It started as a perfect weekend morning. I was in bed drifting in and out of a sluggish slumber, Vivian was cuddling into my side, and William was seated between my feet. Some cartoon marathon that I couldn’t hear due to my earplugs was playing on the TV. Of course, if it starts as a […]
twins
Bedtime Rhymes, Grimm Style
This summer, while spending a month at my parents’ house with William and Vivian, I learned that I’m not as much of a morning person as I think I am. I got used to my mom getting up with my kids and feeding them breakfast. I got used to sleeping in until 8:30. But that’s […]
Happy Make-More-Work-for-Mommy Day
. It’s bedtime. I’ve spent the past sixty minutes doing the following: sorting through kids’ dresser drawers and replacing summer tees with winter hoodies; hooking up lonesome socks congregating in a singles’ drawer; picking up books that have been flung by discus athletes-in-training; and removing embedded Lego pieces from my bare feet. A typical evening. […]
On the Move: Dentists, Paying It Forward, and My 10 Cents
Dental Drama This morning, at 7 a.m., I was in the dental chair with my mouth cranked open as some medieval instruments threatened to give me a tongue piercing. I don’t love the dentist. I can’t understand how engineers put men on the moon over 40 years ago (and decided to bring them back) but […]
The Return of Whiteboard Wednesday
Today marks the return of Whiteboard Wednesdays. If you have no idea what this is, neither do my kids. So know that you’re not alone. Basically, Whiteboard Wednesday is when I write down something semi-idiotic that I said while parenting in the past week. This is easier than it seems. Some past Whiteboard Wednesday comments […]
How Do You Spell Relief? B-a-c-k-T-o-S-c-h-o-o-l
Vivian and William had their first day of school yesterday. After we used a logarithm to sort out the bus route, we drove to the school, met the kids when they got off the bus, and joined the queue of parents sloughing Lululemon bags overflowing with glue sticks and sharpened pencils. Welcome to the first […]
Reign of Terror: Unleashing Kids on Grandma's House
My parents live in a new house. It’s beautiful, but my kids tried their best to change that this summer. In our first week there, my seven-year-old twins gouged several walls, wrote on my parents’ RV (just in dust, thankfully), and broke a banister. Technically, Vivian and William didn’t break the whole banister: just a […]
Parenting According to Twitter
I think Twitter knows more about my parenting style than anyone in real life does. There’s nothing like putting the fun in dysfunctional in a public forum. Here are some of my parenting tweets from the past month. (If you’re not on Twitter, here’s a key. DD: Dear Daughter, DH: Dear Husband, 7yo: 7-year-old) Chapter […]
The Horrors of Minigolfing with Children
If you’ve minigolfed with young children, you’re likely aware that it’s a dangerous activity that could require hospitalization. To read about the mini-putt injuries we sustained when Vivian and William were four years old, please go to my humour column, which was published in yesterday’s Calgary Herald. Click here: Minigolfing with Kids: A Bad Idea. […]
When Your Child Wonders What Age She Can Have a Baby, Ask Facebook
Last week, seven-year-old Vivian was back at it, peppering me with questions about God, sperm banks, and babies. This is why I don’t home school, I thought. From September to June, I can rely on her classmates to give the wrong answer; in July and August, however, it’s up to me. So when Vivian asked […]