photo Day for bloggers. Join KB at Keenie Beanie, Clay at EduClaytion, me, and others as we post an embarrassing school picture from days gone by. Feel free to steal the above graphic if you wish to promote it. If you don’t wish to participate, just drop by […]
When Irony Ruins Your Day
I’m starting to think I have irony tattooed on my forehead. Either that or naive. Or idiot. Take your pick. Before I share greater irony than even Alanis could wail about, please click the link below to read the humor column that I wrote. It was published in The Calgary Herald this morning. It has […]
Business Tips from 6-Year-Old Twins
This weekend, William and Vivian each decided to open a store on opposite sides of the sofa. Here is the marketing plan they followed. Buy low. Take objects that belong to Mommy, including her hair band and her Thing One and Thing Two stuffies. Add some toys and books that Daddy bought them at garage […]
When 6 Year Olds Discuss Dead Animals
Mealtime with twins is generally entertaining. If they’re not demonstrating how saliva aids the digestive process, they’re partaking in accidental slapstick by falling off chairs mid-story. Last night, though, it was a conversation in two parts that garnered my attention. Part One Setting: Before dinner. I have just announced we’re having hamburgers for dinner. William […]