After their crazy adventure with Mike in Saint Paul, Thing 1 and Thing 2 needed a holiday. The gracious, kind, and ever-interesting Leigh of the blog HopefulLeigh hosted them: first in Nashville, then on Christmas vacation in Chicago. The Things logged frequent flyer miles! Check out this picture of them in stockings: Please check out […]
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Beauty Dos and Don’ts from a Sassy Mom
The year 2011 saw its fair share of beauty disasters. From me. Based on my own experiences, I can now speak with authority about The Dos and Don’ts of Beauty. DO buy a flat iron for your hair. DON’T use your flat iron for removing the wrinkles from the skirt you wear once a year. […]
NickMom.com: Realistic Endings to Children's Books
I’m having more fun than a bed bug in a mattress store writing for Nickelodeon’s new humor site, NickMom.com. Please check out my latest offering: Realistic Endings to Children’s Books. * What other titles can be reworked so they end “realistically”?
A Naughty Letter to Santa from a Mom
A little fictional word play for you this Monday before Christmas. Enjoy! Dear Santa: I’m sorry I wasn’t naughty enough this year. I didn’t even get to the mall to do a little lap dance sit on your lap. I’m sure your endless shifts have made you sick of kids kicking you, asking you for […]
Things You Shouldn't Teach Your Children
It’s time for Search Ironic Mom, when I take real search terms that have led people to my blog and answer them as though they were real questions. TODAY’S SEARCH IRONIC MOM: IRONIC MOM ANSWERS: If you’re looking for things not to teach your children, I’m your woman. Here are five things I don’t recommend […]
I'm Sending You Snail Mail
I’ve always been a letter writer. When I was 8, I started scribing letters about which boy I liked, and I sent them to my cousin who lived 800 miles away. Over the decade my cousin and I wrote to each other, the boys changed, but the rest of the letters stayed pretty much the […]
10 Junie B. Jones Titles That Were Rejected
Vivian, my 7-year-old daughter, is devouring chapter books. She’s been through the Rainbow Magic series, Jigsaw Jones, Ivy and Bean, and Judy Moody. And the infamous Junie B. Jones. Now that I’m pitching my own book, I’m thinking about rejections. So here are ten Junie B. Jones titles that likely would have been rejected by […]
How To Be a Santa-Failure in 9 Easy Steps
I can fail at Advent calendars. I can fail at gingerbread houses. I can also fail as Santa’s apprentice. In the past 24-hours, I’ve managed the latter quite easily. ** Preamble 1: My school hosts a Santa party for the children of staff members. The only requirement – besides showing up – is to bring […]
Beware of Playing Tag with Weapons
When Vivian and William were little, I was anti-gun and anti-fun, but I soon realized that there are plenty of legitimate ways for them to kill themselves that don’t require a locked up cabinet. Take yesterday. I was in a splendid mood. I had yet to embed a Lego figurine into the sole of my […]
A Twisted Guide to the Worst Toys of 2011
If you’re planning to purchase toys for some darling children this holiday season, you might want to look elsewhere because my annual list of toys-that-suck is here. Without further ado, I present the worst toys from Santa’s workshop, where quality control appears to have taken an extended vacation. A 365 day one. Toys That Assault […]