Saturday morning means sleeping in, reading the paper, and revelling in the rays of laziness. Unless your son has music lessons at 8:45 a.m. I sit in the music studio, editing my humour manuscript for the 16th time. It’s ceased to be funny. Will’s private lesson ends, mere minutes before Vivian’s parented music lesson begins. Will’s […]
Hilarious Family Moments
The Hobbit, Teens, and Ladies of the Night
My eighth graders had just finished studying The Hobbit. We’d followed Bilbo’s epic journey, we’d watched Peter Jackson’s awesome production vlogs, the girls had declared Kili the Dwarf “hot.” [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOGsB9dORBg] Twenty minutes remained in this particular class. “Let’s find our Hobbit names,” I said. I opened my laptop to a hobbit name generator site, got […]
The Elf on the Shelf…and Hate Mail
If you don’t know what the Elf on the Shelf is, you’re missing out on one of the self-publishing miracles of the decade. At the request of CBC Radio, I weighed in on this toy. Not surprisingly, I situated myself in the Grinch-y corner. Here’s the link to my five-minute radio spot that I did […]
When You Forget the Names of Things, Laugh.
It’s Sunday night dinner. We’re having pasta, one of those meals I can cook providing there’s a jar of pesto in the pantry. I haven’t spoken to an adult all day and have rarely spoken to a child, since Vivian is ill and William is in Lego-building mode. I’m struggling with words, and my husband […]
What Not To Do If You're Going To Be on TV
I’d known I was going to be on Calgary Breakfast Television for two weeks, but since I’m a procrastinator and a crammer (two skills that haven’t helped me much with parenting), I decided to delay thinking about my in-studio TV debut. Then, 36 hours before I was to be on television (live television), I googled: “What […]
Fridge Astrology: What Your Magnets Reveal About You
If you’re visiting after my Breakfast TV segment, click here to find all the Worst Toys of the Season. I pick a magnet off the floor and place it onto the refrigerator. Our fridge, a white behemoth approaching the age of twenty, stands alone in our kitchen, isolated from the other black appliances, the newer […]
How Dinosaurs Trash Talk
My eight-year-old twins know how to trash talk. I blame their father, the man also known as my husband. So far, our kids only trash talk when they’re in character, most recently as plastic toy dinosaurs who were having a Jurassic showdown. William held Stegosaurus; Vivian gripped Allosaurus. They bashed them together and trash talked. […]
How To Cheat on Home Reading
My eight-year-old son has been cheating on his home reading. How is that possible? you might ask. Well, he’s been yelling “blah-blah-blah” instead of recording the online book into the computer like he’s supposed to. How is it possible that he’s been doing this for six weeks and you never noticed? you might ask. Well, […]
3 Warning Signs That Your Children Are Plotting To Send You to the Parenting Asylum
Sometimes conversations are warning signs. If you have eight-year-old twins, conversations are almost always warning signs. Here are three recent chats that have led me to conclude that my children are plotting to send me to the parenting asylum. Conversation 1 Context: William and Vivian are arguing and play fighting on Sunday night. Me: “If […]
What My Kids Think of My Blog's Motto
It’s been a while since my eight-year-old twins looked at my blog. Last night, they saw the header with my motto clearly displayed. They joked about the injustice of my blog’s motto, “If you can’t laugh at yourself, laugh at your kids.” So I interviewed them. Here is a two-minute slice of my life. You may […]