Vivian, my 7-year-old daughter, is devouring chapter books. She’s been through the Rainbow Magic series, Jigsaw Jones, Ivy and Bean, and Judy Moody. And the infamous Junie B. Jones. Now that I’m pitching my own book, I’m thinking about rejections. So here are ten Junie B. Jones titles that likely would have been rejected by […]
parenting
The Quest for a Christmas Tree
On a Saturday in December long ago, my dad and I drove into Winnipeg in search of a Christmas tree. The temperature hovered around minus thirty, and the wind, unimpeded from Hudson Bay, whipped through the Manitoba prairie. Driving east on the Trans-Canada highway, I was hypnotized by the snow swirling across the highway, […]
How To Be a Santa-Failure in 9 Easy Steps
I can fail at Advent calendars. I can fail at gingerbread houses. I can also fail as Santa’s apprentice. In the past 24-hours, I’ve managed the latter quite easily. ** Preamble 1: My school hosts a Santa party for the children of staff members. The only requirement – besides showing up – is to bring […]
MISSING: Thing 1 and Thing 2
Description: 3.5 inches tall, red all-in-one suits, blue Estelle Getty hair, names on outfit. Identifying Characteristics: permanent tangled hair due to washing machine incident Last Seen: October 31, 2011 at envelope at post office in San Francisco (following a non-stop party with Lizz from Am I a Funny Girl?) En Route To: Mike of The […]
Introducing "Search Ironic Mom": The Thanksgiving Edition
Welcome to Search Ironic Mom, a new series where I (a) take actual search terms that have led people to my blog, and (b) answer the search query. Today’s search term inquiry falls under the category of American Thanksgiving. Since the majority of my readers are American and since both sides of my family originally […]
Humor and Funny Stuff
I’ve been writing for Nickelodeon for the past six months. And now, at last, their new site is up. 9 Reasons Why You Should Go Check Out NickMom.com Your life is chaotic and you desperately need a laugh. (Sorry, I may have been projecting here). You want to see bizarre pictures with even more bizarre […]
Send Your Child Scavenging . . . in the Dictionary
Alternate Title: Messing with Your Child’s Mind It’s Saturday night. Vivian has discovered the dictionary. She wants words to look up. I suggest clever. She looks it up, reads the definition, and smiles. My husband suggests geek, which isn’t in there. He throws out its slightly more popular cousin, nerd. A few words later, Vivian […]
Haircut Horror Stories
Today, I have a humour column in the Neighbours’ section of The Calgary Herald. I somehow manage to time travel and make reference to both Miss Piggy and Edward Scissorhands, not in the same metaphor (I hope). Click the link below to read it. **Kids and the Chaos of Haircuts** What haircut horror stories have […]
When Kids Write Jokes
On Monday, Vivian and William went on a joke telling spree. Thankfully they seem to have slightly more talent in this department than their mother. After ten minutes of variations on the chicken-crossing-the-road joke, Vivian freestyled. VIVIAN: Why did the mommy cross the road? ME: VIVIAN: Close. Because she wanted to hug her children. ME: […]
Things I Suck At: Telling Jokes
There are a number of things I suck at. Doing anything crafty tops the list, followed by shopping and anything requiring opposable thumbs. Fourth is telling jokes. I recognize this is ironic-to-the-power-of-infinity given that I’m writing a humor book. I was reminded of this last night, when my husband and I were watching an episode […]