My daughter, Vivian, loves words. I know, because she uses a lot of them, some of which I even listen to. When she really wants my attention, she writes notes. When I came home after a three hour writing session, this was taped to our front door: Last week, after I vacuumed the shards of […]
twins
3 Things You Should Never Teach Your Children
1. What Sarcasm Is It’s not much of a secret that I unsheathe my sarcasm sword regularly. When William knocks his glass of milk on the floor, I can’t stop myself from quipping, “Thanks for the help cleaning up.” It’s not going to get me any Parent of the Year nominations, but it’s my style. […]
5 Tips For Traveling Without Children
A long time ago, I posted 5 Tips for Traveling with Children (#1 was “Don’t”), but now it’s time to move beyond that (since my spawn can walk and talk), to something a lot more relaxing: traveling alone. Recently, before my trip to Hollywood to abduct Colin Firth attend Oprah’s After Oscar Party, I did […]
Teaching Children Conversational Skills
Vivian, my daughter, is gifted in the art of conversation. Not only can she can ask questions and empathize with both peers and adults, but she can do so with her mouth stuffed with food, mid-chew. Although her twin brother, William, will wait until he swallows to speak, he then proceeds to speak at you […]
Kids, Kitchens, and Craziness
One of my New Year’s Resolutions for a Lazy Parent was to get my kids more involved in cooking. It’s not that I have a wish for them to go through life with four fingers each; it’s that I want them to be able to cook one meal a week by the time they’re ten. […]
Music, Playlists, and Children
Because we are masochists, we bought both Vivian and William a portable stereo for Christmas. These two gifts were even new. My husband purchased them for $10 each in some industrial area. I’m hoping they weren’t stolen from under someone else’s tree, but my husband assured me the place looked “pretty legit.” We also bought […]
More Epic Fail Parenting: Advent Calendars
I like to buy my kids advent calendars. I think it’s fun to count down to the gift frenzy known as Christmas Day, that glorious morning where a Parental Time Zone exists: thanks to our children, we’re up three hours earlier than any other person on holidays. I grew up with an advent calendar. We […]
Children, Wrestling, and Neglectful Parenting
Our twins have started wrestling with each other every evening. After they clean up all their toys (or take the short cut and shove them under the couch), they decide it’s time. Now, as far as I know, they’ve never actually seen WWE. At least, I’m hoping they can’t yet understand the headline, “The 2010 […]
Putting Kids To Bed: Search and Rescue
I’m talking on the phone, ignoring my kids. They’re supposed to be getting ready for bed. Vivian, who is already clad in red fleece pajamas, is hanging out two inches from my face, trying to get my attention. “Hang on a sec,” I say to my friend. “Vivian,” I snap. “Go brush your teeth.” She […]
Psycho Playground Adventure, Twin Style
Last weekend, in that bygone era of no snow, I took my kids to the playground. I mistakenly brought my book, thinking that I might be able to get some reading done. Wrong. When I wasn’t lifting Vivian up to the monkey bars, I was twirling William on the merry-go-round and ruining my suede boots […]