Vivian sat at the table, practicing line after line of cursive writing because apparently she will learn handwriting in Grade 3, otherwise known as “next year.” Out of nowhere, she said, “Some parents just want their kids to be like them.” I paused whatever I was doing in the kitchen, which probably involved burning myself. […]
Hilarious Family Moments
How Many Parents Does It Take To…
Sometimes I get what I deserve. Like on Monday. I’d returned home from a full day of teaching teenagers on five lousy hours of sleep. I had my snark on. So when Vivian and William started telling freestyle jokes, I joined in. I glanced at my husband who was breathing, reason enough to make him […]
Funny Captions from My Life as a Parent
The best thing about having an iPhone is that I get to take bizarre pictures with great frequency. Here are a few from the past week, with captions. MATH: ART: PSYCHOLOGY: SCIENCE: ~ Tell me some recent captions or headlines from your house…
When Your Twin Children Can Read Your Mind
The other day, Vivian told me that some of her friends have been arguing at recess. Being a good mother, I accused Vivi of being involved. After all, I’ve seen her and her brother go at it in some UFC mini-matches. “I wasn’t, Mom. Honestly,” she pleaded. “I just tried to stay out of the […]
Smushed Fingers, Basketball, and Money
I closed the car window on Vivian’s fingers yesterday. Nothing makes you feel more useless than hurting your own child. Except hurting someone else’s. Vivian got over it. After 30 minutes of crying and an hour of milking it for what she could, she was outside playing basketball with William. William invented a new game. […]
Twins, The Tooth Fairy, and Confused Parents
With my twins in Grade 2, I didn’t think there was much that could surprise me. In the seven years they’ve been alive, they’ve carved their names into the side of our minivan, put a garden hose down the basement vent (and turned on the water), and shoplifted from two different stores. But just like […]
A Tale of Two Toilets
This piece originally appeared in The Globe and Mail on April 12, 2008, eighteen months before I started blogging. Since I own the rights and since I have journals filled with similar travel stories, I thought I’d share it. Enjoy. ~ We choose Ambalangoda with care. It is, after all, the final destination of our […]
How To Insult Your Spouse and Get Away with It
Last week, just after I finished practicing music with my son, I joked with him about something he found hilarious. I don’t remember what the joke was, but I know it didn’t involve any bodily functions. What I do remember clearly, however, was William’s reaction to my joking. “Mom, you’re the funniest woman I know.” […]
Stuff Dad Does While Mom Is Out
After my husband came home from work on Saturday, I scooted out for 45 minutes. In that time, I managed to get $50 worth of groceries, buy a tea, and visit a book store. In that same time, my husband managed to shoot a video of William. Here is an inverted William singing “Run Runaway” […]
How Not To Eat Dessert
I’m in the middle of my after-dinner ritual, which is neither sipping Baileys nor having my feet massaged. I’m making school lunches. Vivian and William, meanwhile, are waiting for dessert to be served. It’s Jello that their father has cooked – or whatever it is you do to primary-colored gelatin. I don’t like Jello. If […]