I don’t remember learning to skate; I just remember doing it. Like most rural Canadian kids, I could walk out the back door to a natural ice surface. By the time January rolled around, however, the snow was usually too heavy to clear. Instead, we’d head to the rink on Friday night for public skating. […]
twins
Advice on Table Manners from a Hypocrite
I’ve written before about kids’ eating habits, including heads on plates and chewing etiquette. No doubt I’ll write about this again, because it’s a work in progress. Until then, I’ll gripe publicly. Someday, I’d like to get through a meal without instructing my kids on table manners, but that seems as likely as baking chocolate […]
How To Use Manners To Get What You Want
When William was a toddler, he mastered using manners to get what he wanted. He’d wander over, raise both of his hands like a referee signaling touchdown, and say, “May I please have some pick-me-up?” This phrase has become part of our family lore, one of those stories that our twins love hearing over and […]
Children, Skating, and Body Parts
Vivian and William are taking skating lessons, as in the beginner, I-can’t-stand-up kind. They may be the only 6-year-old Canadians who don’t know how to skate, which is rather embarrassing since both my husband and I are rather proficient on blades. I grew up on a farm that had two natural skating surfaces, a pond […]
Halloween, the Day-After: 5 New Terms
It’s the day after Halloween, so it’s time to listen to Christmas music. But before we suffer through Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, I thought we may wish to add some new words to the Halloween lexicon. Here are my 5 suggestions for new Halloween terms: Hallowhiner: a parent who openly complains about this event, like […]
Is Croquet a Blood Sport?
I love our fenced backyard. It’s a regulation-size chicken coop for twins. Open the patio door, send them out, and pour a glass of wine make a cup of tea. Sometimes I look out the window; usually I tweet. When I’m vying for Parent-of-the-Year, I’ll crack open a screen door to add an extra sensory […]
Children, Swearing, and the Middle Finger
When I was young, I remember watching my older sister and mom bake a cake. I got into a fight with my sister and called her a bastard. My mom froze, beaters in hand, and said in a tone I rarely heard, “Where did you hear that?” “School,” I said, eyes downcast, tears threatening to […]
Simon Says Laugh at Your Kids
I’ve always thought the game Simon Says was boring. There are only so many times you can hear “Simon Says touch your toes” until you yearn to do something more exciting, like wash the dishes. But then I watched my husband play it with our kids. Imagine a comedian with a drill sergeant delivery, and […]
When Your Son Puts the Garden Hose down the Vent
I fully expect that someday my twins will co-author a book entitled How To Annoy Your Parents: A Step-by-Step Guide. Here is one potential anecdote, starring my six-year-old son, William. The sun is shining. I am doing something productive in the kitchen, like checking Facebook for messages from people who spoke two words to me […]
Toothpaste, Twins, and Coercion
It’s no secret I hate brushing my kids’ teeth. On top of all the other traumas associated with this nighttime ritual, we now have issues with toothpaste. I am tired of purchasing expensive, okay-to-swallow kid toothpaste, only to watch my son suck it out of the tube like it’s a Freezie. To rectify this problem, […]